• Top 10 Worst Types of Music Fans

  

  Written by Zeromage 49 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 25, 2009

  The music fan has the most deleterious effect on the music they want to represent.  They can bring good music down to the worst music in the blink of an eye.  It’s hard to be open to style of music when you go to a show for the first time and have to endure these buffoons who take the culture behind the music and give it an excess it’s not in need of.  Sometimes it’s just the fans fault, but most of the time it’s the music genre that spawns these identity thieves.  The fans of these next genres are noticeable, leading to the sense that the genres are idealized over the substance.  It’s with a hint of nausea that one will pursue these shows enduring the crowd while trying to actually listen to the music, unless of course you want to be part of the crowd, the crowd that defines the band, rather than the other way around.

  10. Blues fans

  Let it go seriously. Who goes to these blues festivals? Who the fuck could have the blues anymore? The blues over what? The fact that you’ve lost your enviable retirement supplement? The fact that the world is currently in a state of “disharmony”. Do people just like the style? How do people still want to go to the bar to here random generic blues? It’s the same thing over and over again. How can anyone be satisfied with this? Just listen to a Robert Johnson box set and get over it. The blues were born in a context that has long since past. You can’t relive the blues that someone like Robert Johnson felt and you will never hear it again, so why are you going back to it? The comfort in the past never visited; the identities first attempt at self-idealization.

  9. Jimmy Buffet Fans (Parrotheads)

  It’s actually difficult to criticize “Parrotheads” because they’re so unselfconscious of their own actions that they’re sincere.  Regardless these people are annoying to be around.  You find them in hotels following around Jimmy Buffet, drunk 24/7 singing the same 2 or 3 popular Jimmy Buffet songs that I don’t care to go into now out of the unwanted grimace of recognizing those songs.  These fans are well beyond their middle age and are trying to live young again.  People say age is a state of mind…not when your face looks like leather and you spray paint your beard white.  You’re very much your age.  An age that is very much old that is giving it’s last shot at being young.  Hopelessly romantic, or just hopeless?  Either way, there’s an alternative graceful-aging that should be the hope of those young.

  8. Heavy Metal fans

  Heavy metal fans are a lot like video game nerds.  Where some people drown their sorrows in their parent’s basement by playing video games, some go out to heavy metal shows, dressed in the stereotypical all black, and mosh or headbang. When you think about moshing, its just a bunch of guys rubbing on each other, which, if you think about it, is kind of gay. Just like the hardcore gamer there are very few girls at these events, as most girls don’t like heavy metal. This further frustrates the heavy metal fan and leads to further violence amongst them. The heavy metal fan also likes to claim that they are railing against the life of the common man, the average, or the normal people. They do this by dressing exactly the same, wearing the same color, growing their hair long, and doing whatever they can to become indistinguishable from the next fan. This little contradiction never cross the heavy metal fan’s mind. Sadly, we here at OW love a number of heavy metal bands and have been to a number of heavy metal shows. Oddly enough we dressed in our typical jeans and a t-shirt where the most unique people at the show. One time I had to go straight from work which had me where a white polo. For those who don’t know white is the only color that can physically harm the heavy metal fan. Anyway I got a lot of bad looks at that show.

  7. Ska Fans

  You don’t find ska fans many places and this is a good thing, because if you did the world would be a massively annoying place.  Instead you find them in the confines of small clubs with mobster top hats on and suspenders mimicking the style of The Specials.  They dance like assholes.  They don’t know how to dance.  The music is goofy and so are they.  Where does the instinct come from to enjoy this music?  Where was the instinct to transfer the horn sound into pop music?  Out of all the orchestral instruments that made the transition to pop music, the horn played in staccato has to be the most annoying.  I claim no understanding in the instincts of where people start liking this music.  I just know I don’t like being around it nor it’s fans.

  6. Rap fans

  Yes, you’re tough.  You look like you’ve come from “the streets” even though your street is blooming with evanescent willows.  Yes, your pants are falling off your legs.  Yes, you have a scar on your face that you probably gave to yourself because you saw that Eminem gave one to himself.  Yes, your car speakers has no frequency higher that can be heard higher than 25 HZ.  Yes, your car sounds like it’s about to explode.  Yes, you wear your hat backwards late at night in attempts to court trampy women.  Yes, all these signs point to the fact to that you’re tough.  Yes, you need all these signs to point to the fact that you’re tough.

  5. Dave Matthews fans

  Have you ever been to a Frat party? How do you feel about Birkenstocks? Backwards hats with curved brims? Greek letters? Chugging terrible beer? Keg stands? If the answer to each of these questions is resoundingly positive, then you may be  fan of the Dave Matthews Band. What is more interesting is that DMB is actually a talented band, with a  world renowned drummer, bassist, and saxophone player. Oh they also have this gigantic dude that plays violin. I don’t know if he is any good, and I don’t want to be the guy who tells him otherwise. In any case we here at OW generally like this band but boy do we hate the fans. They are either insanely obsessed or drunks looking for a party. Or sometimes both. We have even heard of DMB fans who will only listen to DMB because they claim nothing else is even worth it. Further research has even shown that there is an on going feud between DMB fans and Blink 182 fans. Why is completely beyond us. Going to a DMB show is like watching every jock, frat boy, and sorority slut get so hammered they forget they were even at the show. But don’t worry they have pictures on facebook to prove they were there.

  4. Punk fans

  Punk fans don’t like music.  At least they don’t like anything substantial in music. They are more interested in the style of the music, meaning how the band appears aesthetically on stage and the quantity of pierced rings are on the band members faces.  When punk isn’t so obviously expressive in it’s aesthetic repugnancy, it relies on a supposed understanding of anything political.  In comes The Clash, one of the most Overrated Bands of all time.  Instead of wearing your heart of your sleeve physically, you wear your heart on your brain disingenuously.  You read the most superficial account of the Sandinista revolution and somehow equate it as a total repudiation of American foreign Policy.  Anything that can decenter you to others is what’s more important for you.  This argument is tired.  It has to go without saying at this point.

  3. Emo fans

  Drooping razor edged hair, an operable-to-all sulk, a little eye liner below the eye, the Emo fan wants you to know about them.  Nobody else wants to know about them and never did, so that’s when they turn towards the appearance, the appearance that wants attention, needs attention, and seeks it in the hidden corners of the most marginalized places of modern suburbia.  One day maybe someone will come around and truly understand your plight of always being misunderstood, or rather, never trying to be understood because you weren’t important enough.  Either way, sympathy for the sake of sympathy may come along with another is bored, and together you can feel sorry for yourselves feeling sorry for yourselves.  Objectless, without any idea, the height of egoism is Emo’s inner soft shell.

  2. Phish fans

  What’s the difference between a  DMB fan and a Phish fan? Drug use. Your average DMB fan drinks a lot of beer, smokes some weed, and depending on how rich and white they are, do a little coke. Your average Phish fan is on everything from LSD to Heroin almost all the time. Where the DMB fan wears clean pressed button up shirts, the Phish fan might change cloths once or twice a year and generally walks around smelling like patchouli oil. Which, by the way, barely covers up the constant weed smell, since they smoke pot like cigarettes. Much like the DMB fan they are obsessed with all things Phish. I have even heard stories about fans doing Heroin because lead singer Trey Anastasio was doing it. The difference being they were dirt poor, couldn’t afford it, and generally don’t have jobs. Much like the DMB fan, we here at OW enjoy most of Phish’s albums but, once again, there fans are terrible people who try to pretend it’s still the seventies. If it wasn’t for this band the tie dye industry would have disappeared years ago. Yet despite OW’s best efforts people still buy these terrible t-shirts.

  1. Indie Fans

  Indie fans are the worst fans of any genre in the history of music.  They wear the tightest jeans imaginable to the point of buying woman’s jeans if it’s possible.  They walk like storks with their elbows always turned behind their hips.  They wear tight ass T-shirts with some logo on it representing something either socially perfunctory (that they think is significant) or something in the guise of an absurdity in the attempts at making another laugh.  The craving of attention inside the Indie Fan is much like the emo fan except with the ostensible hope that their attention-seeking is methodologically more sophisticated.  This is more gross than the Emo fan when the mask of ball hugger sized jeans is unmasked and the secret loser is revealed.  Only someone of this disposition could listen to such abominable  music that loves to think it‘s quality in it‘s unchecked “creativity“.

49 Comments

1. #1 Zeromage says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:33 am

   I’d like to preface this comment section by saying that this will be OW’s last music article for quite some time. We’re gonna be moving onto some other topics in the next few lists. Hope you all enjoy.
2. #2 Delta says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:42 am

   I wonder how the people who want to hang you for music articles are going to react…..
3. #3 Bye, Oasis. says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:36 am

   You´ve just forgotten the Oasis Fans!!! The ones who thinks all Oasis Album after “Morning Glory” is a great album!!!!!!!
4. #4 Erik Ingvoldsen says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:11 am

   Your forgetting that OW doesnt love Oasis nearly as much as they seem.
5. #5 BERSERKR says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:51 am

   Uummm, this isn’t a new article, its old you have done it before:P and i commented before, that you are stereo typing, and most Metal fans are the greatest bunch of people i know, Metal fans are the best fans its a community.

   I go to Metal shows among others all the time, and there are TONS of girls, HOT girls at metal shows these days, even blond blue eyed un tattooed barbie types, i don’t know where you go to metal shows, maybe you should see some in Vancouver BC, Also Metal shows rarely get violent and if you fall usually there are a ton of people to pick you back up.
6. #6 Delta says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:39 am

   Actually BERSERKR, I don’t think the article it’s self is old. Several of them though were already used in Top 10 Worst Fanboys, the Metal, Dave Mathews Band and Phish fans were all on that article. And I think it’s the exact same text, but I don’t recall the others.

   Though I did too think it was a re-posted list at first.
7. #7 President Steve says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:10 pm

   I think Delta is right. I read every article on this site, and I never saw most of this list before. The part about Ska fans cracked me up. So, Zeromage, what topic are you guys moving onto next?
8. #8 George says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:07 pm

   I saw most of this before, but, and you have no idea how much it hurts to say this, this shit is true. Nobody above the poverty line could play like Robert Johnson plays, punk fans are asshats about punk, and if I see another indie fan or emo fan, I’m going to go on a killing spree.

   This doesn’t make up for your mostly shitty taste in music, but it’s good to know we can be on the same page again, Zeromage. Depending on where this goes, I won’t be the mean son of a bitch I was when you wrote music articles.
9. #9 JoeMoe says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:55 pm

   You guys might as well take this website down and just add this to a facebook profile. I really hope you aren’t paying money for any of this. ……and now I will now predict your next article in 3 weeks
   Top 10 Best Types of Music Fans
10. #10 avi says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    YAY! ZEROMAGE IS FINALLY DONE WITH MUSIC ARTICLES! (well for the time being.)
11. #11 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    Yeah, I doubt he’ll never do another music article ever. I wonder though if this includes no more articles that include music in it in some way, like the Top 10 Worst Fanboys.
12. #12 Alberto says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    I’m a fan of all of this.

    This was quite entertaining
13. #13 Kurono says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:55 am

    The fucking Nirvana (a.k.a Grunch) most be the top of the list
14. #14 Brad says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    I think Zeromage is a keen observer. I’ve been against dress codes, snotty attitudes and niche thinking ever since high school. It all gets in the way of the music and the fun it’s presumably for…
15. #15 Sarah K says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:18 am

    Hey Zeromage,

    I appreciate that you are an equally opportunity critic, especially when it comes to music that would reflect your own taste. Incidentally, the diatribe on Indie, reflective of my own taste, made me snort most. Pretty accurate, except you missed the part about kids in black-rimmed glasses walking around sipping organic coffee with a sense of entitlement. But.. you’re not big fans of Oasis? Come on, you TOTALLY cried when Liam and Noel FINALLY got sick of each other!

    Say hi, sometime?

    - Sarah
16. #16 Paul William Bowling says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:32 am

    You forgot Juggaloes.

    While I like most of the music that Psychopathic records release, hardcore fans (juggaloes) are some of the most annoying people you will ever meet. Not all of them. I know some that are cool as hell. Most of them though worship the ground the Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope walk on.

    Slipknots hardcore fanbase (Maggots) are pretty much the same to.
17. #17 Sarah K says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Juggaloes.. do they still exist?
18. #18 bubba666 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    so what music and type of fan should i be OW? b/c i have not been doing much right according to the above article. ::hangs head in shame and masturbates::
19. #19 Hoodro says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    Hmmm…So what kind of music fan is the writer? This article is an epic fail…
20. #20 Alan says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    I hate progressive rock fans the most. Fucking idiots.
21. #21 Andreas says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:39 am

    I would probably put the illegal downloading music “fans” at number one spot.
22. #22 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:16 am

    Some people can’t afford to buy everything they listen too, so downloading illegally is the only option they have, should they just suffer and not get to listen to the music they like?:P
23. #23 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:17 am

    Hey why is my comment being moderated, I’m a local:P
24. #24 Big Al says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    I love this site.
25. #25 Zeromage says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    @Berserkr:

    I think you changed your email address.
26. #26 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    Ahh yes, under the log in thing i have.
27. #27 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:28 am

    bam
28. #28 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:41 am

    Ya’s gots it workin’ BERSERKR.
29. #29 cody flooyd says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:07 am

    fuck yeah no more music articles!
30. #30 Samo says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    What about people who are “Hardcore Metal” or “Death Metal” fans? They are the definition of people not liking good music.
31. #31 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Samo…..

    The article isn’t about terrible music. It’s about the worst types of fans. They’re not saying the genres themselves are bad, just their fans.

    There are types of music they’re saying are bad, but those are coincidental to the fans being terrible. There’s at least two types of music that they mention they like, but hate the fans.
32. #32 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Samo a comment like that shows how little you know about music.
33. #33 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    I listen to music of ALL types because i realize there is good music in all Genres, including Metal.
34. #34 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Hey BERSRKR, you still using the email address I have? Since I heard you changed your address for here.
35. #35 BERSERKR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:48 am

    Ya i still use that one too.
36. #36 Ian says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:03 am

    Have to agree with you there berserkr on what samo said, I dont particularily like metal but i will admit that there are those in the genre that make great music, some that i would listen to quite a bit. Im suprised techno fans didnt get a bashing but then again if anybody has been to a proper rave they’re going to know that its full of just about the nicest people you’re gonna meet anywhere.
37. #37 Inthenameofallah says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:22 am

    Halle-fuckenlluea that this is the last music list
    and anyways why cant you do like a list other then music like books,cartoon,sites,ect.

    It doesnt make any sence
38. #38 Gyb says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Eh, you should have ranked Punk fans on #2.
39. #39 andyb says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    I agree with everything except the heavy metal fan stereotype
40. #40 Michaela(Paul's wife) says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:38 am

    you’re just fuckin’ weird.
    it may be funny, but, find another fucking hobby other than bashing other people that didn’t do a damn thing to you..
41. #41 avi says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    hey Michalea, what did ZM ever do to you? haha… i love criticizing people using their logic.
42. #42 Delta says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    Yes Avi, I would have to agree that Michalea is doing the same thing she’s accused Zeromage of doing. Avi must have taken the right dosage of his meds.
43. #43 cannot kill the protester says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    i am really upset by your generalisation of punk its rather what would i say childish along with your other mindless rants mainly the ska, and heavy metal ones they are wrong beyond belief.

    The clash are not as overrated as some might say i seriously suggest looking at the Sex Pistols buddy.

    Might i add nobody really dresses like that in most punk scenes now its mainly t-shirt and jeans and much more like your hardcore punk scene so i say your comment on fashion is rather narrowminded and pretty much far from the actual truth.

    Also many Punk bands are actually expressive in their lyrics look at Anti-Flag for example it deals with the political situations we as the world are faced with and also their album blood and empire even though released on a major label made people think about situations like the current war in iraq.

    Anyway i dont see how i could get through to someone so narrowminded such as yourself maybe researching more about these scenes would be a nice start especially Punk, punks probably have more a sense of community than any other “type” of music fan.

    And how can political arguements become stale and boring after time if one’s goalposts constantly change with situations?
44. #44 Paul says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    @cannot kill the protester:

    Wow, you’re pathetic.

    “Also many Punk bands are actually expressive in their lyrics look at Anti-Flag for example it deals with the political situations we as the world are faced with and also their album blood and empire even though released on a major label made people think about situations like the current war in iraq.”

    How shallow can you be? It took a song for you to start thinking about Iraq? LOL. Grow some balls and read a book by a real political scientist, rather than get force fed left wing propaganda by some nose-pierced “musician”.

    (btw, I put quotes around musician because punk can hardly be called music).
45. #45 dave says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:19 am

    This site sucks.
46. #46 Stupid Douchebag says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    THIS is why I am a fan of nothing.
47. #47 Ninja Claw says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:27 am

    I like a lot of indie music but you guys are right about fans who are so ‘tragically hip’ and awesome that they can’t help but constantly half smirk in the direction of everyone else that they are so obviously better than..or maybe that ironic little grin is just a side effect of the tight ball hugger jeans cutting off circulation to the brain causing semi facial paralysis in the form of an annoying expressions that make you want to smack their little bastard faces off. but in all fairness, they try very hard to look like they’re not trying hard. and how original.
48. #48 popsugar says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    interasting article personally i like all types of music and i don’t care what is called pop,roc,rap,country as long its good