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Top 10 Worst Movies Based on Video Games

Written by Zeromage 324 Comments
Last Updated:: March 3, 2009

Movies are great, and so are video games. So it only makes sense that if you combine them together the result will be greater, right? Well no, they usually suck and of all the video game movies it was difficult for us to narrow the list down to the absolute worst. All of these movies are terrible and the ones I actually saw in the theaters made me loathe the time and money spent with my feet glued to the sticky floor. I’ve always known that Hollywood doesn’t have enough intelligent people to write at least one original script, so they beg, borrow, and steal from everywhere possible. Unfortunately the brain trust over on the west coast often fails us and we get stuck footing the bill. This little list is OW’s revenge. We hated these movies and hope you did as well.

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Top 10 Ways to Tell if You Suck at Video Games

Written by Zeromage 234 Comments
Last Updated:: March 2, 2009

There are some games I’m just not good at. I’ll admit that I’m terrible at Top Gun (landing the plane) and Ghosts n’ Goblins where I can’t even get past the first level. While I may not be the best at these games, I know that I have talent elsewhere, like in being able to complete Super Metroid in a radically quick time and being able to beat the Mario Lost Levels, which we know most people can’t even come close to beating. There are definite signs that you’re absolutely terrible at video games in general. In this list, we’ll go through these reasons. If you fit 4 out of 10 of these reasons, it’s best if you lay down the controller, or if you still want to play video games go and buy Lego Star Wars. Unless you like embarrassing yourself, it would not be good to admit to anyone else that you suffer from one of these reasons below.

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The 51st Annual Wizzies

Written by Sage 76 Comments
Last Updated:: February 23, 2009

Last night was the biggest, most watched, and arguably the most important awards show in the country. I speak of course of the Wizzies, presented by the infamous Old-Wizard.com. Much like the way the Golden Globes predict the Oscars; the Oscars are said to predict the Wizzies. The evening started with a star studded red carpet event, where everyone from poet laureate Maya Angelou, who later gave the invocation address, to Mickey Rourke, who presented the award for best website, was in attendance. It was a variable who’s who of actors, intellects, and important politicians. After everyone filed in and took their seats, the invocation was given and Oasis played the national anthem, which was the first time that a foreign band has ever played our national song at the Wizzies. This year’s event was action packed, including a fist fight between the staff members of OW, and a rather tear full ode delivered by Nelson Mandela. Unlike in years past, O-W cleaned up this year, winning a number of the Wizzies in categories ranging from best performance in a drama to the most environmentally destructive industrial paper clip producer. Here were the highlights:

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Top 10 Games for the Playstation 3

Written by Zeromage 88 Comments
Last Updated:: February 23, 2009

As most of the readers of Old-Wizard know, we prefer the Nintendo Wii to the Playstation 3 (To see the reasons why we like it better, check our Top 10 Reasons the Wii has Dominated the PS3 List). And while we do think that for the most part the Nintendo Wii is the more innovative console, and on average has much better games (you can see our favorites on our Top 10 Games for the Wii List), that doesn’t mean that every now and again there isn’t a diamond in the rough. Especially considering that the PS3 has hundreds of games to chose from. So although the Wii is our favorite seventh generation console, between the three of us here at O-W, we probably own every video game console ever made (even the Sega Genesis), and we play all of them from time to time. With that being said, the Playstation 3 does have some good games, and in this next list we’ll show you which games we like the most.

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Top 10 Most Underrated Bands

Written by destructomaximo 80 Comments
Last Updated:: February 18, 2009

There are so many great bands, past and present, who never quite get the recognition they deserve. Some attain moderate success in the underground or blogosphere, but just can’t crack the mainstream. Thanks to the digital music revolution, I’m sure you have all heard of at least a few of these bands. A lot of the music here is familiar, but because of a band’s “scene” or preconceived notions they have been massively neglected by the populous. I love music, and could write about crap I like/write every day, but reading about unknown bands (or bands whose names conjure grimaces) can be painful. It hurts to learn. I am prepared to be berated by negative comments, but I ask this: After you anonymously slam this list, PLEASE include your own top 10 underrated bands list so I (we) can all see what we are missing. Consider this list the first comment, I guess.

Later, DM.

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Top 10 Reasons Old-Wizard Sucks

Written by destructomaximo 72 Comments
Last Updated:: February 9, 2009

‘Sup A-Holes? Every day, through several channels, we are told how much you hate our little corner of the interbutts. We are reminded daily that we are the electronic dingleberry of the world wide web. We are the digital pimple on the pixilated face of the gaming culture. I have to say, we really don’t mind the rampant farting in our general directions; in fact, we bask in its stank. However, just to let you Klingons know we hear you, here are the top 10 reasons OW sucks the big one.

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Top 10 Most Overrated Video Game Franchises

Written by Zeromage 380 Comments
Last Updated:: February 8, 2009

If there are two ways to get people riled up on the internet, one is to question their religious or political beliefs, and the other way is to make fun of their favorite video games. You see that your favorite game franchise of all time is listed on Old-Wizard’s most overrated video game franchises? Surely it can’t be! You know us though, we have a knack for knocking down the typical things people enjoy. In this list, we tried to think of video game franchises that just plain piss us off because everyone else loves them and we think that they’re total ass. Going into our thinking process when considering these overrated video game franchises were their lack of creativity and a lack of entertainment that they possessed, as well as the fading quality of each subsequent game in the series. We don’t think that these next ten video game franchises are necessarily bad, but we also don’t think that they deserve the critical acclaim that they’ve received either.

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Top 10 Video Game Franchises

Written by Zeromage 74 Comments
Last Updated:: February 5, 2009

There have been some video games that have been so popular that they were not only made into a series, but into a whole catalog of games, becoming a franchise. These franchise games would be released on every new system released by console developers. With a new Nintendo console would come a new Mario, Zelda, and Metroid. With a new Playstation console would come a new Final Fantasy and Street Fighter. These games were the backbone of these new systems because of how popular the preceding games were in the series. In this list we highlight what are the top 10 greatest franchises of all time in video game history. We were pulling no tricks with this list, but just knowing what the most popular franchises were by understanding how many games have been released for each. These franchises have created some of the most timeless games of all time for the video game medium.

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Top 10 Music Videos

Written by Zeromage 20 Comments
Last Updated:: February 4, 2009

The music video medium has swept music into a completely different form. Music was first intended for the ears. Combining the visual with the auditory reflected one of the biggest transitions for art in western society. With the popularity of the visual medium was the difficulty in being able to separate the visual from the audio, and often the audio would gain greater status because of the visual, when often not warranted on the music alone. While this has been the case for many bands and many fans of those bands, this is not to say that there has been creativity and nuance in the music video that has enhanced the musical experience rather than work as a crutch for it. In this list, we will account for these greatest videos as signatures of the possibilities in the medium. Believe us when we say that these are definite diamonds in the rough.

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Top 100 Video Games

Written by Zeromage 226 Comments
Last Updated:: February 1, 2009

What’s happening? What’s going on? Is this some sort of sick game? The answer to all of these questions is: YES BEOTCH. We’ve held out this long to weed out the suckers and prune our rose bushes. It’s hard for us to believe we’ve actually done it, the top 100 video games of all time list. We’ve separated ourselves from the pack by freely admitting that the only science behind this list is our cumulative gigantic brain. You’ve read the sales charts, you’ve formed your own opinions, now you are ready for the truth…the OLD-WIZARD TRUTH. If you don’t like the list, yell at us and we’ll undoubtedly yell back. So without any further ado: The Top 100 Video Games of All Time Ever in the Universe List!!!

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