• How about I slash you with a knife!!!

  

  Written by Zeromage 1 Comment
  Last Updated:: May 12, 2008

  Yesterday I am at the old supermarket in Berlin right after work. I was picking up some frozen pizzas for a little din din…if you know what I mean. Let me back track…its my fookin’ blog….really I can do anything I want! So at 2pm on the same day I visited the grocery store, I drank a mountain dew live wire. It’s simply a mountain dew that tastes like orange. But it was a 20oz. bottle and that stuff went straight to my crankcase(head)!!

  I was feeling really jolly. I was laughing in the office, making jokes, listening to co-workers stories with more enthusiasm than normal, etc. I can’t stress how I was feeling really fookin good. All right, back to the grocery store. So I get my frozen pizzas and an avocado or two and go to the cashier. My cashier is this grumpy lady and I try crackin’ a joke to her thinking that she would laugh. I felt great, why shouldn’t she!? She didn’t find me humorous. Oh well. I look and to my amazement there is this tiny girl bagging my groceries. I was shocked. She seemed a cute little girl and I thought maybe it’s the cashier’s daughter and they let her bring her daughter to work because of school vacation or some thing like that. They even gave the girl a Stop and Shop shirt and a name badge. I was shocked and merry. So I turn to the little girl and I was going to say “Hey aren’t you kind of small to be working here?”

  What I actually said was “Hey aren’t you kind of small…” then I stopped. I stopped because the little girl looked me in the eye and I realized that there was an intelligence in those eyes that said she wasn’t a little girl.
  She said “excuse me?” in a voice that didn’t fit the body.

  To my horror she was a midget…a little person….a small person..someone whose growth had been stunted by the unbiased will of nature. She wasn’t a dwarf or all out of proportion though. She was like a gnome. Short and fair just old. She did need some electrolysis work though. In truth she was probably older than me, but who can tell a dwarf’s age really? I’m no expert that’s for sure. I suppose you could chop them open and count the number of rings that make up their thigh to get a rough count like a tree, but who knows for certain?

  I said “I’m sorry” and I started pointing at the cashier and her and trying to signal to her that I thought it was a daughter thing, but I couldn’t speak because I was shocked. She just stared at me from down there with her beady, malcontent eyes. I took my change from the cashier and grabbed my groceries, repeatedly saying “I’m sorry”, as I ran to all the way to my car.

  I can now never go to that grocery store for the next year…by choice of course.

  -Zeromage

1 Comment

1. #1 gnome says:
   March 16th, 2010 at 9:12 am

   Awkward, eh? Still, didn’t now you were lucky enough to stay in Berlin. It’s the most livable city in the world you know, and that club near Rosa Luxembourg Platz… Ah, the sheer delight of punk…