• Top 10 Ways to Tell if You’re a Poser Nerd

  

  Written by Zeromage 34 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 23, 2008

  Being a nerd these days is as fashionable as mimicking Audrey Hepburn-esque poses when one knows they’re being photographed. Everyone wants to be nerd. Its socially sexy, and everywhere we hear people saying “well at heart, I’m just a nerd”. What these people don’t know though, is that there are a group of real nerds who grew up drinking Mountain Dew and collecting Star Wars action figures. Their bedrooms were filled with He-Man posters and X-Wings attached to their ceilings. Those who say they’re really “nerds at heart” never endured an entire night of Dungeon and Dragons or planned an entire day out to beat Mega Man 1-8. In this list, we’ll go through the most conspicuous signs of a poser nerd. This list is meant to champion those who actually had an interest in what’s now marginalized.

  10. You dress Goth in order to be different, but then hang out with people who look and act exactly like you.

  Being a nerd is not about the way you dress. Poser nerds can often be seen coming out of bathrooms after checking their hair and seeing if their chains are coming down long enough from their pockets. The Goth crowd is notorious for trying to act the part of the outcasts, but then they surround themselves by other “outcasts”. In reality, this crowd is a club for “losers” who secretly want to fit in somewhere. The true nerd doesn’t give a fuck where he fits in. He could care less about hanging out with anyone other than his 2 or 3 other gamer friends that he plays Warhammer with. Beware of these dressers who think that being a nerd is the same as acting an outcast role.

  9. You heard Bukowski’s name dropped in a Modest Mouse song and now you say that he’s one of your favorite authors.

  Poser nerds like to associate themselves with certain popular but not widely accepted authors. Bukowski is the big author that makes someone feel like they are part of a nerd crowd. They walk around cafés thinking they have come across the greatest insights in the world from reading one or two lines from an introduction to a Bukowski book. They put themselves on an intellectual high horse larger than any pretensions of the real nerd, who just wants to be to himself creating his own outer space reality. The key to this entry is that a poser nerd will go out of their way to say who their favorite authors are. Nowhere is this seen better than from these Bukowski “fans”.

  8. You’ve only played NES games on an emulator.

  The real nerd had to endure endless hours blowing on dusty Nintendo cartridges in order to play their favorite games. They would sometimes cut their teeth trying to get the cartridge working, and some would even develop chronic asthma from spending so much time blowing on the cartridges. Those who only started playing old school games on emulators can’t know what it means to have the patience to get a game working by cleaning out every bit of dust from the bottom of the cartridge. They can never know what the real nerd had to go through in order to play their favorite games.

  7. You say the only TV you watch is the History Channel and Discovery Channel.

  One of the most pretentious moves of the poser nerd is to say they don’t like TV, or that if they do watch TV, they only watch the History Channel and the Discovery Channel. This is a farce. Creep up on them in the later hours of the day and they will be caught watching banal faux-dramas like Everybody Loves Raymond and that other family sitcom with the fat dude with the hot wife. The reason they do this is to make themselves look smarter and and nerdier than they actually are by these fake attempts at making themselves seem more sophisticated. Look at any poser nerd’s myspace profile and you would start to wonder how TV shows get any ratings at all. Most will say something like “I hate TV” or “Turn off your TV and go read a book” under their TV favorites. If they only watched the History Channel though, they would see that the channel dedicates itself almost exclusively to WW2, and their want for wanting to be historically correct would be crushed under the popularity for only broadcasting documentaries on modern wars.

  6. You Read a Brief History of Time and now you think you know everything there is to know about advanced physics.

  A poser nerd will quote the title of A Brief History of Time only (not any quotes from the book) when trying to prove their worth to the nerdy crowd. What they fail to understand though, is the fact that the real nerds purposely took advanced math and physics classes in high school and college because they actually wanted to understand science beyond reading one man’s book (regardless of how poignant it was). Physics is not contained with in a Brief History of Time. Certainly, one can learn a lot from this book, but if one were really interested in physics, their interests would branch out to more diverse field like Quantum Mechanics. A Brief History of Time though, makes someone feel as if they actually know something of the subject, even though they only know the title of the book. You will never catch a true nerd name dropping or title dropping.

  5. You shop at Hot Topic and wear t-shirts with “clever” sayings on them.

  This one especially angers us here at Old-Wizard. How many times during a day can you see some joker walking around with a 1-up T-shirt on, or a shirt subtly referring to some sexual innuendo? This is nothing other than trying to gain the attention of others, which was always the last intention of the true nerd, who wants to simply blend in out of a want for not wanting to be bothered, and subsequently left to his own massive universe. Anyone who loves anything will never go out of their way to make a spectacle of of that which they love. It’s with this in mind that the reader should question aspects of modern culture like large weddings for example. But the poser nerds first line of offense in trying to prove his nerdom is making a spectacle out of himself by wearing some retro video game shirt.

  4.You like the new Star Wars movies, but tell everyone that you hate them.
  

  This argument is a lot more subtle than the last ones. It’s actually somewhat fashionable for the poser nerd to say that they dislike the new Star Wars movies, but they secretly watch them because they have bad taste in movies in general. Go into their movie collection and this series that they supposedly dislike will be in there with scratches on the back of the dvd to no end. At least admit to liking a bad set of movies. The poser nerd though, likes all the graphical and technological aesthetics of the new Star Wars movies and fails to understand what the great Star Wars films were about, character and imagination.

  3. You use l337 speak.
  
  L337 speak was invented by people who don’t know how to spell, and is used mainly by people who want to look cool. Although occasionally I’ll find myself saying “I’m going to go pwn some n00bs on Halo multiplayer”, immediately afterwards I feel like a jackass. People who use l337 speak will type “X” instead of “cks”, and do so at a regular basis. Are you really in that much of a hurry, that you can’t take half a second, and press two more keys? Do you type that slow? What’s even more annoying, is when someone will replace “ck” with an “x”. Not only does this show that the person can’t spell, it also shows that they have bad grammar as well. Does the phrase “I didn’t kicks the ball” make grammatical sense? No. The same types of people can often be found making Chuck Norris references or using the word “fail” in a forum thread. Unlike the poser nerd, the real nerd will show at least one sentence of substance rather than wasting everyone’s time with un-thought-out junk like this.

  2. You like calling yourself a nerd because you thought Napoleon Dynamite was funny.

  Poser nerds always like to tell other poser nerds that they found their “inner nerd” by watching Napoleon Dynamite (a MTV production by the way). What fans of this movie fail to realize though, was that Napoleon Dynamite was not a nerd, he was just a moron. Nerds are intelligent and sit in their room and play video games. They don’t slavishly run after women, and they don’t have any real interest and high school politics. As said before in this article, their own universe is much too large for menial high school issues to matter. This movie created a subculture of pseudo nerds who liked to wear “Vote for Pedro” shirts. You can be sure than anyone wearing these shirts lack a large amount of substance.

  1. You never read lord of the rings but became huge fan after the movies came out.

  Want to know who the quintessential poser nerds are? People who say they love Lord of The Rings but have never read the books. It’s always “Tolkien this”, and “Tolkien that” for these “fans”, but yet they never read 1 work from any of the books, or if they did, they only did so after the movies came out. Yes, the movies were great, but the heart of The Lord of the Rings came from the original novels that went into unique details only reserved for the genius of Tolkien. The real nerd learned everything there is to know about Middle Earth from reading the books over and over since they were in middle school, and from playing Dungeons and Dragons with their other nerd friends. Tolkien is simply not the modern movie versions of these great books. Anyone who tells you they are huge “Lord of the Rings fans” but don’t have any of the original books are the biggest poser nerds out there.

34 Comments

1. #1 Mike says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:21 pm

   10. I used to dress goth. Then, I turned 15 & realized how gay I was being. Not one of my finer moments I admit.

   9. I know of Charles Bukowski, but I openly say I never read anything he did.

   8. I actually have every old system, including an Atari 2600. I even have a copy of E.T.

   7. I watch a lot of T.V. Discovery & History channel included, but not exclusive.

   6. I do read physics book. I’ve never read “A Brief History of Time.” I don’t claim to be an expert in physics. There’s a lot of stuff I’m dumb about, but it is a subject I’m interested in.

   5. Does it count if I only buy band T-Shirts? I hate shirts with funny sayings, though. Because they’re not funny.

   4. I actually do hate the new Star Wars.

   3.Don’t use leet.

   2. I hated Napoleon Dynamite.

   1. I have read & seen LOTR. Hate them both… I like the Hobbit, though.
2. #2 Andreas says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:26 pm

   I thought the number 1 on this list would be “They don’t visit old-wizard.com”.
3. #3 LinLock says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:56 pm

   Ha. What a list. I dont know if I’m a true nerd anymore. shit
4. #4 Jasmine says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:21 am

   I’m so conflicted right now..

   -I wear corsets, however I don’t consider myself Goth.
   -I know of Charles Bukowski, but I’ve never read any of his works.
   -I started on an Atari, and stick with the SNES [as well as Emulators for when I'm lazy]
   -I watch a lot of History related things, but that’s cos I have a fascination in WW2. But I also watch a lot of other junk, too.
   -Physics is not my thing, chemistry and pharmaco yes.
   -I own one or two gaming shirts, simply because I think they’re cute.
   -I use 1337 when I’m mocking or being a toss.
   -Napoloean Dynamite is a last resort for when I’ve gone through everything else.
   -I have yet to see LOTR, and I don’t plan on it any time soon.
5. #5 TheMountain says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:24 am

   Hell yeah. I cant stand all those bastards who quote Napolean Dynamite everywhere they go. Shit was just not that funny.
6. #6 old-wizard.com says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:32 am

   Jasmine…We definitely don’t consider anyone on the Donkey Gamer staff to be a poser nerd!
7. #7 old-wizard.com says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:35 am

   Also, you visit Old-Wizard.com. That automatically gives you a pass.
8. #8 Rob says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:54 am

   I was always more into Star Trek novels, so I never got around to reading LOTR (I enjoyed the movies however). I still consider myself a true nerd though. Sorry.
9. #9 Chase357 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:09 am

   It’s funny that Old Wizard is calling people out who use 1337 speak as people who can’t spell or make grammatical sense. I find errors in spelling and grammar on this site ALL THE TIME!

   Oh, by the way, t-shirts with lame ass sayings on them do suck. However, there is nothing wrong with retro game shirts AS LONG AS you played the original game. I couldn’t be anymore retro and I love collecting the shirts.
10. #10 George says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:49 am

    I was too young for the 8 and 16 bit era, but my first games were still on cartrigies, and I’ve owned 8 videogame systems and plan to get a 360 when I find the dough, (N64, PS2, Wii, GCN, DS, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advanced SP, DS, PSP). After Fellowhip of the Ring came out, I started reading the books, and finished before Return of the King, and I was only 11 when I finished. Certian aspects of the prequels were O.K.(why the fuck don’t you see that Clones was the worst), and although the first three weren’t exactly known for their acting (were Ford and Fisher stoned for the entirety of Jedi?), in comparison, Christiansin and Portman make Ford and Fisher look like fucking Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep. At least I admit I own them watch them (oh no, I have no taste, fucking sue me). You guys hit it spot on. Napoleon Dynamite is one the worst movies ever, and I’ve seen Epic Movie.
11. #11 Chris says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:50 am

    I’m safe in my nerdom. I work out, have a job, listen to heave metal have gotten laid, and have a social life yet get me started on the differences between Klingon and Romulan disruptors and it get’s serious.

    Also I consider my self a WW2, and modern war amateur since I am a history major looking to teach.I never talk to anyone who enjoys Napoleon Dynoshit. I have read all the LOTR books including Simirilian and Hobbit. The Hobbit Ive read like 6 times back in 8th grade. I can’t wait for the Star Trek MMO coming out. Ive played and quoted FF8 many times, but will never be caught dead pkaying X2

    This is one of the few list that have nothing to do with games that I totally agree on.
12. #12 enertron says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:04 am

    hahahah i was playing FFIII (6) last nite!! pwn3d
13. #13 SlapStic.com says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 5:04 am

    My God, I seriously don’t think that it would be possible for me to agree more with number 10. Goths and emos really tick me off. They make me want to smack a baby.
14. #14 darthdillon says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    Ha…. x wing fighters hanging from the ceiling!!!!!!!!!!! i still got those and i’m 28.
15. #15 Osama says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Haha, once again a great list!
16. #16 jimmykiss says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Why not fix your nes so you dont have to blow. All you need is a screwdriver.
17. #17 Zuke says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    What does it mean that I read all LoTR books after I saw the first one? I saw it, realized there must be a lot more to the story, and read the series so I’d be better prepared when the next movies came out.

    Also, I read “Brief History of Time” when I was seven. No, I didn’t understand it all and I’ll never claim I did. Just reading it doesn’t mean anything; reading it and comparing it with your notes from your Star Trek TNG Technical Manual means something!
18. #18 AHR says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:11 am

    Whaat? Yall are some haters! Being a nerd’s not about cred and when you read what or what platform you played a game on! It’s about how much you love what you’re into! Sincere fandom is the essence of geekdom/nerdery, and if a noob’s got that passion in their chest for something they’ve just discovered, more power to em.

    Also, some of my best friends in high school were goths. Nerds and goths have a lot in common, after all; sensitivity, a love of the unconventional, and brains, generally speaking. When one group of outcasts starts hating on another, we might as well be the popular crowd.
19. #19 Zuke says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Really? Cause most the goths I knew were idiots.

    While being a geek/nerd doesn’t require “cred”, it certainly does help differentiate yourself from just being labeled “loser”.
20. #20 gametestergirl says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:19 am

    #1 is sooo true.. SOOO true
21. #21 Nerdrage says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:29 am

    Unfortuneatly, I wasn’t really old enough to read the the LotR before The Fellowship came out. I had finished the Hobbit at that time and I had loved it like a brother, reading it in every class and able to qoute some of the more important lines. I guess what Im trying to get at here is that its not fair to say that those who hadn’t been around the perverbial nerd block enough to have had a chance at the trilogy, aren’t and can’t be considered nerds. After seeing the first movie, It finally dawned on me that I should read the rest of his work and promptly did so.
    I, once again never really had a chance at the cartrage experience. I live in a home where vidya games are pretty much taboo, and the only experience I had was through the chance rebelion of my elder brother who baught a genesis and, for a meager amount of time, purposefuly left his door unlocked as to expose me to its greatness. My mother quicky caught wind of this and attacked the problem like a wild animal, forcing him to pawn it off for 15 bucks at a pawn shop. I was maybe 5 when this happened, and I haven’t had a chance at a true genesis until recently I found one at a garage sale (I obviously baught it, for old times sake). Emulaters were a way for me to gain access to these titles without having to search the globe after I outdid my mother’s sphere of influence and battled and faught for the right to be a part of what I had been robbed of so early. Its not fair to set standard in a timeframe instead of in a level of genuine passion.
    I DON’T watch TV. Mostly becuase what’s on just doesn’t appeal to me, Discovery or otherwise. When I turn on the Tele, I feel like I’m missing out on something larger. I don’t feel like I’m getting all I can from programs that are edited to fit a 22 minute timeframe.
    I’ve never heard of this mysterious auther, nor have I read A Brief History of Time. Nor do I plan to, because being a nerd isn’t about qualifications good sir.
    I buy nothing at hot topic, but I do wear novelty shirts depicting my favorite cult classic movies and whatnot. I do this in order to ‘fish’ for those that have the same interests. The only thing as satifying as beating a old classic game or reading a classic novel is being able to discuss it with people who share your level of intelect.
    I loved Episode 1, as it was the first Star Wars I was able to experience the advent of, but I do beleive it went downhill from there. I think the actor for Annakin was whiney and irritating and the characters were bland and boring. I loved the original trilogy though becuase the force was treated as the mystical power that it was, not some superpower that you, your friend, and everyone in a specific dicipline bent to his or her will. Just becuase I have a paticular view, doesn’t mean I’m ingenuine.
    Many of your arguements are based in the idea that the new breed are unworthy, which I find appauling.
22. #22 Kevin says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Wow, that whole poser nerd thing is really rough.
    I mean, people would go to such lengths?

    Let’s scroll my list.

    1. Fuck no. I enjoy tight jeans, but nailpolish is gay.

    2. I’m not a Modest Mouse fan. Not my thing. I’m more metal.

    3. I’m a bit young, I never played a NES console, but I did have a SNES. The whole no saving thing sorta sucked.
23. #23 Anti-wizard says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:16 am

    I disagree with 1,3 and 5
    And I’m probably more nerdier than all of you combined
24. #24 Eddy spaggheti westwrn says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 7:16 am

    Holy shit, this is the most true list i’ve ever read in my life.

    10. i dress different from just about evertone and talk to who i want. except for goth people

    9.Never heard of that guy before

    8.While emulators are kind of a neccessity these days, i can still rememver blowing into Shadowgate for half an hour, well worth it btw

    7.while i do watch those channels they aren’t the end all

    6.I know nothing about science/math

    5.Hot topic sucks, but thats the only place i can find Floyd and super hero clothes, damn neccessary evil

    4.New star wars is absolutely garbage

    3.1337 speak is stupid

    2.Naplolean Dynamite sucked

    1.liked the books and thec movies but i’m no fanboy
25. #25 Cheeseknight28 says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:03 am

    Crap! I eluded getting trapped on 10-2, but by technically #1 gets me. I really liked the movies, but the LotR books disgust me with all the superfluous writing. Or maybe it’s because I know the outcome? It doesn’t matter.

    However, I have read the Hobbit AND the Silmarillion, and I read Hobbit prior to watching the movies. Does that redeem me?
26. #26 Science graduate says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    This is the worst list ever. Since when being a goth, playing videogames, or knowing of tolkien before the movies makes you a nerd.
    I have always disliked stereotypes and clasifications and i dont fit into any. I try not to, people always try to define you in a group. If there is a stereotype im close to is that I am a nerd, a real one who went to math competitions, read tons of books, learned calculus by himself, went to a highly aclaimed univestity and graduated with a physics degree.
    At my house we never had the money to be any kind of poser, play videogames or hang out at borders yet i have always been a nerd.
    The substance of a nerd is not in how he looks, what he likes or dislikes is much more profound like what he or she studies, how much effort and time dedicates to studying, and somewhat lack of social skills (there are nerds who are great at socializing though)

    I myself, love all the star wars movies, read tolkien books after i heard of the movies, find gothics stupid, never owned a nintendo, never played dungeons and dragons, think napeoleon dynamite is not funny, love salsa yet dont waste time listening to music, love history channel and discovery channel, have no idea who bukowski is nor i have the slightest interest in knowin (as a matter of fact ill try not to read any of his books ever)

    A nerd list without the word UNIX included is not a nerd list.
27. #27 She-Ra says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Nerds!!! are the one’s who created this site who have nothing better to do and have no lives. Whomever does not like Napoleon Dynamite is because they have identified themselves with him, and did not like being called STUPID… before talking about Goth’s or anyother alternative human being, find out what’s its all about before you post stupid comments in regards to them…. You normal people are afraid to be yourself because of what people might think and they are not…. so F*** Off!!!
28. #28 LucifersAngel says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:58 am

    You are officialy the biggest cock i have ever came across, how dare you say that about goths? You are the loser, not us. we do not try to be outcasts, we like dark clothes and dark music, we get along fine with normal people and theres not much difference between us or them. So what if we liek the company of our own kind? You are a social retard and people like you are the reason why we can’t be ourselves. Get a fucking life.
29. #29 BouncyTH says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    N.10 is rediculous
30. #30 Sarah says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    Ok, So I didn’t realize you tried oh so very hard not to be a “poster nerd.” You would think that you’d just be yourself, but no. If you have to try that hard to be something you’re not…or to not be something you are, maybe it was just meant to be. Instead of classifing yourself and furthering this sillyness, just stop. Realize that wearing a tee shirt from Hot Topic shouldn’t make you less or more of anything. It’s just a shirt.
    Please get a life.
    Thank you.
31. #31 Avi says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:59 am

    ”nerds are smart and play video games.”

    ”plus, you visit old-wizard. that automatically gives you a pass.”

    wtf?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
32. #32 jorge(: says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:00 am

    lol i sometimes buy shirts from hot topic and i been listening to metal since middle school this is stupid