• Top 5 Tips For Beating Ghosts and Goblins

  

  Written by Zeromage 13 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 2, 2008

  As we have stated in previous articles, Ghosts N’ Goblins is one of the most difficult games of all time. We are lucky to get by the first level. If we ever made it to the second, it was in jest as our energy would be fully expended at this point. In this list, we will go through five tips on how to beat Ghosts N’ Goblins which is arguably the hardest game of all time which was appropriately ranked #3 in our hardest video games of all time. Some of these next tips may be unorthodox, but they are imperative for any success in this immensely difficult game. Anyone who has beaten Ghosts N’ Goblins had to do at least 3 of these next five tips.

  5. Game Genie

  Game Genie was the obvious first choice for anyone trying to beat Ghost’s N Goblins, but this was cheating so they really didn’t beat this game fairly. Still, you could see the ending, and not lose your weak ass armor in the process. The game would still be annoyingly hard in points though, especially when you got to the end and had to go back to a middle level in need of finding some artifact to finish the game. No Game Genie could help you with this. Game Genie was the first line of offense for the video game cheater, but it was excusable with how hard of a game G and G was.

  4. Valium

  Valium would certainly be necessary if the game player was serious about beating Ghosts N’ Goblins. After get dominated in the first level over and over, valium would calm down those nerves and give you a better perspective on how to combat the infinite amount of enemies with the shittiest armor in the world. The key though was not taking so much that you would become addicted. Was it worth addiction to beat Ghosts N’ Goblins? Maybe for some. Imagine someone being in rehab for valium addiction and when trying to find what caused them to take it in the first place, they answered “I just couldn’t get by the first fucking level of Ghosts N’ Goblins”.

  3. Stop Having Sex

  Remember George Costanza from Seinfeld? Remember when he stopped having sex? He was teaching the Yankees how to easily hit out of the park home runs on command at every pitch that went his way. Remember what happened to his IQ? He basically became a genius. Oh yeah, he learned a couple languages too. Stop having sex and you will gain a new found command over beating Ghosts N’ Goblins. You will have a focus you could never have imagined. All those monsters coming at you will be nothing when your mind is clear headed from all those lustful and hedonistic instincts.

  2. Pay someone to beat it for you

  If Valium and abstinence haven’t helped you in your fight to beat this near impossible game, then you could always find someone who’s considered the greatest game player in the world and pay them to beat it for you in front of their eyes. Be warned, you would have to pay for travel accommodations, food, and of course their time in beating the game which wouldn’t be quick even though they were great game players in the first place. It would be appropriate to have about 1000$ ready to spend for getting someone to beat this game. Of course, you don’t have the satisfaction of having beaten it yourself, but at least you get to see this bastardly hard game being beat in front of your eyes which is enough satisfaction in itself.

  1. Quit your job and devote your life to it

  The best chance you have at beating Ghosts N’ Goblins is to quit your job (if you have one) and devote your entire life to it. Basically its you for the rest of your life by yourself with a Nintendo powered by generator (to make sure it never accidentally gets turned off) and a controller in hand. It would be necessary to have 10-20 more controllers around you also for all the controllers you smash against the wall on your way to possibly beating this game. You have no life, you talk to no one. It’s just you and Ghosts N’ Goblins. This admirable commitment would require the utmost strength in character. It might take you 20 years of your life, maybe your whole life even. As long as you could go to your grave knowing you beat this game, you could rest easily with great satisfaction knowing that a game this hard couldn’t take down the sheer strength of the human will.

13 Comments

1. #1 The Mountain says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 10:12 pm

   Awsome article
2. #2 SlapStic.com says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 10:13 pm

   Haha 3 is hilarious.
3. #3 Linlock says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 10:17 pm

   Valium? To beat this game? Never played it but it must be tough.
4. #4 used cisco says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 12:19 am

   I beat it back in the day. Tried again on the VC and couldn’t do it. Tough, but not impossible. I got stuck in a level with fire and there is no way to get a new weapon before the end of the level so I’m screwed. Haven’t had the heart to start over and try again.
5. #5 Tom says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 4:02 am

   I basically left the game aside and stop playing it, after reading this article I am now feeling better by knowing many others also have the sama opinion that this is a god damn difficult game to play.
6. #6 Osama says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 1:03 pm

   One of the most difficult games I’ve ever played … but I still loved it
7. #7 gunsn1per says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 1:22 am

   LOL, I never get passed the flying Gargoyle in the middle of the 1st level.
8. #8 krazy says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 7:53 am

   i beat super ghouls and ghosts for nintendo the other day it’s so ridiculously hard and i spent along time as a kid playing it and never got anywhere
9. #9 Goblin1 says:
   March 18th, 2010 at 12:25 pm

   The Arcade version of GnG was far easier, one credit would see me to the tower level with two giant red demons as the boss. But the NES version is ridiculous!

   4x as many zombies appear in this version.
   8x as many birds in the 2nd level
10. #10 miketheratguy says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 5:06 am

    What about “prayer”?

    Unless that was to be saved for the insane sequel, SUPER Ghouls and Ghosts.