• Top 10 Things I Like, By DestructoMaximo

  

  Written by destructomaximo 27 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 20, 2008

  Since web lists are completely self-serving, narcissistic, and most times downright troll-ish, I thought I’d finally stop beating around the bush. Instead of the normal OW list explaining off our opinion as fact, I thought I’d make an honest list: Top 10 Things I like, by Destructo.

  10. Blue Pens

  Whoever was writing one day and thought “F%CK, I know this black ink perfectly contrasts on this white paper, but I just GOTS to have blue!” is seriously my hero. As a bonus, when you have a cubicle wall covered in data tables all printed in black (because your company doesn’t think you’re high enough on the totem pole to use the color printer) there’s nothing like mapping those relationships in blue to make those one-to-many’s pop. Don’t get me started on red pens.

  9. Internet Trolls

  Twice in a recent David Thorne interview (the “pay my bill with a spider drawing” guy) he stated he has a skil of reciting every prime number backwards from 909,526. There was NO MENTION of the fact that 909,526 is an EVEN NUMBER. I laughed (that word is the old English phrase for “lol”) for like half of my lunch.

  8. Having a Job

  I can buy things, like sandwiches and computers. Sandwiches should be on this list, by the way, but I nixed it because you need sandwiches. I could say that my favorite thing is oxygen, because it’s awesomely explosive; but I’d feel like I was cheating, because you need oxygen to survive. Where was I? Oh yeah, sandwiches are awesome.

  7. Beer

  I love beer. I am past the age of binge drinking Natty Ice or Beaster in some sticky frat house with some random skank as my beer-pong partner in order to get her to hug me when I sink a cup. Now I play beer pong with Guinness, and my wife, in my own house. Love those beers…I keep getting older, and they just keep making my life seem better.

  6. Robots

  Come on, Bender, nerdy dudes doing the robot at your school’s talent show, me doing the robot with my grandma at my wedding, robots destroying the earth, Transformers, the robots that put robots together, building robots out of Legos and Constructs…robots. They’re for real.

  5. Being Tall

  In crowded concerts, stores, theaters, flash mobs, and fires, I can see over everyone. The big plus is in a crowded pub, when above the mass of drunkards, the bartender can see me.

  4. Pants that are 2 inches too long

  This goes along with being tall and skinny. No one makes pants that are 32 waist 36 length. When you do find a pair of cords that fit, and you can sit down without exposing your knees, it is a blissful feeling. Shout out to all of my lanky brothers out there.

  3. Math jokes

  I know, I know…half of the lists we make are pi, but all of your friends are the square root of negative one.

  2. Feedback in a Guitar Solo

  Feedback is the unsung god tool of guitarists. Guitars were made to mimic the sound of the human voice. The blues started bending strings to mimic the whine and whimper of the sad man. What the f%ck is more rock and roll than the ear shattering shriek of pure angst and desperation. Listen to Jimi’s Machine Gun or Star Spangled Banner, or Built to Spill’s version of Cortez the Killer to see what I’m getting at here.

  1. Obvious insults

  These are funny on two levels, uniqueness and simplicity. Calling someone “fathands,” “bigeyes,” or “redshirt (especially if their shirt isn’t red)” is about the funniest thing in the world to me. No one can argue with an obvious insult. It’s like having your 4 year old cousin tell your uncle he is bald at Thanksgiving. Of course he is! Why wouldn’t you tell him? If a four year old can say it, I can too, fat hands.

27 Comments

1. #1 George says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 10:34 pm

   Ooooooh, really makes me wonder…
2. #2 craig says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 12:06 am

   “red shirt”= genius
3. #3 TheMountain says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 12:25 am

   Bender’s annoying as fuck
4. #4 shay says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 5:56 am

   fat hands haha
5. #5 Big A2 says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 6:21 am

   ” I laughed (that word is the old English phrase for “lol”)”

   Ah, so you’re one of the few who still use that term? tsk tsk.
6. #6 Jasmine says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 7:02 am

   Agreed that red shirt = genius, I say similar things.. I.e. in an argument I will be the first to say, yeah well, your face is round! Argh, I’m lame.

   Also, nets trolls = lawl. =]
7. #7 Wild Bill says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 1:13 pm

   LOL at #3.
8. #8 Hugh says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 1:16 pm

   What does this have to do with gaming?
9. #9 Kate says:
   March 14th, 2010 at 1:19 pm

   Haha…I love how random this site is. I never know what I’m going to be reading today when I type in the url.
10. #10 DM says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    @ Jasmine

    lol
11. #11 Weekday Warrior says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    robots are sweet…especially metal ones…
12. #12 TheMountain says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Kate- Yeah, I don’t know exactly what to call Old-Wizard. Its not simply a video game website. It’s just fucking strange sometimes. Good though. Always a surprise or something to get pissed off at least. lol.
13. #13 ubldakj says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Built to Spill is the shit
14. #14 DM says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    @ ubldakj

    I agree. Saw them a couple months ago w/ meat puppets opening…sick sick sick, except they got cut short so a bunch of yale kids could have a hot dance party…bizarre happenings.
15. #15 Gunsn1per says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 10:50 am

    DM, how would you like that laser-visible-only pen? You know what I mean, haha…
16. #16 Fresh says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    I named my cat Bender.
17. #17 DM says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    @ Gunsn1per:

    Oh man, as you can see, my love for color variations in pens is evident (don’t ask me why I still rough draft code in pen…old habits die hard). I think any advancement in pen hue and/or technology is welcome. If you manage to give me a pen that is half Bond and half StarWars I might implode. x/0 type stuff.
18. #18 DM says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    @ Fresh:

    My cats would be bender & Mittens (Ralph’s cat), but my wife games too and our cat is Spyro. After the cats we are looking at 2 Bulldogs and naming them Bitey and Tookie (poor spelling, but it’s “crazy” in Swedish)
19. #19 karl says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    This is a stupid list. Get a life.
20. #20 Gary says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    lol. great list, DM.
21. #21 Nero says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 10:51 am

    LOL! Great list.
22. #22 MaximoDestructo says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 2:56 am

    Top 10 Things I like, by MaximoDestructo:

    10. Pencils
    9. Real life Trolls
    8. Being Unemployed.
    7. Non-alcoholic Beverages
    6. Biological organisms
    5. Being Short
    4. Pants that are 2 inches too short
    3. Poetry Jokes
    2. Silence
    1. Subtle , yet witty Insults

    I fucking hate you guys.
23. #23 Nate says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Robots! Yes!
24. #24 cody floyd says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    you also like penis’s,wait no thats not you thats zeromage
25. #25 Fresh Prince says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    This was funny.
26. #26 Paul says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    My favorite insult is “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
27. #27 Fedricco Rabaya says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 11:16 am

    What are the top 10 things you don’t like?