• Top 10 Characters From Punch Out!

  

  Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 24, 2008

  Mike Tyson’s Punchout was one of the best games for the NES. It had great game play that was neither too complex nor too simple. The game’s duration was a perfect length, employing a simple password technology to start you off at the first fighter of a respective circuit. What really made Punchout so successful though, was all it’s well-designed and well-thought-out characters ranging from the drunk to the arrogant, to the flat out awfully skilled fighters. Each had their own charisma or lack there of. Each had their own mid-round parlance reflecting their own personalities that were guided by their various cultures. Super Punchout for the SNES would continue the tradition adding more color and graphic technology to all the fighters and even reinstating many of the fighters from Mike Tyson’s Punchout such as Bald Bull, Mr. Sandman, and the overly tan Super Macho Man. It was imperative for us at Old-Wizard to come up with the definitive “best of” list for the Punchout and Super Punchout characters combined. There were some fighters we left off that we wish we didn’t have to leave off like Mr. Sandman and 3 or 4 fighters from Super Punchout such as Nick Bruiser, Bob Charley, and Masked Muscle. But as with all lists, omissions are always necessary. Still, we are confident you will enjoy our picks, especially our number 1 pick.

  
  10. Von Kaiser

  This German born bruiser was born in the heights of southern Germany. While not any sort of a real challenge to little Mac, he appears efficient and German in his fighting style. He has trouble evading most punches, is easily stunned and takes immediate falls at the hint of one small uppercut. His German fighting style is augmented by his 20th century German prose in between rounds often being heard saying concise epigrams such as “Surrender! Or I will conquer you!” or “I will teach you a lesson! You will fall down!” It had to be the case that anyone this stereotypically naziesque would be easy to defeat, to reinsure the player of the atrocities committed by Nazi Germany in the 30’s. Adding to the German stereotyping was Von Kaisers entrance theme which was a segment of Wagner’s “Ride of The Valkyries”, and let’s not forget that magnificent Nietzsche mustache that Von Kaiser wore. At a skinny 144 pounds with not much physical power or height though, his culture idiosyncrasies pertaining to panzer power would not be analogized. He’s a fighter you feel good about beating because he’s not the first opponent who’s basically impossible to lose to. You grow as a fighter whomping on Van Kaiser, knowing you are beating on one of Germany’s best. Not even his totalitarian diction can keep you from fighting a good fight against him.

  9. Don Flamenco

  Don Flamenco was a romantic Spaniard, dancing to the ring with a rose in his mouth, winking at all the nymphs in the audience awaiting his graceful victory over lesser opponents. Don’t let Flamenco’s coquettish charm enslave you for to long though or you will be on the canvas dreaming about other things besides being on a date with Flamenco drinking red wine in the most bourgeois of fine dinning establishments. Flamenco has a mighty uppercut and endurance that will make him last throughout all the rounds Punchout has to offer. His weakness is clearly his defense as he can’t shake the most conspicuous of sliding jabs. When you face Flamenco again is when his endurance becomes a real threat to Little Mac’s conquest towards being dominated by Mike Tyson. Flamingo rolls with the punches like Mohammad Ali facing George Forman VIA “Rumble in the Jungle”. Among other characteristic of Don Flamenco are his memorable in-between round lines reflecting his persistent interest in his hair and other men’s hair. We remember after one round with him, he states eloquently, “”People like my hair. Don’t mess my hair!”, and after the second round surprisingly saying, “Hey Mr. Referee Mario. I like your hair!” giving the player the one and only time anyone ever reflected on Mario’s hair. While Don Flamenco is just an average fighter for little Mac to waste, it’s his indigenous Spanish jig and parlance that make him a top 10 character in the Punchout series.

  8. Little Mac

  Little Mac was the hero throughout Mike Tyson’s Punchout showing valor in the face of much bigger and stronger opponents. We would witness little Mac running behind his manager Doc Louis riding a bicycle in the nighttime and daytime behind an effulgent scene of New York City and the statue of liberty. While little Mac showed much valor in his fights of bigger opponents, he was not without his lachrymose wimpyness, often crying in-between rounds he was losing even if he had only been knocked down once. Nonetheless, with Doc Louis having years of experience behind him, little Mac would go on to beat the greats of the video game boxing world, even knocking down Mike Tyson when prepared properly. His uppercut would prove to be devastating as some opponents would stay on the canvas after a wallop from little Mac’s fist. His toughness can be attributed to living in the inner city of the New York City borough of the Bronx like Mike Tyson. One wonders if they ever came across each other on the street and tacitly respected each others boxing moves. Only time would tell as they would meet each other in the middle of the ring for the final showdown of Punchout for the NES. Between Doc Louis’s hard training and resiliency in procuring the world championship belt, little Mac would prove to be little in stature, but not so little in heart.

  7. Bald Bull

  Bald Bull makes his first appearance in the Major circuit of Mike Tyson’s Punchout. He’s big, ugly and powerful, but this native from Turkey is known mostly for one of the most famous personal moves in the series, known as the “Bull Charge”. With one charge ending in an uppercut, little Mac would be down with trouble getting back up. The first true challenge of Mike Tyson’s Punchout stood in Bald Bull. Before him, all of little Mac’s opponents were fairly easy to beat. It’s with Bald Bull that we meet the first boxer to knock down little Mac in one punch. He would make his appearance again later in the first installment in the World Circuit where he would attempt revenge on our Bronx protagonist. “This time I’m going to charge right over you”, Bald Bull would quip at his nagging opponent. Here, the Bull Charge would be about double the speed and slightly more random in the uppercut throw making it difficult for Mac to last past 1 round if not properly accustomed to the technique. What Bald Bull lacked in defense and in brains, he more than made up for in power and brute strength. He would get an aesthetic make-over in Super Punch Out, although staying the same as a fighter, if not slightly easier than the Bald Bull of the first installment. Bald Bull’s worst shortcoming though was his hole in his boxer shorts. All the glory he would gain from defeating an opponent would be diminished by everyone seeing the haggard shorts he was wearing. His demonic laugh at a knocked down opponent would only make the viewer laugh at the sight of Bald Bull’s ignorance of his own undergarments. As always, what makes us laugh in condescension always gets a place on any of our lists.

  6. Mad Clown

  Mad clown was clearly the most aesthetically colorful fighter in the Punchout series. This Italian loaf was one of the more difficult opponents in Super Punchout as his hugging attacks could take you down to low energy quickly. Also among Mad Clowns jocular repertoire is his juggling balls which he could throw at you from all angles. After he would throw balls at you (sometimes 3 at a time) he would come crashing down at you with a double punch to the face. If you couldn’t avoid this, you were half way to losing the battle. His slide uppercuts would also prove to be harmful taking down a little less than a quarter of energy every time he hit you with it. Like all fat boxers, the key to beating him was smashing his face in as his fat belly could not be penetrated with all the bread cells protecting him. Trying to hit him in the belly would evoke a subtle laughter as this consummate comedian would be laughing at your expense. “How could this idiot think he could do damage to me” was what was going on in Mad Clowns mind at the sight of an inexperienced boxer. Once you got the hang of his maneuvers, Mad Clown would become easy and would want to be played over again with the knowledge that he could be beaten fairly quickly. But when you first encounter him, you are in for a rude awakening, as the jokes on you when he uses illegal techniques to knock you to the mat laughing at your pedestrian attempts at boxing.

  5. Mike Tyson

  Most Punchout fans were extremely disappointed when Tyson was replaced by a goofy looking business man in the name of Mr.Dream as the last boss of the game. This later addition was never taken seriously and for good reason, because Punchout out was always “Mike Tyson’s Punchout”. The goal was to fight the real life champion, not some pansy who looked more interested in trading stocks. For those who had the original version though, you were able to fight the final boss of Mike Tyson and 99 times out of 100, lose within the first 30 seconds of the match. It is a well known fact in the classic gaming world that Tyson was one of the hardest final boss’s in video game history and for good reason, he was as dominating in the real ring as he was in the video game ring. With one uppercut you were down. Get back up and be hit again with another upper cut and you might as well be prepared to fight Super Macho Man again because how nervous you would be to fight Tyson while already being knocked down twice. The key to defeating him is mastering incredibly well-timed dodges that take months and months to practice. Once you ducked and dodged his first barrage of uppercuts you could feel good that he was throwing punches that didn’t automatically knock you to the ground. If you beat Tyson, you got to enjoy some sentimental praise from the Bronx law-breaker and watch the final credits as all the wimpier fighters were shown again. Mike Tyson, for being one of the most recognizable and difficult final bosses of all time, needs to be high on our list.

  4. King Hippo

  King Hippo was a pacific island beast who had one of the strongest punches in the Punchout. With one massive punch, little Mac was a quarter out of energy. The sight of this monster first scared the player into reconsidering the bout. What scared the player more was the fact that King Hippo was easily defending most punches that little Mac had to throw at him. Only when we learn the coveted secret of King Hippo’s consistent demise in all his loss’s, does he become one of the easier fighters for little Mac to face. As we remember, all it takes is one jab to the face interrupting one of King Hippos punches for him to fall to the mercy of Macs constant jabs at the viscera. If you don’t learn this though, you’re at the mercy of this summo looking animal, more rotund than Big Bean himself. While fearful in appearance, King Hippo is just a big lovable heavyweight as a person. In-between rounds we hear him trying to tell little Mac “I feel like eating, after I win, let’s go to lunch”, or we hearing him asking Mac about his own trunks stating “Do you like my new trunks? They are size XXX Large! Ha Ha Ha”. Obviously, King Hippo was ok with his obesity as he knew he could still pack a powerful punch in the ring that led to his .750 record in the Major Circuit. He was one of the most memorable characters throughout Punchout’s glorious history. It’s a shame we couldn’t see more of him beyond the one time we fought him towards the beginning of Punchout.

  3. Soda Popinski

  Soda Popinski was the infamous drunk Russian who always looked and talked drunk. Nonetheless he was a powerful fighter showing the utmost seriousness during a fight. Only in-between rounds or when you were knocked down would he menacingly laugh at you like you were a fly on the wall trying to escape from a water cup you entrapped the fly in. His jabs were quick and powerful. His uppercuts were even more powerful and always well timed and difficult to predict. His face and body were beat red reflecting his perennial drinking problems. Just think, if Soda Popinski could solve all of his drinking problems, he would have become one of the most difficult fighters for little Mac to contend with (I.E. Super Macho Man as they are basically engineered as the same character). Between his incessant laughter (the same exact laughter as Gannon in Zelda 2?) and entrance theme consisting of a segment from “The Volga Boatman’s Song” (Live-Long intro section), Soda Popinksi would prove to be a frightening fighter regardless of his vertigo caused by drinking habits that made him less of a stellar fighter. Among other frightening moments in a bout with Soda Popinski are his quips toward little Mac in between rounds such as “I’m going to make you feel punch drunk” and “I can’t drive, so I’m going to walk all over you”. At a young age, this scared the player into not wanting to fight this mammoth of a Russian. Pictures of Ivan Drago would float around your head in the memory of Apollo Creed fighting for his life at the hands of the giant Russian.

  2. Super Macho Man

  Super Macho Man appeared in both Punchout and Super Punchout. Both times he was never short of an excessive tan. He was also never short of a receding hairline that didn’t keep this Hollywood brawler from posing for all the lady’s and cameramen outside the ring. Take all these surplus additions to the character as a grain of salt though, because once inside the ring with Super Macho Man, you were in for the fight of your life. He was one of the most powerful fighters in both games employing an energy draining uppercut and jabs that were always hard to predict. It was his super spin punch that would make him into the most pugnacious and truculent fighters to encounter though. One hit with the super spin punch and you were almost on the ground. One hit with the haymaker version of it (usually after you knocked him down), and you were on the mat watching Super Macho Man posing like the most idolistic of Greek statues. The Haymaker was one of the more difficult moves to dodge in the game making the player develop a perfect rhythm to Super Macho Man’s 360’s. If you found your way out of the barrage though, you could nail him for a decent amount of punches. If you endured his valence for a round, you had to endure his self-conceit in between rounds as he would often be heard saying “My body is just so totally cool!” and “I work on my tan harder than I’ll have to work on you”. Hollywood pride aside, beating Super Macho Man was always difficult. It was an accomplishment and one that always took a couple of try’s. He became the salient signifier for the nefarious opponents that little Mac had to fight in the series. This is what made him one of the most remembered.

  1. Glass Joe

  Glass Joe is the first fighter little Mac ever has to face in Punchout. As everyone who has ever picked up a video game controller must know, Glass Joe is the worst boxer in any boxing game ever made. He has basically no defense and it takes him a minute into the round to throw a punch. He stands there and gets beat on. Sometimes he’s so poor, you want to see if he could possibly beat you. But after a couple of minutes of him trying to knock you down with you doing nothing with the controller, you get tired of watching and decide to clobber him without trying. His big move is moving a couple of steps back and moving from side to side taunting little Mac, then moving towards little Mac and taking 5 seconds to throw a slow right hook. In-between rounds, we learn that Glass Joe has no desire to fight in the first place. We hear him saying “Make it quick…I want to retire!” and “Do I have time to take a nap before the fight?” At age 38, it’s clear that Glass Joe goes into the ring with little hope of ever winning which is reflected by his 1-99 record. One must think to himself, “who was the one opponent that Glass Joe ever beat?” (We learn that Gabby Jay from Super Punchout has even beat him!). So why is he the greatest character in Punchout history according to Old-Wizard? We aren’t exactly sure ourselves, but when we sat and thought of what the most obvious number one should be, “Glass Joe” was the first name to come out of all of our mouths. This immediate intuition guided our placement of Glass Joe at number one. Maybe we find it amazing that Glass Joe can’t win even if he tries. Maybe the immediate laughter that happens to us when we think of Glass Joe puts him at the top of our list. All in all, it must be this absurdity of putting the worst fighter in video game boxing history at the top of our list that caused our intuition. For these reasons, he is always the most recognized boxer in the Punchout series.

10 Comments

1. #1 Longshanks Magoo says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 10:45 pm

   Funny list. Nice job!
2. #2 Tristan says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 2:56 am

   When I think of the second Punch-Out, I fondly recall taking out Bob Charley in 7 seconds and taking out Nick Bruiser in 30. It was much more exploitable than its predecessor.
3. #3 Jelly says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 4:37 pm

   good list
4. #4 Shit. says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 2:31 am

   Lame.
5. #5 Durham1984 says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 8:54 am

   Haha, good list, I love Joe Being number one! Only person I would have maybe added is Piston Honda.
6. #6 Shitkicker says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 11:55 am

   I can understand why Glass Joe is number one. Since he’s the only guy they could beat.