• Top 5 Reasons Not to Play Joust

  

  Written by Zeromage 15 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 22, 2008

  Everyone raves about Joust as being on par with Pac-man and Tetris. There’s a sacred set of games that are perfect in their simplicity. The later games are always amongst the first listed in this sacred set. For some reason though, people like to include the shitty game named “Joust” on that list as well. We are out to destroy that notion with this article. This game is boring, sonically annoying, and not worth the time for what the game tries to give in entertainment value. We hope that Joust will be disregarded as one of the great simple games after this article is read through.

  5. No Music

  How the hell can a game as boring as Joust not have any music? The one thing that can make an otherwise shitty game, or an enormously difficult game (Bayou Billly for example) good is a good soundtrack. If Joust is unplayable because of how boring it was, then it would be nice for it to have a good soundtrack to dance to while the game was going on. I wouldn’t have to play the game at all. I wouldn’t even have to look at the screen. I could just get enveloped by a good soundtrack. Not so with joust. There is nothing, except poor sounds (which is the next reason).

  4. Shitty Sound Effects

  Joust has the worst sound effects of any game I’ve ever played. To the game’s credit, the wings sounded like something that I have never heard in my life before. It sounded like a car wash come to think of it. The lava moving sounded like a refrigerator busting. The fireball shooting sounds seriously sounded like taking a shit. I know how hard it was for older games to mimic the sounds they were trying to mimic, but Joust just did a shitty job. Listen to them so you can judge for yourself.

  3. The screen never changed

  Pac-man could get away with a never changing screen, but as far as Joust goes, this is one of the major reasons for its downfall. Joust didn’t work as a simple game. It was just too boring (which we’ll discuss later in the article). Having to stay on the same screen with floating pieces of land and a poor looking excuse for a mythical dragon and sword would get tiresome quick.

  2. The illustration on game cover was better than the game itself

  

  Whenever a game’s outside cover illustration is better than the game itself, you know the game has to be shitty. You look at the outside cover of Joust and you’re thinking that you’re about to play a game as grandiose as Kid Icarus. You pop in the game and you’re playing an absolute snooze fest, flying around on God knows what, shooting something that looks like pieces of turd; Next time a game comes out that is this boring, please make a shitty cover so the gamer knows that he is going to be playing a shitty game. The cover gets our hopes up way too much, as opposed to a game like Mega Man. After looking at the poor cover of that game, you were actually thrilled to find out how great the game was.

  1. Boring as hell

  The number 1 reason not to play Joust is because of how boring it is. The art of simplicity was mastered by games like Pacman and Tetris. This same theme was attempted by games like Joust and Elevator Action. Both of these games are bad examples of simplicity. There was something fun about moving a chomper around a maze running away from ghosts. On the same token, there was something fun about fitting blocks into spaces. Flying an mythical winged creature around one screen bumping into others did not hold the entertaining power of the former games. It was simple, and it was dull as fuck. Joust proves that the whole adage of “making things more simple” doesn’t always work. There is a great possibility that the simplicity that goes into the game development makes it boring as hell.

  Related Posts: Top 20 Worst Video Games of All Time

15 Comments

1. #1 TheMountain says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:56 pm

   What a ridiculous article. How do you guys come up with these ideas?
2. #2 maybe... says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:08 pm

   Great article!
3. #3 n1kkoa says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:11 pm

   No kidding. Don’t be mad because you can’t get on the top score!
4. #4 mo says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:28 pm

   You should really consider taking a course in critical thinking. I’ve read deeper analysis on the wall of a bathroom stall.
5. #5 Mynister says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:30 pm

   Cover art? What the heck? Are you evaluating Joust for the SNES?

   Joust’s greatness, and it’s comparison against Pac-man comes from the classic arcade days, not from some crappy port the SNES.

   Arcade Joust, compared to other arcade games of the time, has one of the most distinct sound sets out there. It and Sinistar you could pick out across the arcade bye two or three distinctive sound effects. The flap of the mount wings. The spawn of a bad guy. And that insidious pterodactyl!

   Junior, I suggest you go find another way to work out your angst. Play some more Halo if classic arcade isn’t your thing.

   Kids. Tsk.
6. #6 Joustrocks says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:31 pm

   Sounds like someone who just aint very good at the game. I have enjoyed joust for a very long time and it does take skill to flap the wings and hover and destroy the opposing enemy. Two player is real fun too. Joust is for only thoughs who appreciate a simple yet challanging and skillful video game.
7. #7 shMerker says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:09 pm

   You’ve got the “being totally ridiculous” element of parody down pat. Now just work on actually being funny and this could be awesome.
8. #8 TheMountain says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

   Parody is Old-Wizard for any of the newcomers on here
9. #9 TheGamesta says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:44 pm

   This game was great back in the day, you guys just have horrible taste; or were born after 1990.
10. #10 HEATH says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    MAN YOU GUYS SUCK DONKEY DICK
11. #11 CampingKev says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:37 am

    I remember the button was on the “wrong” side of the stick at the arcade, I used to watch everyone play with their wrists crossed… I guess this jackarse is just a lefty hater. I’ve added “ZeroMage” to my company’s Websense filter so I don’t waste my time reading this guys carp again.
12. #12 Big A2 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:44 am

    I love reading through you guy’s comments. You’re hatred for someone who likes giving thier own opinion is halarious.
13. #13 LBD "Nytetrayn" says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:33 am

    You forgot the best reason: Balloon Fight takes a similar concept and does it better.

    –LBD “Nytetrayn”
14. #14 jake412 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:05 am

    yeah, reading carp is bloody hard work eh kev?
15. #15 broberg says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    Yeah this has to be for the NES version which was shitty becuase it was poorly made and the physical mechanics were weird and you bounce around like a bouncy ball. But the Midway Arcade Classic was fine tuned in the game mechanics and allowed for very nuanced skill building. It is in my opinion one of the greatest arcade classics. Simple yet incredibly dynamic