Our Rating System

A subject of much scrutiny and debate is the rating system used here at “our website”. While having fancy degrees and doctorates may be almost useful in the real world, as far as gaming goes, they’re useless. That’s why we have developed a rating system based on the six-sided die.

In most games, the arbitrary roll of a six on a six-sided die is typically the best, balls, bombdiggity etc. With such roll you may win, kill, save, disintegrate, obtain bragging rights, etc against some foe, monster, n00b, loser, etc. A one on the other hand is bad. You don’t want to roll ones. It’s advised to try to avoid rolling ones. (Note: doesn’t apply to all games and we know which ones; we’re gamers.)

As far as ratings go: Six is the best, one is the worst with the other four numbers falling in between in the usual order. Because we review and rate so many different types of gaming/media, its difficult to say what we look for when determining a rating and not all criteria apply. We can’t rate a movie based on its text or usefulness in game terms. Here is a rough break down of the numbers by the die:

Simply put a great thing. Its artwork is exceptional. Its text is on par with Tolkien. It’s captivating and keeps your attention throughout. Well-thought out by the people who made it.

The best description for a five would be like a magic card that is a good card on its own, but when used in combo, its devastating.

Games rated four are above satisfactory, but there are better games/cards/units to choose from. Its like playing TimeSplitters 3: Future Perfect, when you know you could be playing Halo 2. Its fun and all, but after a few hours the idiotic nature of the computer AI is going to really piss you off. Still, a four is a good thing to try out and could very well be a game-breaker or bring you hours of fun.

A three is the midpoint of what’s out there. Threes fill out the ranks of modern society. These are your n00bs waiting to be pwned. Not everyone was created equal and not all books are best sellers. Some people will enjoy threes, but generally, you’ll overlook a three like Jessica Alba would if she saw you in the mall.

A two has few redeeming qualities. It may be the coolest model but with stats that keep it permanently benched. Its something that you take pity on and use every now and again because there’s one tiny part of the whole that you like and can’t let go of. Sometimes it a side-scroller game where you play one off-beat racing level every once and a while because the level was great, but the rest of the game was a train wreck.

Ones are the bottom of the dung heap. They have little to no redeeming qualities about them. Often ones leave you wondering if the developers tried to test their product before trying to hoodwink the masses into buying it. A one is something where you don’t even care that you paid money for the item, but instead want a refund for the time you spent trying to use the misshapen thing. Getting beat up is better than a one.

That’s the long and short of our rating system. Like any rating system, this is our opinion and you don’t have to agree with it. I don’t agree with Ebert and his cynical movie ratings. You don’t have to agree with me. I don’t have to agree with the other editors, or you. If you don’t like it, let us know, or don’t read it.