Video Game Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time

In the early nineties, the only place to play Turtles in Time was in the plethora of bowling alleys spread across the nation, that is, until it was finally released on the SNES. The game stayed true to the arcade version, with its seemingly endless numbers of foot soldiers and those loveable mutated villains at the end of every stage. But playing this game as a kid, the coolest aspect was throwing your adversary to the TV screen. Genius. Game play starts at 3:00 in the morning in the Big Apple, where you battle atop a construction platform. You soon realize that pizzas are the only power up you have, and that only one box appears at a time, creating a every-man-for-himself race as you and your friend each attempt to stave off death by consuming the delicious Italian treat.

At the end of the construction platform you meet up with Jeff Goldblum, errr…we mean mean Baxter. Be afraid, be very afraid. After realizing you can simply wait in the lower right hand corner until he lands, where you can then can swat him with your ninja skills, you then move onto the mean streets of the Alleycat Blues. After pwning some more foot soldiers, you meet up with Metalhead, who proudly exclaims “I’m going to mangle you green slimballs.” Yep the spelling mistake read around the world. If there was any level in a video game that I would have loved to last longer, sewer surfing comes to mind. This level was radical. Bring it to the turtle’s turf. The sewer provides a safe haven for the anomalous, the freakish, and the banished. The Penguin should have made a cameo in this level. After defeating the Rat King and with plenty of bandages on your turtle foot we proceed to a structure which looks like the Epcot Center from hell. That’s right, the Technodrome. After battling Tokka and Rahzar, a ride on the hellevator, and tossing some ninjas at Shredder, the time travel adventure begins.

The shred man sends the turtles back 2.5 billion years ago by means unknown; possibly a stargate. The heroes in a half shell then encounter a world of dinosaurs, forests, charging rock men, who for some reason feel the need to wear helmets, and the mighty Slash. At this point the turtles just want to take a breather to figure out what has happened to them. Good thing the lovely April O’Neil was some how there to tell the intrepid time travelers to fight. She’s such an instigator. Now battling Slash is a pain in the shell. This sharp looking turtle makes it nearly impossible to deliver two consecutive hard blows. This is just all wrong. In reality this date of 2.5 billion years is between the Paleoproterozoic and Archean eras, neither of which had dinosaurs or even vegetation! And wasn’t Slash the pet of Bebop? Frustrations subsided and with the proud exclamation of “cowabunga” our friends set sail with the Jolly Roger. Like sideshow Bob and the garden rake, it became clear that the loose floor boards quickly became the turtle’s nemesis in this level. Bebop and Rocksteady wait at the ships stern, and the turtles need only to send them to Davy Jones’ locker. Savvy?

Next came “Bury my shell at wounded knee.” This was one of the all time dumbest levels in video game history. To further support this statement, we see the rock guys carrying I-beams. However, Leatherhead is a pretty cool villain, and is easily derailed.

Now its back to the future. An excellent exploit of mode 7 is the Neon Night-Riders level. Akin to F-Zero, this is the second surfing level in the game. As an easy level to defeat its good to take the time an admire the cityscape of the future ahead of you, which may be nothing but a breeding ground for tranks, lobos, and zipheads. It takes no time at all to drop Super Krang form the sky and move on to the Starbase. I’ve always felt bad about destroying some of the robots in this level; particularly the robots that resembled Jinx from Space Camp. That loveable bucket of bolts held a place in my heart as a true friend. Alas, the turtles are on a mission and this level is the second to last in the game. Taking down Krang in his spaceship, the turtles are brought back to the present (1991, wow) and face Super-Shredder. Dodging the anti-mutagen blast is key. And to defeat this mutated SOB simply wait until after each freeze ray and then attack.

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