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  • Mail Bag: October 1, 2008

    old-wizard.com
    Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
    Last Updated:: October 1, 2008

    It seems like every week we receive an email from an outraged Sega fan who writes to us from a different email address with the same horrible grammar, and same bullet point format, claiming he likes our site but doesn’t understand our hatred for Sega. We’re pretty sure this Sega fanboy is SonicMan0 (Old-Wizard fans may remember him as the kid who made the three Youtube video rants about us, and who we reported on in our very first investigative report, when we found out he never even owned a Genesis). Anyway, in order to get him to stop emailing, we decided to reply to two of his emails.

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    • Top 5 Reasons the Olive Garden is Better Than Any Restaurant in Italy

      old-wizard.com
      Written by Zeromage 23 Comments
      Last Updated:: September 14, 2008

      17_olive_garden_138702.JPGIn this article we will go through the reasons why The Olive Garden dominates restaurants in Italy. The Old-Wizard crew have been voyagers for the past five years and we have visited places as far off as New Zealand and Amsterdam. Of course, Rome and Milan are on our map of places that we have visited. Something peculiar happened to us when we visited the famous restaurants in the great cities of Italy though. We realized how much better the American Italian Olive Garden experience was over all these restaurants. How could this be? We heard from every Italian under the sun how the food in Italy is so much better than any of the bad excuses for Italian food in America. In this list, we unfortunately have to smash those dreams by seeing how Olive Garden dominated these restaurants.

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      • Old-Wizard Officially Endorses Gene Amondson for President in 2008!

        old-wizard.com
        Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
        Last Updated:: September 7, 2008

        asset_small.jpgAs many of our fans know, we here at OW are ardent prohibition activists. Why you ask? Mainly because Old-wizard.com is founded on old rum running and bootlegging money. And to be honest we miss the good ‘ole days of speak easyies, tommy guns, and fake pet stores. We have our bath tubs ready, and our distillers sanitized, we just need a man that’s insane enough to run on a prohibition platform.

        Enter Gene Amondson. This man is nuts, and by nuts we mean completely insane. If its one thing the U.S. needs its another expensive drug war, you know, because the other ones are going so well. I mean its impossible to buy illegal substances in this country…. right? Besides that we all know how well the government does when it stands up to big business. I mean destroying a multi-billion dollar industry that provides millions of jobs all over the country won’t negatively effect our economy at all and since the economy is doing so well right now, now is definitely the time to remove more jobs from the hard working American public. Besides all of these well thought out reasons, let’s face it, after you turned 21, drinking just wasn’t as much fun. You know you miss the high school house parties, bon fires in the middle of the woods, and sneaking around your parents. With Gene at the wheel these times will never end.

        For these reasons we think that Gene Amondson would be the best pick for the next president. He’s a chainsaw wielding, death costume wearing, wine not drinking, priest from the back woods of Washington state. The breeding ground of great leaders. It’s time to bring back bootlegging! It’s time to bring back rum running! Its time for Prohibition! Its time for Gene Amondson!

        P.S. We would have endorsed Obama but the stupid NY times beat us too it. Bastards!

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