• Top 10 Movies of All Time

  

  Written by destructomaximo 129 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 30, 2009

  To be honest, I’m most comfortable when I’m writing about old NES titles and beer. Although I am a musician and I’ve studied music from classical to Jazz to rock to blues, the differing opinions on the matter make it tough to publish my opinions on it, you brats are brutal. Worst of all is writing about movies. I watch a LOT of movies…crap movies. I love 70’s kung-fu and 80’s slasher flics. I am not a film critic, I never studied the ins and outs of cinematography, and I sure as hell don’t consider my self an expert. You can understand my anxiety when Zero asked me if I’d pen a top 10 movies. The conversation went something like this (the following is slightly dramatized for effect): “WTF? Top ten movies based on what?” “Whatever you want.” “Whatever I want? That’s like trolling for angry nerds” “Whatever, man. You ARE an angry nerd” “So I’m starting an argument, this is an argument list.” “Is there any other kind of list?” “Right on…”

  So here you have it. DestructoMaximo’s top 10 movies of all time. Ever. Without question.

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  10. Labyrinth

  About once every ten years, Bowie comes out of hiding to show everyone he is still the coolest man alive. In the 00’s, we had Zoolander, where Bowie walks into the underground walk-off like some god of hipness to offer his hand in judgment. In the 90’s he teamed up with Trent Reznor, at the height of his relevance, to collaborate on “I’m Afraid of Americans,” a sentiment held by the entire world and most Americans. But it was in the 1980’s that Bowie cemented himself as the epitomized cool of my generation’s youth. He sported a perfectly feathered and blow-dried Euro-Mullet and looked like some half-lion, half-drag queen. Bowie the goblin king kidnapped a baby and creepily juggled a glass orb while leading the kid’s sister through his Jim Henson created labyrinth of Muppets to prove she loves her baby-brother enough to earn him back. We don’t really know why Bowie wants to keep the baby so badly, but it’s strangely Jacksonesque to watch him dangle the little brat over the Escher staircases in full creepiness. I still break into a “Dance, Magic Dance” number every once in a while for my wife. IMHO, The coolest Bowie was the transgender goblin king, but I’ll let you judge for your selves.

  9. Ghostbusters

  When I was 5, my dad took me to my first movie. When I was 6, that movie came out on VHS, and I rented it every Friday night for about a year. That movie was Ghostbusters. I can’t really tell you why it was such a great movie. I never (even at 5) thought Sigourney Weaver was particularly hot. Rick Morranis as a supporting character was a dumb choice, but an 80’s comedy prerequisite. It may have been the idea that scientists could drop their boring research and become adventure heroes (this fantasy got stronger as I aged and became a scientist). It could have been the complicated brotherly dynamic between the ghostbuster team. It could have been the underlying theme of ridding NY of its negativity in order to release its seedy demons (a theme that was, unfortunately, smashed into our skulls in GB2…to horrible results). But really, I think it boiled down to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man being awesome and hearing the word “ass” on screen. What do you want from a 5 year old?

  8.  The Life of Brian

  I want to start out by saying it is not obligatory to include a Monty Python film on a nerd site, this movie deserves to be here. What if you were born on the same day as Jesus, right next door, and were constantly mistaken for the messiah? The very idea of having to spend your life in the shadow of Jesus is hilarious and sad. Have Monty Python tackle the subject and you have comedic perfection. After all, “Life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it!”

  7. A Beautiful Mind

  If any of you have read this (looooong) book, you know what a feat it was to get it turned into a movie. Quite frankly, I can’t come close to understanding how this was pitched to a studio. “Um, we have this antisocial genius who is an expert on game theory. He was a recluse for years due to crippling mental illness, and oh, he won the Nobel Prize in economics. Can we turn his life story into a movie?” John Nash is absolutely a genius, if you’ve read any of his work on game theory you know that already. His recent outspokenness on how Keynesian economics has destroyed the fabric of the US and how we should revert back to the gold standard brought him back into the intellectual mainstream and put this movie back on my top 10 list. Read the book, read his papers, then watch the movie (if you haven’t done the first two, do them and watch it again).

  6. Godfather

  When family is involved, everything is personal. When my little brother was sniped with a bb gun by the neighborhood bully, I reluctantly went to his door, pulled him out of the house, and told him if he ever bothered my brother again I would make his life unpleasant. That night I crawled into their yard ninja style and shut their power off. In the Godfather, Michael returns from the war intent on living a normal life. His father runs the most influential mafia family in the states, and is intent on having Michael take over the family business. Much like I was happy not interacting with my asswipe bully neighbor, it took the pride-filled defense of my family to get me involved. When Michael’s father was gunned down after refusing to put a hand into the drug racket, Michael had no choice but to take the situation into his own hands and involve himself in the family in order to avenge the attack on his dad. Sometimes you need to readjust your moral scale in order to wage war against the greater of two evils.

  5. E.T.

  What’s the first thing you think of when you see Reese’s Pieces (ooh, a piece of candy!)? Or when your ancient grandfather points his shaky finger at something he’s cranky about (ouch)? How great was it when you first heard a pint-sized Drew Barrymore utter the words “penisbreath?” This movie made every boy (and probably girl) from my generation ride their bikes (ah, memories of my awesome star wars huffy) off of home made ramps imagining cruising weightlessly across the moon. Aside from this awesomeness, the movie also taught us not to fear aliens, lessons about racism, that feds should be hated (a point reinforced years later when my freaker friends had their towers confiscated, shutting down our BBS), and that sometimes your parents aren’t perfect. In short, E.T. is awesome. A collector’s edition of ET dressed up in a sundress greets you as you walk into my house.

  4. Raiders of the Lost Ark

  This movie invented the adventurer stereotype, making all re-watchings pale in comparison to that first time in the theater. Adventure bound history nerd, Indy, is hired by the government to find the ark of the covenant…the literal holy grail of archeologists. He has an obligatory arch nemesis who is content to let Indy do all of the footwork so he can steal the ark. If this weren’t enough, there is also a band of Nazis he gets to foil on the way to the ark. Did I mention a hot lady who starts off hating him until the sexual tension boils over? We could replace the ark with the destruction of the Deathstar, the Nazi’s with the Empire, The nemesis with Jaba (or Fett, really), and the leggy blonde with the rebel princess. Whatever, the equation works, the direction works, and Ford works Han without the MF.

  3. Fellowship of the Ring

  Long ago ZM and I used to run around in the woods located behind each others’ houses. Each were deemed Mirkwood, and we often had to fight dragons, orcs, and spiders. These novels were, and quite possibly still are, one of the greatest series of books ever written. When I first heard they were being made into live action movies I was a bit nervous, but what Peter Jackson did was nothing short of miraculous. Each scene had the perfect feeling. The Shire was happy and cheerful, Rivendell was magical and foreign, and everything felt and looked exactly as it should. Peter Jackson was able to do something Lucas could only dream of, making a movie with CGI feel real. Lucas’s graphics are corny and cartoonish, while Jackson only uses them to enhance the scene, make things look more epic, and draw you further into the picture he is painting. Quit oppositely Lucas pushes the viewer away. Now there are a few scenes I take issue with, the shield skateboard in Two Towers, and sliding down the oliphant’s trunk as it dies in Return of the King, but the rest of the movies are so great that I have chosen to overlook them. Also interestingly I’m not scared of the prequel to this movie, I’m sure Jackson will best Lucas in that respect as well.

  2. Empire

  “No, there is another.” With these words, spoken by Yoda to Obi-Wan immediately after sending Luke off on a death mission and telling him to sacrifice his friends for the sake of their cause, I was transformed into something new. Why would Yoda, a good guy in my 8 year old mind, tell Luke to let the other good guys die Was Lando a good guy? My boys were just ambushed by the Empire in Bespin! Was Boba Fett bad, or just trying to do the job he was hired to do? It seemed as if no one was all good, and no one was all bad. Even Luke had much anger in him, much to learn he still has as he throws away the rest of his training…at least we know Vader is definitely all bad. For the first time in my young life there was a gray area. Before Empire there were good guys and bad guys. Friends and enemies. Autobots and Decepticons. Professor X and Magneto. You get the point. Now there was something new, people were more complicated. I started to like Han more than Luke because of his relative badness. I went through the awkwardness of puberty for 20 years, but when we learned that Luke was Vader’s son, I knew it had taken me 2 hours to become a man. I went into the kitchen and gave my dad a hug, and then I checked to see if his arm was mechanical.

  1. Braveheart

  Braveheart is the first and only movie I have openly cried watching with my friends as an adult. It was ok, they were crying too. We didn’t cry when young William’s father was hauled back dead from battle, or when his wife’s throat was slit by the English in the middle of the village. Those events made us William Wallace. They filled us with all of the raw rage, power, and FTM do-or-die that pumped through William Wallace’s veins as he trashed (and mooned) the English in epic bloody broadsword wielding battles. Like watching a football game we all roared at the TV during those fights. We all high-fived when he finally got to toss the beans to Princess Isabelle. But it was the unexpected, heart wrenchingly defiant scream of FREEDOM as he is being publicly disemboweled that we all noticed the streams of tears on each other’s faces. I am 7/8 Swede and 1/8 Scott, that 1/8 was very proud by the end of this movie…burn it.

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129 Comments

1. #1 One Eyed Willie says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:52 am

   Best top 10 movies list I’ve ever read.
2. #2 Moviemasterkid1 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:27 am

   how can e.t beat the godfather one movie is about a alien that wants to go home and one is about how life is in the mob make your choice
3. #3 Moviemasterkid1 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:29 am

   raider of the lost ark is cool but he is afraid of snakes which is everywhere in creepy tunnels
4. #4 else3573 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:02 pm

   All great movies, except maybe ET, but I’d have to add a few more, off the top of my head:

   Goodfellas (along with GF1 and GF 2, this is the 3rd piece of the triumvirate of greatest mafia flicks ever produced. One of the few movies better than the book.)

   Stand By Me (Steven King at his best, sappy but in a good way. Love the flashbacks and side story’s, as well as all the different antagonists they face in their quest to find the body (Chopper the junkyard dog, the train on the bridge, the leeches, etc.)The characters backgrounds are well written and well established, and the kids themselves are portrayed by actual GIFTED child actors, unlike the kids in Dreamcatcher…lol)

   Pulp Fiction (each story is excellent on it’s own, and the acting is superb. Some may think it’s cliche to include this, but it WAS a great movie)

   Big Trouble In Little China (as a kid, when this came out, I was all about ninjas and shit, as all kids were, and probably watched this film over 100 times. The moody, rain soaked China town streets and amazing score (not “soundtrack, but actual SCORE!!!) create an amazing ambiance. It’s like a movie version of the game “Kung Fu Master” as they work their way through the levels of Lo Pans fortress)
5. #5 colin says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:49 am

   great list. i really enjoy the way you write and how personal you make everything. i am a newly converted fan of this site!
6. #6 Atom36 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:22 am

   I’m glad this is sn opinion because this list is horrible
7. #7 Durham1984 says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:42 am

   Umm, hello? Clockwork Orange?
8. #8 Kurono says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

   Clockwork Orange PLEASEEEEE!!!! And no Scarface, Pulp Fiction? C’mon, the list are actually pretty good, but its too short (a Top 20 will be better)
9. #9 shane says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:16 am

   have you seen forrest gump, shawshank redemption, green mile ?
10. #10 yousuck says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:28 am

    Worst top 10 movie list I’ve seen. LOL
11. #11 Lamar says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:52 am

    Awesome list!
12. #12 Drdpiratroberts says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:33 am

    I’m part Scottish, and I also cry watching Braveheart, good stuff.

    That being said I am in agreeance with adding Pulp Fiction. However, as much as I love Clockwork Orange I would have to say it is not as deserving as Full Metal Jacket.

    Also, Scarface is too hyped, in my opinion (I am just an aspiring Movie-Maker and Telecommunications Student, but not an expert) Carlito’s Way is better.

    Sadly for me my top five movies are as follows:
    1. BASEketball (not sure why)
    2. Princess Bride
    3. Chasing Amy
    4. Pulp Fiction
    5. Fight Club
13. #13 Max says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, Shawshank Redemption??!!
14. #14 Justin says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:10 am

    Hmmm.No Fight Club,Pulp Fiction,Goodfellas,Scarface,Mallrats,O Brother Where Art Thou,The Matrix (#1),Full Metal Jacket,or Donnie Darko?Damn.
15. #15 Zeldahardcore says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:10 am

    This list was awesome. Nicely done!
16. #16 Lone Ranger says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Its hard to come up with a list of the top ten movies ever. There are so many different genres to consider. That being said, this is a terrible attempt at making such a list. Braveheart in no way whatsoever deserves to be on the top 10, much less be number 1. Also, the inclusion of Labyrinth is laughable. How old are you, twelve? Here’s my list of top 10 movies of all time:

    1. Citizen Kane
    2. Carrie
    3. Inglorious Bastards
    4. Blazing Saddles
    5. Pulp Fiction
    6. Casablanca
    7. 2001: A Space Odyssey
    8. Reservoir Dogs
    9. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
    10. Pi
17. #17 Hurricane says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    Anyone who puts Labyrinth on a Top 10 Movies list needs to be shot.
18. #18 Lemurion says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 1:26 am

    Holy Grail is so much better than Life of Brian its ridiculous.
19. #19 ChazX says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:08 am

    Did you forget 2001? (or maybe you’re just not old enough to have seen it)
20. #20 Fedricco Rabaya says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 2:14 am

    Yeah, Braveheart is a very touching movie. The only movie i “cried” though was “The Last Samurai”.
21. #21 Warrior says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    All of these were great movies. Nice list.
22. #22 Eli says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    You guys should do a top 10 horror movies. My personal favs:

    1. 30 Days of Night
    2. Dawn of the Dead
    3. 28 Weeks Later
    4. Halloween
    5. Jaws
    6. Saw
    7. Friday the 13th
    8. The Birds
    9. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
    10. Rosemary’s Baby
23. #23 Polish Pounders Uncle says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:25 am

    Shitty list
24. #24 Lee says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    1. Citizen Kane
    2. Casablanca
    3. 2001
    4. The Titanic
    5. Star Wars
    6. The Godfather
    7. When Harry Met Sally
    8. The Wizard of Oz
    9. Groundhog Day
    10. Pulp Fiction
25. #25 Jade says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    Awesome list!
26. #26 joey says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:49 am

    Worst. List. Ever.