Top 10 Famous People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous

Top 10 Famous People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous

Written by Zeromage 50 Comments
Last Updated:: September 4, 2008

Ever wonder why certain people are famous? Looking back at the history of the world, we see fame given to some notable figures like Shakespeare, Newton, and Einstein, which we will soon cover in our top 50 most influential people of all time. These people changed history through their tireless forays into the arts and sciences. Pop culture in the 20th century though has made it easy for any smiling face who wears skimpy clothes and gives us some animal level of entertainment to be famous. In this list, we will cover who we think are the 10 most famous people who shouldn’t be famous. These people have it easy. They get paid for basically doing nothing, and have no talent or anything worth contributing creatively to the world.

10. Keanu Reeves

Poor acting can get you a million places. Just look at Van Damme. His acting is so poor that its always comical. But Van Damme never took himself seriously as a good actor. He knew he was shit and that his livelihood depended on karate kicks and meditative poses in sunsets. Keanu Reeves though has tried hard to be a worthwhile actor and has developed into one of the most recognizable sources of poor acting. The plot of “The Matrix” was so solid and tight in production that his lack of acting didn’t make the movie suffer in terms of its quality. If anything, his lack of acting talent made him a perfect character for the main role of the movie, which required a robotic “read-off-the-que-cards” role. Beyond this he can only act dumb jock roles, and even these he never accomplishes with any sense of fluency. He’s only fit for roles that require no sense of real acting. (Also, check out his band “Dogstar” for more evidence of his lack of talent in anything besides robot roles).

9. Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil is a product of modern man who has become overly obsessed with his inner emotions as guides to everything in life. The emotions that are important for Dr. Phil are the ones that are only most slavish and obsequious to any power forces in the world. It’s through Dr. Phil that man becomes less than what he is in not striving for anything greater for himself. His pacifistic acceptance that covers everything under the unrecognized disposition for “modern love” (meaning letting your partner walk all over you “out of love”) has made culture soft and wimpy. Watch any of his shows or read any of his books and you will see your balls slowly diminish to miniscule proportions. He’s easy to follow, because the life he wants you to lead is so easy it requires no passion.

8. Rachel Ray

Has there ever been a more annoying voice than Rachel Ray’s? Every time I have to hear her uppity raspy voice, I want to smash the TV and never go to Dunkin’ Donuts again out of hatred of Dunkin’ Donuts making her a spokeswoman. She is purely daytime banality. Her views are always carpingly affirmative, and any sort of real insight consistently evades her day time work. She has found her success on American’s love of doing everything as quick as possible, like making meals in less than 30 minutes. When has this ever become a good thing? To not have the patience to prepare a meal and take your time eating it? It never became recognized as a good thing. It’s something that had to happen when man realized that he was too busy to recognize anything about himself. We are beyond good and evil with Rachel Ray. We are simply always in a hurry and we love her for it.

7. Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez is irritating to watch on the screen and even more irritating to listen to musically. She’s not a musician. Please don’t be confused by this. Sure, she may have a CD labeled with her name on it, but she had no hand in the production, musicianship, or even singing on the album (the autotune took care of all that). She dances in her mundane videos “living the moment” as if we already didn’t have enough of Ricky Martin’s incredible insights into living for the moment. Her acting skills are limited to wedding movies where she walks around in gowns and falls for smooth, bare-chested men. She has no real skill. She has taken her limited abilities and transferred them into a multimedia image. She’s a fine example of being able to become famous without having any real ability.

6. Osama Bin Laden

Osama Bin Laden has become the sign of evil for our culture when our culture was at a point where it had no sense for what evil was. Every time he tries to get the attention of the western media by holding up his long finger in front of a camera and spewing out pseudo-spiritual garbage about universal doom, we slavishly watch and let our inner fears get the best of us. Of course, it doesn’t help that we are always the first to know about this by the media’s insistence on always trying to instill a fear in us by listening to apocalyptical parables from this ego-maniacal goon. If we cared less about what someone like this attention seeker always says, and more on what was going on immediately in front of us (in the present), then we might find ourselves to be happier people. But maybe man finds himself happier being in fear, than being enlightened by his own surroundings.

5. Mario Lopez

Mario Lopez first saw his fame rise in the 80’s early morning sitcom “Saved By the Bell” which was no doubt a great show for us here at Old-Wizard. We still watch this show whenever we wake up early in the morning to catch it on TBS. We even liked Mario Lopez’s character as “AC Slater” Who represented a meathead in the most flattering way it could be represented. It was his post Saved by the Bell career though that made him into a buffoon. All he does now is pose in fashion magazines with his shirt off and does easy commentary for shows as topical as a Ms. American Pageant and Dancing with the Stars. He has accepted his role as just a face for modern media to look at with nothing else of anything substance behind it. You will never find him acting or creating anything. He’s just a face and a body that is consistently over-indulgently smiling.

4. Ashlee Simpson

Is this one not obvious? She can’t sing. She looks like shit even after her massive amounts of facial surgery. Her debut album was called “autobiography”. Autobiography of what? Living off all your parent’s money and your sister’s success which only came from singing tacky 80’s covers? Why the hell would I have any interest in knowing anything about this Hollywood Hills product of affluenza? Her insights in interviews cover the spectrum of platitudes along the lines of “I’m always trying to make myself better as a person” and “It’s important to stay positive”. Is it possible for there to be anyone less interesting than this sorry excuse for a performer?

3. Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton is one of the greater heights of modern man’s stupidity in being fascinated by sluts. If Man has become more of a gorilla than an enlightened force in control of his universe, its because of his interest in tramps like Paris Hilton who have found their fame in porn and heiress fortune. Everything that she tries creatively, she fails at. Her only success was found in trying to do full time jobs in a reality show but not being able to because she’s as useless as her family raised her to be. She even tried music. This sorry excuse for modern hip hop/pop is as hard to listen to as a Bon Jovi cover band. She looks good because of the amounts of makeup she puts on and her coquettish looks towards the camera. This is why she is famous. Her fame is a blatantly signifier of the dumbing down of our culture.

2. Ryan Seacrest

The “host” of American Idol, an atrocious actor in “Knocked up” which secured him from ever gaining a movie role again, and an all around entertainment commentary is the make up of who Ryan Seacrest is. You see his face everywhere but you don’t anything about what he has ever done productively speaking. You see his face smiling and giggling ubiquitously in all of the modern mediums of communication. This is all that can really be said about him. He has no personality beyond trying to give people a false sense of happiness by his consistently excited appearance. Is it possible that Ryan Seacrest is just an appearance, an apparition that will fade away in the smallest amount of time? Like everyone on this list, his fate is sealed by the recognition that appearances will always fade into nothingness.

1. Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker is the hallmark of modern love through her soporific movies and her most famous work in Sex in the City. What is this modern love that she epitomizes? She consistently gets hurt by some ugly loser named “Big” who’s personality is as dry as a Stop and Shop baguette, and she keeps going back to him out of some “eternal bond”. This “eternal bond” is consistently being walked over by a business suit wearer who’s only concerns revolve around his company’s profit margins. Her narratives never involve herself as being able to be independent of human beings in search of something greater than being hurt. In a certain sense, her role in Sex in the City is a recapitulation of the West’s unconscious desire to always want tragedy in ones life while at the same time realizing “I just want to be happy”. This internal contradiction is epitomized in Sarah Jessica Parker’s roles as an actress. It’s almost painful having to watch how unenlightened her characters are, even though we did like Flight of the Navigator.

50 Comments

#1 Phil says:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:55 pm

What about the Kardashians?

#2 old-wizard.com says:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:55 pm

Luckily after the Dominion War they are longer much of a threat.

#3 no mail says:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:59 pm

There much worse people out there than sarah jessica parker – anyone from the hills – anyone from the real worlds -anyone from mtv period

#4 Wild Bill says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:03 am

Sarah Jessica Parker is higher on the list than OSAMA BIN LADEN?!?!

#5 George says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:35 am

These are the people who are still famous no mail, nice choice with Osama, I never would have thought of that. I really can’t think of any improvements. You guys kick ass.

#6 Jules says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:54 am

Could this site get any stupider?

#7 Nick says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:55 am

Couldn’t agree more with number 1.

#8 Chase357 says:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:03 am

Paris Hilton should be #1. She’s completley worthless as an actress, model, pornstar and person.

I also nominate the Jonas Brothers for this list. They fake their concerts. I know because my friend did sound for one of their concerts and it’s all pre-recorded.

#9 Gary says:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:42 am

Do you think any of these celebrities care what YOU think of them? Come on.

#10 TheGamesta says:
March 16th, 2010 at 4:14 am

Did you guys get a new writer? I noticed a bit of improvement here! There are so many more people that should be on this list too, but regardless, I agreed with everyone mentioned.

#11 Rich says:
March 16th, 2010 at 10:14 am

LOL. Nice work.

#12 Jim says:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:30 pm

sarah jessica parker sure is ugly…

#13 MountainMaverick says:
March 16th, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Great great article

#14 Pingfa says:
March 16th, 2010 at 3:02 pm

I agree with Nomail – in fact, I think you at Old-Wizard agree too. You just made a mistake:

You put Sarah Jessica Parker’s character on the list, but called her Sarah Jessica Parker.

Also, I agree that Keanu Reeves’ role as an actor is somewhat limited, but he is greatly suited to certain roles. Keanu Reeves is a cheesy actor. As long as he’s in cheesy roles, it’s all good.

#15 Drama says:
March 16th, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Where the fuck is Bush?

#16 robert says:
March 16th, 2010 at 7:06 pm

i’m confused as to why SJP is ranked higher than paris hilton. I could give two shits less about Sarah Jessica Parker, but paris is COMPLETELY worthless. I wouldn’t even call her eye candy because everytime i see her she’s spewing out the stupidest shit from her mouth.

And this list is lacking Reality TV stars from MTV and VH1. You know like the cast of the Hills and those slutty bitches from Flava of Love. Especially that annoying waste of space, “New York.” She should’ve been on that list instead of Keanu Reeves

#17 Karl says:
March 16th, 2010 at 8:05 pm

The part about Paris Hilton was hilarious.

#18 christian says:
March 16th, 2010 at 8:16 pm

some of these i agree with.. ryan seacrest is a key point. there is a whole slew of celebrities like him that are basically permanent “hosts”.. they just go around and host different shows and events. that’s what they do. bizarre.

i don’t agree with some of these folks being called things like worthless and the like. who are we to judge someone’s worth as a person? ok maybe they’re not great artists, but maybe they’re good mothers, sisters, friends etc. i am sure they have quite a lot of worth to at least somebody.

also i thought j. lo released a few good pop singles. waiting for tonight was one of the better dance pop songs of the late 90’s early 00’s. and paris’s single stars are blind was a charmingly lightweight little pop/reggae summer love song… i honestly don’t mind it.

and sarah jessica parker is just a representative of the modern american everywoman. i think that’s who she appeals to, for better or worse.

now if we’re going to pick apart the values and behaviors of the modern american everywoman… i think a lot of constructive criticisms can be made. but i hate to just pick on sarah jessica parker herself as a person… as she is in her position of fame largely because a lot of americans seem to like what she represents and conveys in her acting roles… specifically as carrie on sex in the city. now WHY america likes this kind of thing is a good question.

i don’t like it. i find that show pretty shameful on the whole. but the question is.. why do so many people like it? what does that say about our values as a culture? why aren’t we reaching for something higher in the realm of arts & entertainment?

i think those are the kind of questions to be asked here

#19 Osama says:
March 16th, 2010 at 8:19 pm

I mostly agree but Paris Hilton should be # 1!

#20 Sal Solo says:
March 16th, 2010 at 8:39 pm

Great list! I agree 100%!

#21 Rutvergas says:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Good list overall. Mario Lopez made me blurb made me laugh.

#22 Mike P says:
March 16th, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Some of these are has-beens… you should have made separate categories… people that shouldn’t have ever been famous and people who should not be famous. But it was nice to trash a little on our post-modern culture.

Suggestion:

#23 Mike P says:
March 16th, 2010 at 4:24 pm

People who shouldn’t be in the music industry

#24 Linklock says:
March 16th, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Yes. Dont you like how we make Bin Laden famous?

#25 Jasmine says:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:42 am

“They let Sarah Jessica Parker’s face on TV and she looks like a foot.” – Peter Griffin.

Enough said.

#26 cdawg says:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:34 pm

so…i agree that paris should be #1, but i also would like to know where lauren conrad is???

#27 kdk says:
March 16th, 2010 at 9:18 pm

What about Nicole Ritchie? I don’t like Paris Hilton, but at least she attempts to sing/act/whatever…

#28 Jasmine says:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:54 pm

I don’t think many appreciate her “attempts” though =P

#29 shadyparatroopa_of_ice says:
March 16th, 2010 at 8:48 pm

Paris definitely should have been 1 and after the Sega hate that you made, you guys are starting to rock.

#30 sacwip_flucr says:
March 16th, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Sarah Jessica Parker? I wouldn’t put her in the top 10… she could at least play a hot witch in hocus pocus… but her character in S&TC, yes spot on.

But the rest of the list… perfect.

#31 sara says:
March 16th, 2010 at 7:11 pm

Okay this is dumb…you are judging SJP based on the show’s script??? She is the artist not the art. How can Paris not be first or I dunno New York from Flava Flave maybe

#32 stfulolerskayes says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:25 pm

where the hell are Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Lindsey “Fuckin” Lohan?

#33 christina says:
March 16th, 2010 at 7:57 pm

brittany spears should be on the list and 1st

#34 PORTERHOUSE says:
March 16th, 2010 at 6:56 pm

If brains were dynamite, Paris Hilton’s dumb, spoiled slut ass wouldn’t have enough to squeeze out a fart!

#35 Modern Critique says:
March 16th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

Jarred from Subway!!!! Totally annoying Mo’ Foe

#36 Modern Critique says:
March 16th, 2010 at 6:19 pm

Jarred from Subway!!!! Any obese dumb fuck can be picked out like a lab rat and given free Subway for life and lose weight. That does not cure that lisp and that ugly ass face.

#37 caca says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:42 am

omg paris suck!!1

#38 MIKE says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:27 am

I DISAGREE WITH RACHEL RAY AND KEANU REEVES BEING ON THIS LIST. OTHER THAN THAT THE REST IS ALRIGHT

umm what about OPRAH, SOME PPL FROM MTV SHOWS, SARAH SILVERMAN,

#39 Jacky says:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:17 pm

I think that some pelpe like OPRAH

#40 JeZeP says:
March 16th, 2010 at 2:28 pm

I completely agree with this list, Nice work!

Dr. Phil should be even higher up, he sucks.

#41 Abigail says:
March 16th, 2010 at 3:43 pm

I agree.

What about….

The Jonas Brothers
Miley Cyrus
Zac Effron

#42 Alayna says:
March 16th, 2010 at 7:29 pm

The people that are on the list definitely deserve to be there…but i think there are a few others who should be considered for a future list. Miley Cyrus(her voice is okay, but there are thousands of regular girls out there who can sing equally well if not better. She’s famous because of her dad)Tila Tequila(is famous for being a complete whore) Soulja Boy (there just isn’t any reason he should be famous)the trashy bitches from charm school(its embarrasing to our culture that women can be famous for being alcoholic, foul mouthed and rude on tv, not to mention highly slutty. There’s no talent in that.) A few good suggestions i think.

#43 Chris says:
March 16th, 2010 at 2:02 am

I don’t like Ryan Seacrest either, but I’m pretty sure he’s the producer of multiple hit television shows. Not to mention a pretty successful DJ as well.

#44 Nikolai says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:33 pm

I bookmarked this link. Thank you for good job!

#45 Fedricco Rabaya says:
March 16th, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Oprah should be number one. She’s a hypocrite!!! She’s getting richer everyday. My mother watches Oprah and I get annoyed. She always talks about health but she herself is unhealthy and overweight.

#46 Fedricco Rabaya says:
March 16th, 2010 at 2:18 pm

What about Taylor Swift?

#47 Charles B. says:
March 16th, 2010 at 12:48 am

This article was awesome!

#48 Ryan Seacrest says:
March 16th, 2010 at 1:31 pm

This is bull

#49 Larry says:
March 16th, 2010 at 3:38 pm

good post

Top 10 Famous People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous

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