• Top 5 Video Games You’re Currently Playing if You’re a Frat Boy

  

  Written by Zeromage 32 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 12, 2008

  We all know the frat boy type. When they enter into college, it’s party time 24/7 along with everyone else who feels entitled to spend their parents’ money on frat boy activities. The frat boy needs to fit into all walks of his friends’ life, so if that means playing some video games then so be it. There’s a difference though between the traditional video gamer and the frat boy video gamer. The frat boy video gamer only plays games that tend to induce chest bumps and cracking beer cans over their head when successful in one of the games. It’s a rare occurrence when you find someone in a frat playing Final Fantasy 3 for instance. You can rest assured that they would be kicked out of their frat if the “head brother” found them playing a game with an actual dialog.

  5. Halo 3

  Halo 3 matches the frat boy mentality to a T. It’s virtually aggressive (i.e. not aggressive in reality). Frat boys feel like men when they pick up all those guns and hear a massive rocket launcher shot into opposing enemies. Boom! Bang! “Let’s tear them apart”! Playing Halo 3 is like being at the bar on a Thursday night for the frat boy. Halo 3 is almost as loud, has almost as many ugly opposing enemies in it, and is recognizable by everyone, much like the average Thursday night college bar. Whoever thought that Halo 3 could be analogized to a bar? It’s not really Halo 3’s fault though, right? It’s not Halo 3’s fault that the limits of the game are within boisterous noises and superman-esque maneuvers…(And since many readers have failed to recognize the parody in our articles, we can spell out that there was sarcasm in the last sentence, unless you think we’re being sarcastic about our sarcasm…

  4. Guitar Hero World Tour

  In come the women, and what do the frat boy’s have on? They have Guitar Hero World Tour on, mimicking sub-average pop standards with a faux-jocular disposition to try to swoon the opposite sex. Give them a real guitar though and they are hammering the guitar singing in some bellowed tone and sounding as ugly as a Pixies record. If the women are hanging around the frat boys though, they will probably be amused by these futile attempts at virtual musicianship; as long as they’re funny and wearing their lack of talent on their sleeve, then the women can intuitively love the male for their small attempts at a laugh. In the end, that’s all that’s really needed.

  3. Madden

  The frat boy will obviously play any Madden game. This is not to say that Madden games are bad, as most of the staff members of Old-Wizard play them regularly. It is to say however, that the frat boy hasn’t played any other football game other than Madden because Madden is the most popular football video game of all time. They haven’t played the great football games like Tecmo Bowl, or Joe Montana’s Sports Talk Football. Madden is the most conspicuous signifier of the culture they wish to fit into with their four years of undergraduate study. Not only are they defined by the football field in reality, but also virtual reality, and puts them in a more comfortable position to herd themselves towards the masses.

  2. NBA Live 09′

  NBA Live 09′ is the latest installment to the NBA Live series. As in all NBA live games, the players can play as their favorite players that they wish they could be in reality; Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony, Rip Hamilton. All the B-Ball gangsters they ever wanted to be in real life can be played as in NBA Live 09′ with even more sass than the past games in the series. The quick strike ankle breakers will make the frat boy feel like the best guards in the NBA. Play with Dwayne Wade as you fake out one of your opponents to your knees and have him throwing his controller against the wall just when a girl comes in their dorm room. Uh oh, his lack of composure has cost him the most hit ass girl from the frat boy catalogue of girls they know (even hit ass chicks like a little equanimity in the dumbasses they unconsciously want to marry).

  1. Gears of War 2

  Gears of War 2 brings out the barbarian in all the frat boys, i.e. the barbarian that they think will impress average looking college girls. When they play in horde mode, they feel like hot shit. Everyone is watching as you’re involved in chainsaw duels and knocking down entire infrastructures with your might power. In Gears of War 2, there’s more blood and gore making the frat boy feel like they can handle more of this debased reality. The frat boy can also get the sensitive college girl when the girls see that they’re writing in a war journal and writing personal letters. “Oh, if he could only write those to me” she wonders, and Gears of War 2 defines the frat boy in all his immediate satisfaction.

32 Comments

1. #1 Ramage says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:49 am

   LOL awesome. I play none of these games, that’s awesome.
2. #2 Mr. Polite says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:40 am

   The Pixies jab was uncalled for good sir.
3. #3 TheGamesta says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:54 am

   The only thing I hate more than generalizations, is agreeing with them. But damnit, this list is actually right-on.
4. #4 Putty says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:34 am

   Yeah this is spot on. Throw left 4 dead, GTA, and CoD and it’s complete.
5. #5 xino says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 10:16 am

   frat?
6. #6 Paul G says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:55 am

   Well I’m glad I’m not a fratboy, considering that I’m a 29 year old gamer and I don’t play any of these. I prefer Japanese RPGs and games that involve a lot of strategy like Valkyria Chronicles on PS3. I like only a couple of FPS games including the Resistance games and Bioshock on PC. Personally, I don’t like sports games, or competitive sports in general. Music games are OK but I never play them either. I play DDR only for the exercise and I prefer actually playing my guitar to it being in a game.
7. #7 james says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:35 pm

   paul: dont take things that OW says too seriously. they delight in sarcasm, and i’m sure they offended pretty much every type of person imaginable at this point.
8. #8 esz says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:01 pm

   Oh. My. God. When I found this site I though it’s kinda cool, but every text I read here got me closer to thinking it’s the most pathetic place in the whole Internet. I’m not a 360 fanboy or sth, I haven’t played any of those games, but the fact you’re attacking people and humiliate them because they play games you don’t like doesn’t show them as assholes. But it points you’re the Dick Masters of the Universe.
9. #9 The Mountain says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:34 pm

   LOL. How do you guys comes up with these lists?
10. #10 George says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    The trouble is that good games like Halo have the troubles of being associated with frat boys. You like Halo, I like Halo, but frat boys are the only bigger assholes in Halo than 12 year old’s.

    And I know I said that I’d leave for a week, but this is one of the only sites that my school hasn’t blocked. I need this site.
11. #11 Gull says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Cool! Hilarious! Lolz!

    Now do the same list for “Top 5 video games you’re currently playing if you’re an old Nintendo fucktard fanboy stuck in the Sega VS Nintendo era / a gradma / a 5 year old kid” – It’s practically the same list for all three.
12. #12 safcsx says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Actually a sweet list.
13. #13 DM says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:34 am

    Crap Zero…I was laughing at this list until I got to the Pixies barb. Doolittle is one of my top 10 albums at any given moment. And why are we worriying about frat boys? we’re too old! you are spending entirely too much time at Elmers.
14. #14 jim says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    this site sux.
15. #15 oopta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    funny list.
16. #16 Salo says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    I’m guessing you guys didn’t enjoy college too much.
17. #17 Chase357 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Taking a stab at the Pixies? OW has no taste.
18. #18 Nate says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:31 am

    Smash….
19. #19 Ben says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:54 am

    There’s no satire or parody in this article.

    There’s just a steaming load of bitterness.
20. #20 Gyb says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:18 am

    “…Whoever thought that Halo 3 could be analogized to a bar? It’s not really Halo 3’s fault though, right?”

    *I laughed*

    Everything now seems so boring, isn’t it? You helped me lessen it up by writing funny articles after a long hard sunny day.
21. #21 bodank82 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    I like how the females were brought into this list.

    And for the Pixies fans out there.. Can any of you HONESTLY say Frank Black has a good voice?

    Also,they wouldn’t be subject to criticism if their fan-base never exceeded the 80’s-90’s “post-punk” crowd onto the it’s cool because it’s from the 80’s generation Y hipsters.. Proving the relativity of what is viewed or “scene”(ha) as good music being based on it’s marketability and not true musicianship.
    The sad thing was the pixies reuniting and taking themselves seriously for most of that tour.. When people idealize abstract music wrote in young adulthood, there is a moral obligation for someone to stop it…. come on Francis Black…”this monkeys gone to heaven” can not be a timeless song for all to sing along to
22. #22 ryanh456 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:41 am

    wow dude. you just chose 5 of the most popular games out today and decided only frat boys like them. you guys need to get a life with these lists. sure frat guys probably play them but millions of other people do to. your just using this list to make your self feel better cuz you were probably unliked and antisocial in school. get a life.
23. #23 Michael says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:49 am

    I go to Wisconsin.. replace 1 and 2 with Smash Bros. 64 and Brawl, and the list becomes much more accurate.
24. #24 Brian says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    Rampage, Why would playing none of these games make you feel better about yourself? Pretty lame to never play Madden, Halo, or Gears.
25. #25 Casey says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    As a member of a fraternity, other than madden, we really dont play these games. In fact I am currently playing FFIII right now. This stereotype is certainly not applicable in all situations. Me and my brothers were up playing FFVII all weekend a few weeks ago.
26. #26 andrew says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    Saying that you’ve never played any of these games is a flat-out lie and you all know it.
27. #27 TwiTchy says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    lmfao i play every single one of these games
28. #28 bryan says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:02 am

    frat boys dont play halo 3…
29. #29 Journeythroughhell says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    If it’s what you call “fratboy” games, than I am proud to be one. Add Call Of Duty 4 and Left 4 Dead, I love those.
    Damn, you, people, are stuck up nostalgia fanboys.
30. #30 ash says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    You’re more likely to attract a girl by playing Gears of War than if she catches you dressed as Zelda with your penis in the cartridge slot of your NES
31. #31 alberto says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    …………………………………………….

    YES GEARS!!!

    …………………………………………….

    i love fallout, just don’t tell anyone of my boys
32. #32 alberto says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    @ash

    You are more likelly to attract a girl by going to the club, than playing gears on your mom’s basement