• Top 10 Signs You Play Too Many Video Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 62 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 5, 2008

  There are many ways to know that you’ve played too many video games in your day. Some reasons are more obvious than others. Ever get that pain in your hands from holding a controller too long? Ever need to get up and go to the bathroom to see if your eyes still work? Ever refer to yourself in public as the “blue bomber”? The signs are numerous for this phenomena, and in this list we’ll go through the top ten ways to know that you’ve played too many video games. This was a difficult list to make as there were so many signs that you were knee deep in the video game world…and never coming back. Are you, like us, one of these people who are never coming back to “reality”? Here’s how you can tell.

  
  10. You’re Overweight

  Watch that waist size. You may have started out as a size 32 but after a year of hardcore video gaming, it wouldn’t be surprising if you’re not pushing a 42! There is nothing more fun than eating while playing a video game.  These two pleasures go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly, and who knows how many PB and J’s you’ve had while trying to get the fastest speed in the new Mario Kart. And who knows how many bags of chips you’ve dominated while trying to beat an old Nintendo game that you have never finished up to this point in your life.

  9. You Breathe Hard

  Along with being overweight comes breathing hard. This needed to be a reason on its own though because of how conspicuous hard breathers are. Listen to someone after they play a video game for too long. Most likely they are in the kitchen scarfing down some KFC. Listen to how loud they are and how hard they are breathing. Their movement from the chair they play a video game from to the kitchen where they’re eating was the most exercise they have gotten all day, and you can most certainly hear it. It’s as loud as a Lesko fan turned to three. You wouldn’t be surprised if your neighbor could even hear it.

  8. You refer to your boss as “Bowser”

  You and your friends at work refer to your boss as “Bowser”. Anyone else at work who doesn’t like their boss probably refers to them as “assholes” or “bitches”, or any other negative connotation belonging to popular language. You on the other hand, think of all the video game bosses in the past who you couldn’t beat. You think of how you couldn’t get by Bowser because of how randomly he jumped and all the hammers he could throw. This inviolability is perfectly epitomized in your boss at work. He’s a fire breathing bastard you can’t get past. He is always breathing down your neck and stealing shit from you.

  7. Carpel Tunnel

  This obvious way of knowing that you’ve played video games too much was popularly signified in “South Park”. This funny scene of the South Park crew trying to build up their levels was no mere joke though. It is a reality for many video gamers out there. Their hands hurt as bad as a tooth ache after playing a game for so long. There are not many ways one can get Carpel Tunnels besides playing video games for too long. At some point, you have to put down the controller and give your poor hands a rest.

  6. Visual Impairment

  Beyond Vertigo, a tell tale sign that you have been playing a video game too long is your lack in of seeing straight. Everything looks fuzzy. You’re dizzy and almost feel like you need to throw up. You look in the mirror and only see a haze that resembles yourself. You see some graphics in the mirror but this is from the video game you were just playing. Your eyes just can’t adjust to the real world. You’re still trying to shoot at all those spaceships that were trying to invade the earth. They are still appearing in your eyes. Hopefully it will heal itself in time, but you will now probably need glasses making you the prototypical video gamer who doesn’t know when to quit.

  5. You stand up your girlfriend to play the new Mega Man

  The new Mega Man is out! It’s Mega Man 9! In fact, it has the same exact form of Mega Man 2 and 3! What? Are you kidding me? You mean I don’t have to endure a sorry excuse for a modern Mega Man game that’s a first person shooter, with 3D graphics and lacking in a simple storyline? Alright! Where can I get it? Shit, I can download it? I’m downloading this shit right now. Oh shit, this is the first time that one of the bosses is a woman; Splash Woman to be exact. I want to fight her first. Cool level, sort of reminds me of Bubble Man’s level from Mega Man 2. Your phone rings and it’s your girlfriend, “Where the fuck are you, I’ve been waiting here at Olive Garden for over an hour!”

  4. You’re Socially Retarded

  You try to go to parties and be social. Instead, you’re in the corner trying to find the nerdiest person in the room so you can talk to them about the latest Zelda game you’re playing, or reminisce about an old code from the Nintendo days. You try talking to some women, but the conversation falls on deaf ears as your social graces are not appealing to the opposite sex. Why are you even here in the first place? Just go home and play the latest video game you bought, or download an NES emulator and try to glitch Metroid in Ridely’s Hideout. All those new territories you haven’t explored yet!

  3. You bring in a picture of Link when you get a haircut

  It’s that time again. It’s haircut time. You have been playing a lot of Zelda since your last haircut and have become fond of Link’s appearance. You say to yourself “Boy, I wish I could have that hair”, and your mind is so filled with fantasy, you actually think you can have it. You get an animated picture of Link and bring it into for your barber to see. It’s when you see the look on the barber’s face that you know that you’ve probably played the game for too long. He cordially agrees to give you the haircut, but you know he thinks you’re completely out of your melon wanting to looking like a character from a video game.

  2. You think Street Fighter The Movie was a good movie

  Only the person who has played too many video games in their life would see Street Fighter The Movie as a good movie. Only someone so immersed in the actual game could appreciate what the big screen always tries to bring to it. You’re not even aware that Van Damme is the main actor in the movie. If you realized this and weren’t so consumed in the fact that it was a movie about Street Fighter, you would dismiss the movie right off hand. You may even gain a new found appreciation for Van Damme after this. If this happens, then you’ve most certainly played the game too long and forgot about anything other than what quality gaming is. Quality acting for you is completely foreign at this point.

  1. Death

  The #1 sign that you’ve played too many video games is if you actually die from playing one too long. There have actually been documented cases of people dying when playing a game too long. Of course, at death, you won’t realize that you have played a video game too long because you have died. If there is an afterlife, maybe you will come to realize that your fate was sealed in a video game. You didn’t have time to eat, drink water, go to the bathroom; basically, everything you need to do to survive was forgotten for the video game you were playing. After a couple days of malnourishment, you simply collapse and fall into eternal rest. You are the ultimate video gamer. You have secured a legacy for yourself that most video gamers could never dream of.

62 Comments

1. #1 tim says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:55 am

   Shut up Bright_Raven, you’re probably eleven. People who, without having their intelligence question brag about it are complete cock jockeys.
2. #2 D-D-D-Douchebag says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:54 am

   Hay guyz halo is gay
3. #3 Ray Pozzo says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:02 pm

   Thankfully I have too short of an attention span to worry about dying from playing too many video games or anything associated with playing them too much. XD
4. #4 k9 of death says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:56 pm

   this is so lol i going to tell all my friends
5. #5 SauerKraus says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:07 am

   hehe, i used to have audio hallucinations when i took breaks from warcraft. hearing swords clashing in the middle of class is freaky.
6. #6 Uhhhhhhhhh,pie says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:24 pm

   So this means…my parents are wrong! Thank you Old-Wizard!!!!! My brother and I fall under none of those categories. Except for my eyes. I had to get glasses but it probably has nothing to do with video games…right? It happens to a lot of people…right?
7. #7 Wolf says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:46 pm

   you also should’ve put hearing the sounds of your game in your head when the sounds on mute its happened to me before

   and uhhhhhhhhh,pie playing videogames for to long can screw up your vision because your starring at something close in front of you in the same place for a long time which isn’t exactly good for your eyes
8. #8 allllie says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:58 pm

   uhm, video games are retardedddd!
   &&& your stupid for playing them.
   maybe occasionallly their alrighttttt; but i still think their stupidd!

   
   thanks ,
9. #9 allllie says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:08 pm

   HAHAHA, your obviously not in control budddddd;
   i have a freedom of speeech, && wtff ” old wizard ”
   grow upppp; chances are you guys could ber dateableee, so why waiste time on video games?
   go out there and get a babeeeee;

   im just helpin you out, get too know realityyyy!

   
   thanks dolll.
10. #10 Ian says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    wow allllie, i dont know whats more annoying, everything you said or the fact that you put extra letters randomly in to words… Im in university studying how to make computer games and ive only been single for about 3 months in the last four years so I think that its pretty clear playing games alot doesnt make you undateable if thats even a word, ive forgotten what i was trying to say in the first place so im gonna end it at that..
11. #11 Landon Castagnola says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:47 am

    frst of all Halo pwns Call of Duty MW2. Second i masturbate to GTA4 and third what losers read and comment about this????