• Mail Bag: August 14th, 2008

  

  Written by Zeromage 26 Comments
  Last Updated:: August 14, 2008

  This week we reply to a couple of readers who took our Investigative Report from earlier this week a little too seriously…

  Gamer Muzz writes:

  your In depth report says that Jumpman is a plumber. Now, we all know that later they named him Mario and said he’s a plumber. But Jumpman was originally a carpenter. I didn’t get much further than that before I decided to go read something with a little more substance….

  As soon as I got a little further and realized what it was and that it had no substance I decided it wasn’t worth my time. Fact is, I take NOTHING you write seriously. You have no credibility or Journalistic integrity. So what would make you think otherwise? LOL

  Dear Mr. Muzz,

  Thank you for being so much more awesome than we are. You, sir are in fact, so awesome and so intelligent that you saw right through our shoddy journalistic skills and poor research ability. For a guy who takes nothing we write seriously you sure take what we write seriously. And thanks for capitalizing the word “nothing,” that made us realize that maybe we shouldn’t take ourselves seriously either. I mean if you, the gamer of all gamers, the guru of all guru’s, the very definition of journalistic integrity himself can’t take us seriously, should we expect the same from ourselves? Probably not. I have an idea; what if we write a completely ridiculous article that is so nonsensical, so sarcastic, and so non-serious that nobody could take us seriously at all, especially ourselves. In fact this article would be such a farce that one might call it comedy and most people reading would realize we were trying to make a joke. You know, take a serious topic and make it sound so far fetched that nobody would ever believe it. I know what we could do, we could write an article on violence in video games and then blame said violence on the least violent game we can think of like….. Donkey Kong! Nobody with even the semblance of intelligence would think an article like that would be serious. That would be perfect. Wait a second….

  Jon writes:

  You Cannot Blame Games FOR violence. . .

  Back In the early 1990’s When Desert Storm was going On They Interupted Chldren’s Cartoons for Coverage of the front lines. We’ll go back Further.

  !960’s Footage Streight From The battle fields of Vietnam where Sent streight to the TV sets, Could THAT have anything to do with Violence in Our Society?

  Lets GO back FURTHER, in the 1800’s Exicutions Where routinly Preformed in Fair like Atmospheres, Where PARENTS would Bring their kids to Witness the hangings. . . Probably did MORE to Fuck up American Youth watching a live exicution Than Playing some Grand theft Auto.

  We’re a Violent Society, Listen to Most Music, There’s Talk of Commiting Crimes, and Not Just Hip hop, metal, and Some Pop as well. And What anbput Movies? Name One top Gropssing Movie this summer That DIDN’T have Some form of Violence in it? But it’s easier to Blame Games So we’ll Keep it there, Don’t want to piss of Hollywood now do we? Or TV? name ONE Show, On prime time That dosen’t have some sort of Violence?. . . Bet ya Can’t.

  It’s Easier For people to Blame Games because they Feel They are “For Kids”, But The Kids Who Grew Up with them Are STILL playing. I Can go watch a rated R movie anytime I want, But I’d Rather “Play one” where MY decisions Determine the Outcome.

  Old Wizard, Think Before you write. I can Go back Further With Examples That COULD be considered MUCH worst than Vido games as far as Violence WE CONDONE for youth, Yet YOU wanna Pick on Games ?

  You, sir are an idiot. I normally like to be a little more subtle with my insults, like with Mr. Muzz above, but you are so dumb that I am shocked you were actually able to write this article. Of course violence is not caused by video games. That was the point of the article, it was a joke, get it? I really really thought that we made that article a sufficiently sarcastic and stupid that nobody under the Sun could possibly think we were serious. Then there is you. You missed the point by so much that I can’t even think of something witty to say about how far off the point you are. Just so we don’t get anymore of this type of email let me be very clear; we don’t think that violence is even remotely caused by video games. To drive this point home we decided to write an article of satire if you will about the subject. Let me re-iterate that you are stupid, an idiot, a moron, useless, and so on.

26 Comments

1. #1 Slacker and The Man says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:15 am

   Some people just don’t get it, and they never will. But we say keep up the good work, it makes our job easier :p
2. #2 George says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:52 am

   My god, some people have no ability do detect sarcasm.
3. #3 sonic's evil twin says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am

   they both have a point
4. #4 Jerry says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 12:39 pm

   that second email was funny. Has that guy ever heard of a spell check. I guess that goes to show how dumb you have to be to take that “report” seriously. I think you guys are hilarious. Great site!
5. #5 Wild Bill says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:43 pm

   That was some funny shit.
6. #6 Nick says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:48 pm

   I just read that “investigative report.” If those people really think that you guys were serious in that article then I am going to start losing all of my faith in humanity. Do they really think that there was Plumber on GORILLA violence following the release of Donkey Kong? Please! Also who cares if Jumpman was a carpenter? Get that stick out of your ass dude.

   Anyway, keep up the good work guys. I love your site.
7. #7 Pingfa says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:51 pm

   Wait, you mean the war between gorilla and plumber NEVER HAPPENED!? :-O

   I actually found this one funnier than the article. Jon had put so much effort into his post but had clearly skipped the step where common sense comes into play.
   Ironically, if he took his own advice and THOUGHT before he wrote, this whole thing could have been avoided.
   See what happens when people take common sense for granted?

   That being said, there has been an increase in gorilla violence towards plumbers since Donkey Kong.
8. #8 razio says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:12 pm

   fuck this stupid lame ass site, dont be mad cause
   noone likes you OW loser
9. #9 Adam says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

   You guys are awesome. I love it when you pwn n00bs.
10. #10 Mike says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    Pingfa is right, this was funnier than the actual article.
11. #11 Frank the Tank says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    That second email looks like it was written by a special needs kid.
12. #12 Ryan Rigney says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Haha good stuff. Yeah sometimes i’m embarassed to admit that I like video games, because so much of the community is a bunch of spazzes like that.
13. #13 Corey says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    This was entertaining. I thought the second email was especially stupid. I like how he capitalized totally random words for no apparent reason.
14. #14 Joe says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    Old-Wizard.com you have sunk to a new low…Making fun of the mentally handicapped.
15. #15 PHill says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    muzz is the biggest poser ever.
16. #16 PHill says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    muzz cant even get his shitty store to thrive so he spamms the interwebs thinking hes the guru of gaming when he hasnt been right about anything once so ever.
17. #17 PHill says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    back in sept 07, muzz claimed HDDVD was going to win over blu ray because transformers was on HDDVD. haha what a tool
18. #18 The Bill says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    It seems like PHill has a secret crush on Muzz.
19. #19 Gamer Muzz says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    HA HA HA HA!!!
    Thats funny…My store cant thrive? yet I’m doing a great business! LOL
    Been doing it for 9 years now (almost 10)and make a pretty good living…so…yeah.

    Phill is obviously a Moron with an axe to grind with me.
    Probably some sad little dimwit that I pissed off.

    Sounds like Phill is another one of those Coward trolls who doesn’t know shit.
    I put myself right out there Phill.
    Everyone knows who I am, what I do, Where I am, ETC.
    You’re a scared little bitch. LOL
    So, Who really cares what you have to say?
20. #20 Gamer Muzz says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    BTW, I NEVER said HDDVD would win. I did say however, that I thought it was the better format. (I still think that)
    But whats that matter? LOL
    Moot Point Phill. Meaningless.
21. #21 Gamer Muzz says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Whats really funny is that no one here Understands what I wrote.

    Folks, if you pay attention you’ll see that Gamer Muzz Didn’t say anything about violence in video games. I’m sure that everyone knows that Violence between gorillas and Plumbers is not a real problem.

    What I said was that Jumpman was a carpenter, not a plumber.
    so the entire article whether written satirically or not is completely flawed.
    It’s just a simple example of OW’s lack of classic gaming knowledge.
    I then went on to say the lame article in itself was without substance and not worth reading.

    I won’t flatter you all enough to think that you Get it now. LOL
22. #22 Knight says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    I think Gamer Muzz and Jon are the same retard. They both capitalize randomly with no real pattern. Let’s break down his latest post:

    “Whats really funny is that no one here Understands what I wrote.”

    ^ For no apparent reason “Understand” is capitalized here.

    “I’m sure that everyone knows that Violence between gorillas and Plumbers is not a real problem.”

    ^ Again, for some reason in this sentence “Violence” and “Plumbers” are capitalized.

    “I won’t flatter you all enough to think that you Get it now. LOL”

    ^And in this one “Get” is capitalized.

    This is the same thing Jon does. Either they are the same person, or two retarded twelve year olds who think they know everything about video games just randomly have the same typing disorder.
23. #23 DM says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Johnny Muzz should read the next mail bag.
24. #24 Jade says:
    November 20th, 2009 at 12:39 am

    Theres some major ass kissing on these here comments. Keep deletin’ the opposition’s opinions, you’re winning!
    (OW=weak/phail/lose) Suck on THAT sarcasm…