• Top 30 Seinfeld Characters

  

  Written by Zeromage 16 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 8, 2008

  20. Babu Bhatt

  This guy is from Pakistan. That is why his name is Babu Bhatt. Many other characters in popular culture are portrayed as being from Pakistan, and have similar names and occupations. However, their issues with the INS and the process of becoming an American citizen have not been as publicized as poor Babu’s. In the episode “The Visa”, Babu is depicted as being on his way to becoming a hard working citizen by getting a job at Monk’s. The food service industry is a very lucrative business and Babu must have felt like Donald Trump in that place. (If you remember, it was Jerry’s fault that his original restaurant went out of business after changing menus.) But after a mishap with the mail, Elaine, and the INS, Babu utters the lines that have made him the big bucks through entertainment capitalism. “I Kill You!!” and “You very bad man!” are lines that have been uttered by many Pakistani’s and foreign nationals a like when being hauled away by the INS after working so hard to survive. Babu is this high on the list because of his fighting spirit and never say die attitude. Although, “The Visa” ended with Babu’s brother informing the bunch that his brother is back in Pakistan. Good thing this happened in the 90’s…….because it could have been Guantanamo for this guy.

  19. J. Peterman

  Elaine’s boss and owner of the J. Peterman catalogue, Mr. Peterman is a suave and sophisticated blend of gentleman, poet and adventurer. A worldly fella with just enough eccentricity to pay $29, 000 for some King Edward the VIII wedding cake or start a foundation for an ‘employee’ named Susie who actually never really existed. Mr. Peterman is a paradoxical blend of haute couture and primitive huntsman. I guess you say he’s sort of the Lawrence of Arbia of Seinfeld. Raw enough to be the only half delirious, half naked, white poet warlord caving it up in the Burmese Jungle, yet still civilized and fashioncentric enough to be horrified at the sight of the ‘Urban Sombrero’ Elaine featured in the J. Peterman catalogue. For all it’s worth, Mr. Peterman is a cool cat who walks to the beat of his own drum and lives in a reality of his own making. He speaks in prose and is kind of ridiculous, but hey, that’s why we like him.

  18. David Puddy

  David Puddy was Elaine’s most serious boyfriend beginning at the later half of the Seinfeld series. Their on and off relationship made for some of the better moments in the series. David Puddy is what we would call an alpha male, working in an auto shop and calling men “fairy’s” who wore androgynous coats. He also epitomized the absurdity of the Seinfeld writing to its core. In that same episode he called Jerry a “fairy” for wearing a woman’s coat; he wore the same coat himself figuring he had enough maleness to pull it off. Elaine is astonished when Putty walks into her apartment wearing it. With all of Elaine’s attempts at trying to get rid of the feminine coat, like trying to throw it out of a window at a party they attend, she finally doesn’t have to bear the sight of Puddy in this eyesore when he decides to stop wearing it because he saw Jerry wearing the same one. Finally Elaine could get her normal David Puddy back, or so she thought, until Puddy enters into her apartment the next day with a “Magic 8 ball” coat. Elaine, crestfallen by yet another odd piece of garb that she has to endure, states irritably “What’s that?” Puddy responds “It’s the 8 ball! You got a question? You ask the 8 ball!” Throughout other episodes of their deciduous relationship, Elaine has to endure the peculiar behavior of Puddy who likes to body paint himself before hockey games and who openly expresses his love for Arbys. Elaine’s reasons for staying with Puddy are usually so inconsequential and trivial that they strike the utmost jocularity in the viewer. Puddy is certainly one of the reasons why the Seinfeld series of the later seasons were clearly some of their best.

  17. Elaine Benes

  Being the only female in the gang, Elaine offers her own unique femininity, or rather anti femininity depending on how you look at it. Far from the stereotypical sugar and spice and everything nice kind of woman, Elaine is just as impervious to civility and ‘niceties’ as the rest of the crew. Like the rest of the gang Elaine is far from typical. She won’t think twice about participating in a ‘who can hold out the longest’ masturbation contest then she will make a man prove his ‘sponge-worthiness’ before sealin the deal. Elaine is hard to the core, probably more so than anyone else in the crew. Telling it how it is seems to be a more natural than deliberate element of her character. Sending bras to braless wonders, and telling George’s dad that she’ll ‘lay him out like a bag of dirt’ when he accuses her of ‘hatching up a scheme to get his ‘boy’ arrested’ are just a few examples of her innate audacity. It’s no wonder she fits in so well with Jerry, George and Kramer. Like any good group of friends, they accept and take pleasure in each others idiosyncrasies even when the rest of the world doesn’t.

  16. The Soup Nazi

  Sporting a lightweight white handkerchief neatly folded around the neck, and a personality as cold as stainless steel, the Soup Nazi runs his soup shop with military strictness. Customers tolerate all of the rules and regulations this shop requires because the soups offered here are of an unmatched caliber. Breaking down these rules they seem quite simple: stay quiet in the shop, order your soup and quickly move to the left to pay, don’t complain about your order and don’t ever attempt to make small talk with the Soup Nazi. Some customers were allowed a free piece of bread with their soup yet there was no way of telling how the Soup Nazi selected his prized patrons. Being introduced during the 116th episode of Seinfeld this is often one of the most memorable characters of this show. His sternness and demand for the utmost respect for his business is shown when a customer doesn’t obey the rules. Not only do they get denied their soup, which is a huge loss in itself, but they are also publicly humiliated in the long soup line by being yelled out of the store with the famous phrase: “NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!”

  15. Mortimer Seinfeld

  Former raincoat salesman after 38 years. These few words are descriptive, but can do no justice to the gusto and spice he brought to life. He created the Executive for F sake. If you have never yearned for one yourself, you must not believe in his prowess for the raincoat industry. But Morty was a humble man outside of his entrepreneurial life. Morty served as president of the retirement community him and his wife Helen lived at. Through his dedication and selfless toiling the community thrived for many years. It wasn’t until a Cadillac was gifted to him by Jerry that suspicions were aroused and he was ousted from his power seat. But did that stop Morty Seinfeld? Does the line, “Cheap fabric and dim lighting. That’s how you move merchandise” mean anything to you? Well it sure did for Morty. He was a proud and stubborn S.O.B. and wouldn’t let Jerry buy him anything; not even a check at a restaurant. Through his mean and sometimes vulgar dialog he spread his crotchety retired cheer to everyone he met, including his fellow condo mates. Although they thought he was stealing from their association’s treasury, the only thing he was stealing was our hearts. But I tell ya…that Executive…now that’s the real steal.

  14. Jackie Chiles

  Jackie Chiles was the famous lawyer for all of Kramer’s mishaps. One wondered why Chiles would continue to take Kramer’s cases after the incident involving Kramer spilling a hot café latte on himself. We may remember how Java World was willing to settle for thousands of dollars and free coffee from any Java World. Kramer over excited by the later deal says “Ill take it” to the company exec before he is able to offer the thousands of dollars, much to Chiles chagrin as the scene ends with Chiles shaking his head in conspicuous disgust over the behavior of his client. Another exceptional date in court involved suing Sue Ellen Mishcke because she was only wearing a bra on the street which led to Kramer crashing his car. Chiles had the case in hand and everyone was ebullient over the oncoming victory. Only when Kramer insisted that Mishcke try on the bra (by the advice of his caddy), did they lose the case with Chiles appropriately calling the loss a “Public Humiliation, A Disgrace”. Chiles was never at a loss for an inordinate amount of assonance and wordiness in his diction, usually guided by his humiliations in cases taken by Kramer. Nonetheless he continued to take on Kramer’s cases at the prospect of pecuniary advancement. Chiles represents this money hungry type of lawyer who is willing to take cases over the most ridiculous charges. While ethically unsound, the comedic relief of his dealings with Kramer put him in our top 30 Seinfeld characters of all time.

  13. Lloyd Braun

  I”Why can’t you be more like Lloyd Braun”. Mrs Costanza would pique George with this line throughout his entire life making George feel exorbitantly inadequate in the face of not living up to this part-time madman. Braun was part of a losing a New York mayorial campaign which drove him to a nervous breakdown that procured him a place in a mental institution. Even after getting out of the institution, George’s parents would still look up to Braun as the son they never had. The contest was set when George’s father decided to start a business selling computers and Braun was the first hire for the “company” inside the Costanza’s garage. Having no ostensible free will over his parents, George was forced to work for this new start up company. As the only two salesmen, Braun and George would go head to head for supremacy over the Costanza’s hearts. The ubiquitously hapless George would continue to lose out to the poster boy of the Costanza household, even in his post-mental-institution state. Braun, formally equipped with his methodology for coping stress in the constant assertion of “serenity now” would keep himself in the lead of George throughout most of the episode, while the auspicious proverb would introduce Kramer to new found equanimity. Even, Frank (George’s father) would adapt the Braunian technos of “serenity now”. It’s at the end of the salesman episode though that we learn from Braun that this proverb actually put him in the nuthouse in the first place, ending off his role in Seinfeld with the frigid line “Serenity now, insanity later!”

  12. Kenny Bania

  Kenny Bania was a NYC comedian who played many of the same clubs and circuits that Jerry played, much to Jerry’s dismay as he always had to endure Bania’s haggard attempts at comedy. Jerry would try to save Bania’s attempts at comedy by mentoring Bania with such desiderate lines as “Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine!” Bania retorts with “That’s gold Jerry, Gold”, making the viewer realize that Bania was a truly poor comedian to be impressed with such an awful joke. Other entertaining episodes include Bania making Jerry feel guilty about giving him a new Armani suit Bania wasn’t wearing anyways. Bania’s insistence that he could “just” take him out to dinner created an awkward situation for Jerry who rather never be around him, ever. Bania’s insistence at getting a full meal at Mendy’s proved difficult for Jerry to accomplish as the first time they went to Mendy’s together, Bania only ordered a soup and sandwich, which didn’t constitute a full meal in Bania’s mind. Jerry, awestruck by this supposed canard, tries to argue that lunch is the act of going out to lunch, not the size of the meal. Bania’s character, always asserting everything in superlatives and negatives was just another one of Seinfeld’s list of peculiar characters that you will probably never have the blessing to come across in this life time. Perfectly annoying and always parasitic, Bania was Jerry’s second biggest annoyance throughout the Seinfeld series.

  11. Bob Cobb “The Maestro”

  The Maestro, who’s real name was Bob Cobb, was yet another one of Jerry’s antagonists in Seinfeld. The Maestro filled with aggrandized pretensions of being one of the best composers in New York City, looked down on sycophantic pedestrians, especially those who made a living off comedy. Ascending tune’s and baroque melodies would come from the Maestro at every chance occurrence, making Jerry and other denizens feel subordinate to this cultured wonder of the arts. Jerry would get a little payback on the haughty character of The Maestro by realizing how banal his real name was, and also finding out that The Maestro performed in retirement homes. Anything Jerry could get to retort to The Maestros invariant glib remarks like when The Maestro insisted that there were no places in Tuscany to rent from, trying to keep Jerry from contaminating the bucolic region. As the Maestro starts dating Elaine, Jerry realizes that he will have to encounter this priggish composer for some time to come. Only by finding out who the real “Maestro” is (Bob Cobb) would Jerry have any chance at showing everyone who he really was. We have all met a Maestro before who make us feel like average philistines in our own clothes. But what would Seinfeld and the world in general be like without someone to despise for justified and even unjustified reasons. A person as convoluted as the Maestro, always makes things interesting.

  Pages: 1 2 3

16 Comments

1. #1 StuffGuy says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 1:46 am

   Good to see George got #1. Costanza…”CAN’T STAND YA!”

   Frank at number 4 is awesome too… “You want a piece of me?!”
2. #2 Hi says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 10:14 pm

   Omg Elaine should be at number #1 not number #17

   It should be…..#4 George
   #3 Jerry
   #2 Kramer
   #1 Elaine
3. #3 Marcus34 says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 10:47 pm

   This list is pretty good, i agree that elaine should be higher up on the list, but i think it’s ubsurd that frank costanza(jerry stiller’s character) is that high on the list, there were parts of the show when i knew he was going to have a 2 or 3 minute segment and i’d turn the channel so i didn’t have to watch his angry, hairy, old ass yell and scream stupid shit.

   The same goes for J Peterman, i think it’s funny that he launched from his seinfeld character to being a cancelled crappy game show host.

   My favorite character on seinfeld is and will always be Kramer, Michael Richards’ character is THE reason people tuned in week after week.
4. #4 etam says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 2:49 pm

   i dont know how peterman is so low on the list that guy is classic. also jerry and kramer should have been #1 and #2 with costanza at three.
5. #5 Bobby says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 12:59 am

   Where is Bookman? The library worker who takes his job too seriously?

   And I agree with George at 1. Whoever said Elaine should be needs to shut the hell up, she was one of the worst characters.
6. #6 Alex says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 2:19 pm

   Where’s Estelle Costanza?? Susan Ross?? The Rosses?? Bookman??

   Llyod Braun wasn’t that great a character (though I’ll give it, his character did make for a classic episode).

   Still a good list though. The greastest character, IMO, is the one character most people think of first and those that didnt even watch the show that often can most associate with it. I think that’s between Kramer and George. I put Kramer at #1.
7. #7 Ivey says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 3:33 am

   As long as George is number one im satisfied, hes probably the best character of all sitcoms.
8. #8 Kevin says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 7:25 pm

   What about the guy I think was in the first season or second I cannot remember, he shares a cab with Jerry and they end up watching Rochelle, Rochelle together and he’s also a stand-up comedian and he was just annoying Jerry throughout the whole episode I found it funny and wish he could’ve came back in later episodes to annoy him more. Still a pretty good list though, I will agree, where bookman is, or what about the guy that was hired as Jerry’s butler who stole the statue of George and Kramer stole it back pretending to be a PI? that one was pretty good moments there as well.
9. #9 M Di Maria says:
   March 17th, 2010 at 6:24 pm

   Who was the awesomely beautiful girl Jerry dates in “The List”?
10. #10 Kevin says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    What about the guy in the Seinfeld episode? his name was Jean-Paul!!! this guy was funny when he started swearing on the set and calling the baby a bastard when he was really a bastard child…HAHAHA… “No it was the volume! Yes Seperate knob… WHY SEPERATE KNOB! WHY SEPERATE KNOB!!!” …….. AWESOME!!!
11. #11 Galactus20 says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 3:13 am

    Awesome list!
12. #12 Julie says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Pretty good list – considering our dogs are Kramer & Newman! We just got a puppy and can’t decide between Puddy & Maestro!
13. #13 Jesse says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    To all wondering why elaine isnt higher on the list… Before i go over this i must explain i own all seasons and have watched ALL episodes with commentary and notes about nothing, not to mention all inside looks (i know im a loser )

    But basically the elaine character was only ever put in the show because NBC knew women wouldnt watch if it was just men, she was added simply to make the show appealing to girls, and most of her stories are quite weak in terms of making guys laugh, alot of them are very “you go girl” sort of moments. Seinfeld in essence is really a show about George and Kramer, with Jerry being the show holder, and Elaine being a female character to get women to watch. The majority of laughs and applauded entires are for George and Kramer, they are really the reason that most people, and myself included, tune in
    Thanks for your time, feel free to flame me for being a sexist bastard now
14. #14 Chubster45 says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 5:29 am

    Elaines boyfriend brett should be right up there
    “haha… thats really funny, elaine told me you were somekind of comedian”