• Top 11 Reasons Not to Go to Your High School Reunion

  

  Written by Zeromage 23 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 11, 2008

  We at Old-Wizard have never been to a class reunion in our life times, so we must have numerous reasons why the thought of even attending these things grosses us out. In this list, we will go through the eleven reasons why we don’t attend our class reunions. We have mapped out what in our nerdish brains keeps us from these events. We think that many of you will understand our reasons because the thought grosses you out also. Here we are then with our 11 reasons.

  11. Your friends liked the Sega Genesis

  You had close friends in highschool, unfortunately, they were Sega Genesis fans. You on other hand knew how much more powerful of a system the SNES was. You know how many great games were for the SNES system (just check out our top 100 video games of all time list so you can remember). But your nerdy friends talked about Sega for some reason everytime you were by the locker. It was Shining Force this, or Sonic that. Why couldnt they understand thaty with just one hour with a game like Soul Blazer, they would be converted to the SNES medium for eternity? Having to go to a class reunion and hear the reminissing about a bad video game system has to be the first reason not to attend this event.

  10. The Teacher hosting the event was a dick to you in school

  I’ve been mailed a flyer for a class reunion and saw who was hosting it. It was a former math teacher who had the personality of tree bark and would consistently give so much homework that it could never be finished, making your grade go down from an A to B. Screw this guy. Why the hell is he even hosting an event? Who the hell does this asshole think he is? Does he think anyone actually liked him? Of course, there will be those who say “Oh so and so is hosting the event…that hardass”, in an overtly self-satisfied tone, making the teacher seem to be less of a dick than he really was due to some maturity on your level, if you like to consistently interpret yourself as mature, and rather not as slavishly accepting.

  9. There’s better things to do that night

  There must be something better to do the night of your class reunion. There must be some average made-for-TV movie playing on TBS or Lifetime that strikes your muse more than playing social puppet for the evening. Hell, you could even go to Target and by some decent argile socks. I think you can even get a three in a package for 10 dollars. There are many fun things to get at Target that are below 10 dollars. Candles, Headphones, Shirts, Ice Cream, Target has it all. Oh yeah, one more thing, they have that little restaurant where you can get those salty pretzels and a hotdog for under a dollar. Yeah, I think I want to go to Target instead.

  8. You don’t like the way your current partner looks

  A strong reason why not to go to your class reunion is because your current partner isn’t “up to par” if you know what I mean. We hate to extend the bounds of our social and political incorrectness to include this superficial reason, but isn’t it the truth? Just think, you go to the class reunion and see a friend there with his trophy wife, or at least an above average looking partner. You in your desperation have settled for much less and everyone around you knows it, and they talk about it after the event in their homes. “Wow, I can’t believe Ken is with her, I wonder what happened”. Welcome to the 21st century.

  7. Being stuck in a Gymnasium is a shitty feeling

  How crappy was it always being stuck in a Gym in high school. The Gymnasium was not like the gymnasium of old Greco-Roman times. The modern high school gym smelled like shit because of everyone sweating in these man-made prisons. The thought of being in a gym reminds you of your self-righteous gym teacher who satiates over his power-role more than most teachers. The lighting is also shit in these places. It’s brighter than an interrogation room. Let’s not forget the floors that gave you knee scrapes from the strange salt always being on it. The gym was the shitty be to place in school. There’s no reason for us ever visit one again.

  6. The music that’s played at this event

  I have heard of the type of music played at these events. Ever hear the music played at a wedding reception? Soft ass soprano sax music to start off. As the event wears on, the music gets more intense, but only slightly to get everyone into the mood. Maybe some top 40 radio will enter through the massive gymnasium halls. Head bobs may be perceived by those who wanted to be accepted in high school but weren’t. The head-bob shows the lack of self-consciousness in the individual who has adapted to the social environment. I’M NOT SOMEONE YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF ANYMORE! Basically, if you have any taste in music, you may find it painful to be at this event.

  5. You have to dress up for the part

  You already have to dress up for work. You come home and want to wear sports shorts and a ripped shirt. You want to sit on the couch and watch the original Star Wars trilogy from beginning to finish. Why would you want to have to stay in your full time dress for anything? A class reunion is one of many events where you wouldn’t be able to relax in tamed down apparel. You have to dress the part when going to a class reunion. Everyone needs to know that you’re an accepted part of society by the dress you wear. This sucks. If I ever got dragged to one of these events I would go drunk in my pajamas.

  4. You have a shitty car

  Along with all the other reasons that embody status symbol with these events, there is none more important than the car you drive. One of your unspoken rivals from high school drives up in a Mercedes and you drive up in a Chevy Impala with one of the lights busted on the front. He sees this and you see his Mercedes. Case closed. You’re done for. Your rival has won the war of life because he has a better car than you. Suits you can fake, you can even lie about your current job, but your car speaks volumes. Your lies will be known as lies once everyone at the reunion sees what you drive.

  3. Your close friends are more successful than you

  A huge reason why not to go to a class reunion is because your friends from high school are more successful than you. They can say “Well, I am the current financial manager of J and J industries”, and you will say “I currently sell insurance”. The immediate and subtle thought will enter both of your heads. He is better than you, and you have just not taken on the world better than him. He is mighty, and you are small. You can try your hardest to keep yourself uplifted in the face of his massive position over you, but in the end the facts are the facts, as far as society goes, and anyone who attends these events guide their lives as far as society goes. Any other ranking system is extirpated in the face of current social norms.

  2. There is nothing worse than small talk

  Is there anything worse than small talk? You see people from the past that you had a very general acquaintance with. This general acquaintance continues on further when you go to the event and strike up chit chat with the general acquaintance. What is there possibly to talk about with a person you don’t even know anymore? Well, there’s probably much you think since you haven’t seen them in awhile. But the conversation will not deepened past “Oh, how are things going” and “What are you doing for work these days”? Is this not a waste of time? Think of all the other things one could be doing besides having inconsequential conversations?

  1. You don’t want to revisit people from the past that you had no real relationship with in this first place

  This has to be the main reason not to go to a class reunion. You barely knew most people in high school, yet you’re going to go to a class reunion and pretend like you had some relationship with them? You’re going to go talk to someone who’s basically a total stranger to you? Why would you do this? Would it be because you have something to show off to someone that you thought had some type of impression of you in high school? We at Old-Wizard are great friends. We like talking to each other because we share the same interests. If I had shared the same interests with certain people from high school then I would probably still be friends with them and would talk to them on my own time, rather than some set up event. The motivations then for wanting to see people from the past that I had no real relationship with are obviously disingenuous.

23 Comments

1. #1 Jim says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:38 pm

   small talk with people from high school:
   #1 “oh hey!”

   #2 “hey, long time no see.”

   #1 “well, good seeing you!”

   #2 “drop dead”
2. #2 Rutvergas says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:15 pm

   Great article. I have never been one to one in my life. Basically for these reasons
3. #3 Linklock says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:05 pm

   Yeah, you can’t go to a class reunion without your wife. Competition central though. Waste of time
4. #4 Hank says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:35 pm

   LOL. This was a great read. You just made a new fan.
5. #5 Christian says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:27 pm

   This covers most of the reasons I will not be attending any of my high school reunions. On the night of the dreaded event, I will be much happier wandering around the toys section of Target stoned out of my mind, kicking around a rubber ball like a Ganjafied Pele
6. #6 Mighty the armadillo says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:58 am

   11. Your friends liked the Sega Genesis haha that means you became the bigest looser in school and now thats why you never want to go cause they will make fun of you and your snes lol by the way i’m also a sega fan so hahaha lol.
7. #7 robert says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 10:00 am

   In High School, my friends all liked xbox to PS2. But in Elem. School it was between the Sega and SNES up until Playstation and N64 came out.

   The only reason I didn’t like was the “music” one. The comparison between Target and the Reunion was good, though.
8. #8 Jasmine says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 10:11 am

   Ahaha, this was excellent!
   It sounds also very close to my family events – so I fake it and bring an attractive male to go with me, works every time
9. #9 Osama says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:13 pm

   Great read # 8 made me lol! It doesn’t apply to me and that is probably the only reason I MIGHT go to a reunion Well we can’t be all as lucky as I am!
10. #10 Phil says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Do you guys have to make fun of Sega in EVERY list?
11. #11 Dan says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    I know you guys have said this a lot, but is it really true?? Are there really people that think that sega was better than the snes?? haha
12. #12 Doug says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    That is AWESOME and very true, may need a bit of tweaking for the aussies but pretty much spot on!

    Also you never need to go to one anyways because everyone has added you to facebook already. haha
13. #13 Erika says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    I would have totally agreed with you 10 years ago. I was on the first bullet train out of town after high school, but by the 20-year reunion (just a few weeks ago), I was kinda curious. It helps that I have a cute husband and a decent car, and that geeks generally age more gracefully than jocks. Funny post, though!
14. #14 francis says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    great ‘ruff!
15. #15 Rob says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:03 am

    All of the above are reasons I will be avoiding my ten year high school reunion in November.
16. #16 Alexx says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:28 am

    AMEN to No.1!!!!!! Great read Great site. We’ll be here often.
17. #17 ubldakj says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    So by your friends liked Sega you mean you were the weird little smelly kid in the corner who cried himself to sleep every night after begging his mom to trade in his SNES for a Genesis so he could have fun like the other kids? You were the kind of kid that pooed on the floor in gym class and then blamed it on the retarted kid, and you were the kind of kid that everyone knew had a SNES, so stayed away from him like the plague in case you invited them over to be bored as hell with you. That’s why you don’t go to these reunions, since the momories would be too painful, and everyone would remember you as that kid who shit on the floor.
18. #18 Matt says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    I missed my 10 year reunion to go see Dark Star Orchestra in NYC. I made right right choice.
19. #19 James says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:32 am

    Ha ha,the same old bullcrap.Go to the reunion and crash the jocks who are talking.Just butt in and refuse to even leave.My boss went to his 20th and he said it was the same crap.Jocks with the Jocks,band members with the band members.Go there and just crash.Take a fart machine and just break those taboos.Have fun and just stir things up like some crazy You Tube bloggers do. Just Do it.
20. #20 Mr. Universe says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    LOL. Great list.
21. #21 andrew says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Great list number 1 is perfect.
22. #22 michelle says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    So, has anyone ever gone to the reunion without the spouse because of # 8 or some other reason?
23. #23 Journeythroughhell says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    “11. Your friends liked the Sega Genesis” and therefore you don’t want to meet them anymore? Sad.