Old-Wizard.com - Part 25

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Mario Pary 4 : Domination Mini-Game

Written by bug No Comments
Last Updated:: November 28, 2007

Mini games. Mini games were the name of the game in Super Mario Party 4 for the Nintendo Gamecube. Wandering through the digital world of psychedelic Japanese programmers, we were sent off onto little detours. Forced to play games that had nothing to do with our main goal: beating the full game. Most of the time these so called mini games were just a pain in the ass, but we came across one that was just completely pointless. It goes by the name of Domination. It was the one where you faced a never ending line of stone figures, shaped and stacked like domino’s. The only point of this mini game was to smash the A button on your controller as fast as you possibly could in a certain time period, and then it would knock down the corresponding amount of stone domino’s. Highest count of downed stone domino’s wins.

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Comic Book Review: World War Hulk Issue #5

Written by Zeromage 7 Comments
Last Updated:: November 17, 2007

The first thing I noticed about World War Hulk #5 was how terrible the artwork was. This is perhaps the worst Romita art I’ve ever seen. It was sloppy and inexorably sketchy. Not only was the artwork irritating, but the storyline was abominable too. The issue opens up with Mr. Fantastic on his way to killing Iron Man (Tony Stark) thanks to the Hulk’s obedience disk, and then seemingly without cause, the Hulk deciding to spare them, with Mr. Fantastic’s mace hitting the ground beside Tony’s head. So he decides not to kill the Illuminati after all, which was okay, but then why the hell did he give a thumbs down at the end of issue #4? Did he get confused about the signal? Was he planning on laughing at the expressions on their faces? In any event, when Rick Jones takes this as a sign that he was right and the Hulk wasn’t a killer, the Hulk responds by saying that although no one on Earth died at the hands of Warbound or himself, he plans on destroying New York City and leaving the Illuminati to their shame. Remind me how were the Illuminati wrong again to send the Hulk into space?

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Ding! Fries are Done!!

Written by Zeromage No Comments
Last Updated:: November 15, 2007

It is getting close to Christmas. Yes, its hard to believe, but December is already upon us. I along with many people have these rules in place where I won’t think about the “holidays” until after Thanksgiving. Its a common standpoint. Lots of people think that way.

Now, I love Christmas. I love getting gifts for people and scheming over stupid gift ideas that are as much a gift as they are an expression of my creative ways. So last year when everyone got a gift that had something to do with Dragons….yeah, that was planned. It also worked. Friggin’ brilliant. I also love the spirit of Xmas. I feel nicer to people. I want to sing more. I even hug my brother instead of punch him. I punch my grandma instead. I think its the music that gets me most festive. Alright already!

So I have some Christmas music, but I didn’t want to listen to it until after thanksgiving. However, I love the Xmas season….so I was torn. My stupid life rule vs a good happy feeling.

So I listened to some Xmas music. It was nice. Trans-Siberian Orchestra playing Christmas carols. I don’t know how they are sort of Siberian, but they are. Trans-sexual. I’m a trans-civil engineer. trans-continental divide. Trans-fur. Anyway, so I have started my jolly Christmas season early. I listened and I liked. I listened again with my sister and she called me a freak. Come see the bells! She is just having problems coping with listening to this festive music so soon. Her life rules are being broken too and its hard to come to terms. I wouldn’t mention this to her.

I’m not going to give anyone advice. Its just not my way. Plus, I don’t know shit. But here’s my advice: if you like that warm fuzzy Christmas feeling, that same feeling you get when a stranger’s hand touches your naughty bits, then you should listen to some Christmas carols.
The Phone Call

Written by Zeromage 1 Comment
Last Updated:: November 14, 2007

Last night, I received a phone call at approximately 7:21pm. It was most disturbing. I missed the call, but the good ole caller ID came through and saved the number. I’m sure your wondering what was so disturbing about a phone call that I missed, so I’ll tell you. I should give warning though that the weak of heart probably shouldn’t read on. I looked at the number that called hoping it was some hot chick and this is what I saw instead:

0000123456

Yes. I kid you not. I almost personally wet myself. I laughed a hysterical crazy man’s laugh because I thought I was going to die. I called the number back and it told me the Nextel person I’m trying to call is not available. I also had a nightmare about it too. Anyway, thats my story. Anyone else get funky shit like this?
Online Gaming

Written by Zeromage No Comments
Last Updated:: November 7, 2007

Online gaming is so fucking gay. You’re playing against a bunch of 12 year olds that haven’t managed to grow a decent bit of peach fuzz on their nuts and run around screaming shooting at rocks. Tactical shit is sweet when you get to do it, but you can’t be playing with dumb ass morons. In an every man for themselves game, kill kill kill works fine, but after stroking myself while looking at my kill count, I find I would rather play a few intelligent people and do something cinematic and tricky.

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Classic Video Game Review: Pac-Man

Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
Last Updated:: November 7, 2007

Over the course of my quasi-centurion life I have dabbled with various substances to no true good effect. My brain being semi-addled as it is, it still doesn’t help me answer the question: “What the hell is Pac-man?” Off the bat you are playing as a 2-D profile of the Wal-Mart smiley, traveling through a darkened labyrinth consuming balls while being chased by four coloured specters. As if that wasn’t trippy enough the specters each have different names. Despite the flashback-inducing imagery, the game is highly addictive. There is a certain thrill in evading ghosts and a merciless retribution found when it comes to eating them. Hours can be spent challenging yourself to attain high scores and greater level achievements. Can you pass though the ghosts around this corner? Can you evade the Blinky and Pinky trap?

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Death of a Gaming Store

Written by Zeromage No Comments
Last Updated:: November 5, 2007

Doth thoughest knowest of thine Dragons Lair in yonder West Hartford? For many a fine yeareth, the writers of Old-Wizard hath gone to thine Dragon’s Lair for gaming supplies and found both supplies and stinkiness. Now those days are over as the Dragon’s Lair is empty with no Dragons or treasures. However the stink remains. All the halls are filled with its foul reek. Farewell to you gaming store we’ve been thrown out of, loved and hated for so long. Why you closed, we are uncertain, although our hearts will be forever open to your return. Plus it will save us gas by not having to drive so far for commons. Adieu.
Movie Review: The Fantastic 4 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Written by Zeromage No Comments
Last Updated:: November 3, 2007

Walking into the movie theater having seen the trailer for The Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer about 30 times, I was as giddy as a school boy. My anticipation for this movie had slowly grown to epic proportions ever since I first found out the surfer would be in a live action feature film. I re-read all my Silver Surfer comics, spent hours trying to unlock the surfer in Marvel Ultimate Alliance for Xbox, and I even broke out my Silver Surfer action figure in numerous staged battles between him and Beta Ray Bill on my living room floor.

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Monster Neverwinter Nights Update

Written by Zeromage No Comments
Last Updated:: November 3, 2007

There’s a new update with a plethora of new monsters, placable scenery, two new tilesets and scripts! Now you can take your adventures into a tropical paradise or a sultry underwater cave. The content is from the latest module “Pirates of the Sword Coast” which allows you to become a feared and fabled pirate, like Johnny Dep. Pirates are all the rage nowadays. No one cares about ninjas anymore. You can download the updates here: http://nwn.bioware.com/players/167/ or you can return to that flea-nest you call home here: www.yahoo.com.
Oink is Dead

Written by bug 1 Comment
Last Updated:: October 23, 2007

Today marks a sad day in the realm of digital music and file sharing. What was first started as oink.co.uk and more recently transferred to oink.cd, was the cozy little corner of the internet with a nice music sharing community. Users were able to upload full albums to the site and share their beloved musical jewels with other users. As long as users kept their sharing ratio at a decent level, everybody was allowed to take and give music or other files as they wished. We have caught news that today the owners of oink.cd got their servers raided in Amsterdam, and the site has been completely shut down. The greedy music giants have shut down a perfect utopia of people who have enjoyed and shared their music for years and years. When will the music battle finally end? When will we be back to full album sharing over a digital medium? This was a breakthrough service, which united people on a common ground, and has been devastated instantly, with no warning or remorse.