• Top 5 Reasons Indie Music is So Bad

  

  Written by Zeromage 37 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 31, 2009

  As any of the music readers of Old-Wizard know, indie music is our enemy.  It was listed as the worst music genre of all time on our recent list “Top 10 Worst Music Genres of all Time”.  That’s some position to have over and above Mainstream Country and even the Nickelback genre!  Indie music worse than Nickelback?  Surely you must be joking.  Not really.  Both are quantifiably bad but indie music takes the prize as worst genre because of how many people think the music is good.  Nickelback was saved by most people knowing they’re shit.  Here then is why indie music is the worst music genre of all time.
  

  5. The Musicians smell

  Ever have to walk by one of these messy loafs?  They smell like ass.  They probably ate at some shithole pizza place “in the city” and haven’t showered in days.  Dirty fuckers.  But that’s the way its supposed to be.  Ultimate freedom in smelling like ass, and if you can’t relate to their smelliness than you’re the guilty one for not understanding their stink fest which masquerades as some gesture for purity.  Don’t let the stink fool you.  Just because a musician smells like shit doesn’t mean they make good music.  It just means they want to make good music but can’t, so decide to smell like shit instead.

  4. Bad Musicianship

  The musicianship in these indie bands is abominable, and some jackass producer lets them get away with it because they know it will sell well to some mentally challenged group of people who think that bad musicianship means authenticity.  No it doesn’t.  It means they suck ass.  Because you suck ass doesn’t make you good.  By liking shitty musicianship, it encourages others to think that not knowing how to play their instrument is a good thing which produces more shitty unmistakable indie rock.  The only people who are listening to it are the people who are saying “HEY LISTEN TO THIS PART!”, which is probably some discordant bullshit.  It’s basically people catching the bad musicianship in a song and liking it because it’s different from what’s inherently harmonious.

  3. The Worst Fans

  Oh lord.  The fans, those indie fans.  The clothing they wear.  All those ripped tight ass shirts from the salvation army that have emblems from some old sports team or some saying from a charity organization that’s supposed to be funny in it ostensible “irony” (ostensible because it’s not irony.  It’s just people trying to be funny and not being funny).  These people ejaculate when they hear their shitty songs they think they love around other people because they know no one else knows the song but them making them feel different and therefore important.  Fat bastards; get rid of your tight clothes, lose some weight and go listen to Oasis’s first album and you’ll lose your arrogance in the guise of humility.

  2. Bad Songwriting

  I don’t know how to go about writing on the songs from the indie genre.  They’re not really songs.  They’re a mess of things put together.  You can list an entire bands catalog from the indie brand and they’re all bad.  These bands don’t know how to write a good chorus, never get to a chorus, or if they do, it’s usually indistinguishable from anything else in the mess of a song.  There is no song craft, probably because there’s a sense that song craft is something “limiting” to the much better unlimited songwriting of throwing shit together and thinking it sounds good because it was thrown together.

  1. Cacophony

  When the classical movement of expressionism became somewhat popular it paved the way for a style of music that focused not on tragedy, but was border line hard to listen to. Schoenberg though still operated under musical modes that required strong musicianship.  He would often tell his musicians “No No.  You’re playing it wrong, but it’s still not right!”  If only the jackass indie rock musicianship could take this aphorism and staple it to their forehead and on their ass every minute of the day then maybe we wouldn’t have to bear the ridiculous gestures of The Pixies, which to be sure are gestures, not music.  As was said before a million times in the past music articles written on Old-Wizard, difference for the sake of difference doesn’t equal quality.  It just means that you suck at music and have to rely on a mode of being that is infinitely flexible.

37 Comments

1. #1 Delta says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:40 am

   EPIC FAIL!! You’ve bored me!!

   Seriously though, gonna be funny to see the Indie fans attack.
2. #2 revrock says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:33 am

   Great list… It is not just indie music that blows- indie “anything” blows.
3. #3 BERSERKR says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:05 am

   I repeat, Your list of top 10 most important bands since Oasis would mostly be considered Indie, you guys don’t know music much do you?
4. #4 George says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:30 am

   This doesn’t change the fact that Noel and Liam aren’t fit to keep track of Paul McCartney’s bodily fluids, much less lay claim as a better band.
5. #5 Phil says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 10:43 am

   Indie music sucks.
6. #6 Hugh says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:27 am

   Its sad that people have to knock an entire genre of music. What does this article say about the state of music journalism today?
7. #7 James says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:21 pm

   What’s with all the music lists lately?
8. #8 Big City says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:34 pm

   What bands do you guys consider Indie?
9. #9 Eddie says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:41 pm

   Why are there never any video game articles anymore? If you like video games, chances are you’re not into indie music, you’re into heavy metal. This nerd wants video games to discuss.
10. #10 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Eddie, I’m into video games, and I don’t listen to heavy metal. Do you know how many people I know from Xbox LIVE who don’t listen to heavy metal? Almost everyone on my friends list and the same for people not on my friends list, but I’ve had extensive experience with.
11. #11 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    I love video games and will admit, that Metal is my first and number 1 music love, but its not all i listen too, i just don’t like popular radio crap.
12. #12 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    So, out of the hundreds of people I’ve encountered that’re gamers and know their music preferences, that makes one who’s really into metal.
13. #13 Gus says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:45 am

    I agree with Eddie. Go back to video games, guys.
14. #14 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:41 am

    And hurry up with the Hulk versus Thor article:P
15. #15 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:55 am

    “BERSERKR says:
    July 31st, 2009 at 2:41 am

    And hurry up with the Hulk versus Thor article:P”

    I concur!!
16. #16 UP2IP2 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:43 am

    Stop it with the fucking lists about music!!>=(
    man isnt ZM getting very un-original now
17. #17 Razor's Edge says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    @UP2IP2:

    How does writing about music make ZM unoriginal?
18. #18 Nick says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Guys, a few months ago the music lists were actually a nice break from the video game lists. It made the site pretty unique. We’d get 3 video game lists a WEEK and then maybe one music list or some other random list mixed in. Now it seems like we get one only ONE list a week, and for the past 3 weeks in a row its been a music related list. Its not that I don’t like your music lists, but its definitely not what I’ve been coming to site for. Please get back to games soon.
19. #19 Sage says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    It’s mainly my fault, ZM wanted a video game break, and I’ve been super busy so I’m behind on the list writing. Oh and we still don’t care what you think, the website is still increasing in popularity, and the next few lists will be written on whatever whim strikes us at that moment.
20. #20 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:44 am

    A comment from a friend when i asked him to peruse some of OW’s lists and comment on a few of the music ones.

    “nah, this is just funny. I had a look at a bunch of the lists & they’re so full of contradictions + overstatements that they must just be trying to fuck with people.”
21. #21 ima420r says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Indie music… at least it’s not Oasis.
22. #22 RyDezzy says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:57 am

    You know, it’s funny.. you waste so much time worrying about how “shitty” other people’s music is.. when you’ve forgotten its all about personal preference. And if your costantly scrutinizing music, how can you enjoy it?

    Also your just giving your opinion to the folks that share similar opinions.. cuz people like myself fall across this by accident, cuz we’re nerdy and like video games.. and we don’t waste our time worrying whether others like our music.. thats why its PERSONAL PREFERENCE!
23. #23 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:31 am

    So RyDezzy, if you don’t waste your time worrying whether others like your music or not, why bother complaining like a blithering idiot to defend your choice?
24. #24 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:55 am

    now?
25. #25 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:39 am

    Yep, it’s working BERSERKR. I guess you didn’t catch me mentioning it’s working for you. Now I’m going to be thrown off as I’m so used to the picture of what I assume’s you and your wife.
26. #26 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:48 am

    Ya it was me and my wife, Now its Garruk Wildspeaker, he is a planeswalker from Magic the Gathering, it could be me if i had the Helmet:P
27. #27 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:09 am

    I actually have a deck of cards from there, but they were given to me along with a bunch of other stuff. So I don’t really know how to play, nor know anyone to play MAGIC with.
28. #28 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Ya that’s the hard part, i only have one person to play with, you could play at a local comicshop most like if you have one. I believe you mentioned once you had an XBOX 360 correct? I’d say it would be worth it for you to purchase Magic the Gathering Duels of the Planeswalkers for it, its an XBOX Arcade title, its fun and will teach you how to play the game.
29. #29 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    I’d have to learn the game, I think I have a full enough deck to play. A friend of my brother in-law’s looked at it and said it was a pretty good deck, and the guy who gave it to me(along with his comic collection, some WIZARD magazines, and a few trading cards) I think played.

    And I do have a 360, but it’s broken and I haven’t been able to get it fixed yet. I heard good things about the game on a couple forums, and I am interested in it. Whenever I get a new one or get it fixed, I’ll definitely download the trial and try it.
30. #30 ADUB says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Oasis is an indie Brit-Pop band with a bigger budget. They haven’t had a decent song since “Wonderwall” or freakin “Champagne Supernova”. Brrrng! It’s the 90’s calling. They want their band back.
31. #31 ADUB says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    By the way I love this site about as much as I hate Oasis. But, I definitely respect your opinions. They’re at least decently thought out, which is more than we can say for n4g.
32. #32 nophilip says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    First off, Indie’s not a genre. It just means that the band isn’t signed to a major label. Second, you should all listen to The Decemberists. They’re considered “Indie”, and happen to be fantastic. Their latest album, The Hazards of Love, happens to be pretty much the greatest Rock/Folk opera ever. And amazing live as well.
33. #33 The Mountain says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    The Decemberists are the biggest pile of shit to come out of music this century
34. #34 patrick says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:16 am

    Indie’s more or less any alternative and/or rock independent label artist, and the independent thing doesn’t even factor some artists out anymore. It’s way too broad a genre to knock without losing credibility, period.
35. #35 Corina says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    This site fucking sucks.
36. #36 Mullet2dmax says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    Hey you forgot that Indie music doesn’t produce any HITS……EVER….except for that “MAPS” shit that got kinda popular… OK! The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are pretty good but that’s it. And Holy Fuck that Bitch must smell!