• Top 30 Seinfeld Characters

  

  Written by Zeromage 16 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 8, 2008

  The staff members here at Old-Wizard are in unanimous agreement that Seinfeld is the best TV show ever created. While not ostensibly having anything to do with the prevalent “nerd” theme of the site, we can leap beyond the formal bounds of logic and make the connections regardless. George? C’mon, This guy has got to be the coolest uptight 4-eyed nerd we have ever seen on TV. Kramer? Who else in modern sitcoms has been described as a “Hipster Doofus”? Elaine? Only the nerdiest of nerds dances as poorly as Elaine does. The list goes on and on as nerds can be seen everywhere in the show from Newman to Babu. So while at first it seems like a “Top 30 characters of Seinfeld” list seems out of reach for the basic theme of the website, at closer inspection, it seems somewhat appropriate. Like all our lists, we thought long and hard about who would be included. For this “Top Characters of Seinfeld” list specifically, we had to increase the list to 30 after all the noticeable omissions we were making in the original top 20 list. Theoretically, we could have even made a top 40 list that would have included most of the minor characters in the Seinfeld series, but some of the roles were so small, it would be difficult to write anything on them, beyond their desiderate one liners. Being satisfied at 30, we present you with the definitive “greatest characters in Seinfeld” list.

  30. Jimmy

  Jimmy is the first person we meet in TV history who speaks in the third person. It takes a while for the main characters of Seinfeld to realize that Jimmy is refering to himself when speaking. Elaine especially is confused by this when seeking a name of a “hot guy” at the gym. How could Elaine have known that Jimmy was referring to himself when he said “Jimmy’s got the hot’s for you!”? Jimmy would prove to be one of the more peculiar characters in Seinfeld history not just for his 3rd person parlance, but also for his riddelin-induced personality, always on his toes and ebullient about the smallest of YMCA basketball games. Jimmy would be hospitalized by slipping on some of Kramer’s water that was spilling out of his mouth. This in turn would lead to a scene with Jimmy punching Kramer in the mouth leading to Kramer’s appearance as a mentally disabled person living on his own in New York City. Among other 3rd person referentials conspicuously coming out of Jimmy’s mouth were “Look who took the bread out of Jimmy’s mouth!”, “Jimmys going into shock!”, “Hand’s off Jimmy! Everyone, Don’t touch Jimmy!”. Anyone who talks like this has to be included not only on a “Best characters of Seinfeld” list, but a “Best TV characters of all time” list. Who among us would not take the chance to befriend someone in real life so odd? Imagine all the people you could confuse if you had a friend who naturally spoke like this?
  

  29. Ramon “the Pool Guy”

  In case anyone forgot, Ramon is the “Pool Guy”, and as a “Pool Guy”, it’s understandable that he may not have a lot of friends. After seeing Jerry outside a movie in the 7th season, he asks Jerry to hang out, which Jerry casually accepts. Little did Jerry know that Ramon would turn this befriending request into a full on “best friends forever” relationship. Ramon’s nerdy friends giggle at Jerry when they see him asking him “How did it go with Ramon?” as if Jerry and Ramon were 8th grade daters. It’s on a fateful day in the subway though that Jerry gets in the subway before Ramon can get in, with Jerry quipping “I’m sorry Ramon, but I already have enough friends”, disparaging the lonely friend-seeking Poolman into a hissy fit on par with the most love-sick of teenage girls. Jerry would have trouble shaking Ramon at the gym where he swims and works out with Ramon interfering in Jerry’s swimming every time he went across the middle of the pool. Ramon would crash the pool stick against Jerry’s swimming for Jerry’s ostensible apostasy. Ramon is an un-self-conscious character just looking to have simple fun, not worrying about how girly he can come across sometimes in his friendship. Little did he know that he was dealing with the most critical of self-conscious New Yorkers.
  

  28. Franklin Delano Romanowski (FDR)

  Franklin Delano Romanowski (FDR) was a friend of Kramer’s who had it out for Kramer. We don’t know why he had it out for Kramer for much of the episode, but we see FDR’s blowing out of candles at his own birthday party looking shifty eyed at Kramer when he was appearably making a wish. We learn later that he wished Kramer to “drop dead” putting Kramer in a tizzy. Kramer would go on to seek Newman’s birthday wish to counter-act FDR’s wish for Kramer to drop dead. Hilarious scenes developed with both FDR and Kramer pulling out there eye lashes to counter-act each others wish for Kramer to drop dead. Kramer would try to up the deadly wishes of FDR by wishing on a shooting star when no one was around, but we learn that FDR also wished on that shooting star knowing that Kramer may wish back for his life on it. This childish behavior could only strike at the childishness of the viewers who saw this absurdity as pure entertainment. We learn at the end of the episode that 2 years ago, Kramer threw a mighty snowball at FDR outside of the coffee shop they usually eat in. It’s this snowball that caused havoc on Kramer’s life and put him in serious jeopardy of FDR’s lugubrious wishes. Seinfeld viewers all wish they could see more of FDR.

  27. Keith Hernandez

  Keith Hernandez becomes the bee’s knees and arch enemy for the main characters of Seinfeld. For Newman and Kramer, he was a wretched, abject baseball player willing to spit on fans that dislike his play. For Jerry and Elaine, he was a marvelous baseball player with a nice thick mustache and handsome looks! Jerry develops a sort of man crush on Keither when they meet at the gym and Keith tells Jerry that he likes his act. After all the coquettishness, Keith asks Jerry to “hang out”. He doesn’t call Jerry for awhile evoking Jerry into a frantic school girl disposition. This becomes even further developed when Keith meets Elaine and they start to hit it off making Jerry wildly jealous asking Elaine, “Did you even watch game 7?” Keith proving to be the consummately sought-out man’s man would not be providentially recognized by everyone though. Kramer and Newman remember being spitted on by Keith at a game they attended because they quipped at him “Nice game pretty boy”. The reconstruction of the whole event parodying JFK, even made Jerry reenact a crime scene to show how impossible it was for spit to hit Kramer and then ricochet into Newman. We learn that the real spitter was Roger Mcdowell and all is well again with Kramer and Newman joining the “I love Keith Hernandez” club by helping him move his furniture out of his current residence. What do we learn from Keith Hernandez in Seinfeld? Not much…Just that both men and women can have crushes on famous baseball players.

  26. The Caddy

  The Caddy appears in episode 122 when we witness Kramer befriend this greensmith for improving his golf game. From this point on, Kramer seeked the advice from the Caddy on everything beyond the game of golf much to peril of Kramer and Jackies Childs lawsuit against Sue Ellen Mischke, the heiress to the “Oh Henry” candy estate. The Caddy, feeling somewhat audacious after his help in drastically improving Kramers life and golf game, decides to take on the role of a trial lawyer at the end of a trial that would cost Child’s and Kramer a prize of millions of dollars. The trial, based on the impertinence or non-impertinence of wearing “just a bra” in the middle of the public daylight would come into the favor of the Kramer/Child’s symbiosis only to be lost by The Caddy’s “advice” that Kramer so assiduously seeked at the end of the trial, looking for a closing argument. The Caddy’s advice to “have her try the bra on” would prove to be deleterious to the great opportunity in their grasp. The bra didn’t fit, mostly because Mischke had plenty of clothes on underneath, much to the vexation of Child’s who tells Kramer at the end of an episode “I’ve been in this business for a long time, and you listening to a caddy!” Nonetheless, The Caddy did improve Kramer’s golf game and came across with the type of stoic demure needed to eventually become a good trial lawyer, but for now he is on our list mostly for creating a bad ending to one of Kramer and Child’s forays into cheap lawsuits.

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16 Comments

1. #1 StuffGuy says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:46 am

   Good to see George got #1. Costanza…”CAN’T STAND YA!”

   Frank at number 4 is awesome too… “You want a piece of me?!”
2. #2 Hi says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 10:14 pm

   Omg Elaine should be at number #1 not number #17

   It should be…..#4 George
   #3 Jerry
   #2 Kramer
   #1 Elaine
3. #3 Marcus34 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 10:47 pm

   This list is pretty good, i agree that elaine should be higher up on the list, but i think it’s ubsurd that frank costanza(jerry stiller’s character) is that high on the list, there were parts of the show when i knew he was going to have a 2 or 3 minute segment and i’d turn the channel so i didn’t have to watch his angry, hairy, old ass yell and scream stupid shit.

   The same goes for J Peterman, i think it’s funny that he launched from his seinfeld character to being a cancelled crappy game show host.

   My favorite character on seinfeld is and will always be Kramer, Michael Richards’ character is THE reason people tuned in week after week.
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   November 20th, 2009 at 10:51 am

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5. #5 etam says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:49 pm

   i dont know how peterman is so low on the list that guy is classic. also jerry and kramer should have been #1 and #2 with costanza at three.
6. #6 Bobby says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:59 am

   Where is Bookman? The library worker who takes his job too seriously?

   And I agree with George at 1. Whoever said Elaine should be needs to shut the hell up, she was one of the worst characters.
7. #7 Alex says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:19 pm

   Where’s Estelle Costanza?? Susan Ross?? The Rosses?? Bookman??

   Llyod Braun wasn’t that great a character (though I’ll give it, his character did make for a classic episode).

   Still a good list though. The greastest character, IMO, is the one character most people think of first and those that didnt even watch the show that often can most associate with it. I think that’s between Kramer and George. I put Kramer at #1.
8. #8 Ivey says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:33 am

   As long as George is number one im satisfied, hes probably the best character of all sitcoms.
9. #9 Kevin says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:25 pm

   What about the guy I think was in the first season or second I cannot remember, he shares a cab with Jerry and they end up watching Rochelle, Rochelle together and he’s also a stand-up comedian and he was just annoying Jerry throughout the whole episode I found it funny and wish he could’ve came back in later episodes to annoy him more. Still a pretty good list though, I will agree, where bookman is, or what about the guy that was hired as Jerry’s butler who stole the statue of George and Kramer stole it back pretending to be a PI? that one was pretty good moments there as well.
10. #10 M Di Maria says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Who was the awesomely beautiful girl Jerry dates in “The List”?
11. #11 Kevin says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    What about the guy in the Seinfeld episode? his name was Jean-Paul!!! this guy was funny when he started swearing on the set and calling the baby a bastard when he was really a bastard child…HAHAHA… “No it was the volume! Yes Seperate knob… WHY SEPERATE KNOB! WHY SEPERATE KNOB!!!” …….. AWESOME!!!
12. #12 Galactus20 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:13 am

    Awesome list!
13. #13 Julie says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Pretty good list – considering our dogs are Kramer & Newman! We just got a puppy and can’t decide between Puddy & Maestro!