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• New Super Mario Brothers Wii Review

  

  Written by Sage 87 Comments
  Last Updated:: January 5, 2010

  It’s been a busy year for OW. As many of our fans know we are very important people in the gaming industry. We know all the movers and all the shakers and when OW speaks the gaming industry listens. Not too many years ago we had to pull our support of Sega over an incident at E3. The details don’t really matter but we tried to pick up the check, a fight broke out, some small Japanese men got beat up, and we decided that Sega was a terrible company. Since then Sega has been in a steady downward spiral. Also, not to brag or anything, but it’s well known that we here at OW came up with the idea of Sonic the Hedgehog as a joke and a struggling game developer stole the idea for lack of anything better. Oh and one time we were at a strip club with the owners of Sony and Nintendo and gave them the ideas for the Playstation and the Wii simultaneously, but I’ll have to save that story for another day (it gets a bit raunchy, and as our fans know this is a family website). Needless to say, since then our consulting fees have skyrocketed.

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• Video Game Review: Left 4 Dead

  

  Written by Zeromage 32 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 18, 2008

  Valve releases Left 4 Dead with as much fanfare as any game before it. For the past couple of weeks all we keep hearing from our readers is “Review Left 4 Dead, review Left 4 Dead”. Well, we have played it, and we’re reviewing it now. Unfortunately for this game though, there wasn’t much to review as it replicated most of the modern day first person shooter video games that we’ve played so many times before. You’ve got guns, you’ve got zombies, and you’ve got dark rooms. Snore Fest even after playing through the first scenario.

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• Comic Book Review: Hulk #5

  

  Written by Zeromage 4 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 8, 2008

  Let me get right down to it, if Old-Wizard ever does a “Top 10 Worst Comic Books of All Time List” this issue will be the number one pick. Not since World War Hulk #5 has a comic book made me this angry (and no, I won’t make any bad “Don’t make me angry” jokes). But in all seriousness, Hulk #5 is a bad, bad comic.  The Red Hulk series has already treated the She-Hulk, Iron Man and even the Watcher like rag dolls who crumple under the awesome might of the Red Hulk. Now it’s Thor’s turn. This should have been a match-up for the ages. You have the Hulk, one version of him anyway, a beast with nearly limitless power doing battle with the nigh-invulnerable Norse god of thunder. Instead of making things interesting, or finally providing Red Hulk with a suitable opponent, Jeph Loeb allows his creation to trounce Thor for half the issue. Personally I hate villains whose only defining trait is the fact that they’re stronger than every other hero in the universe. You may think that I should stop whining that my precious Thor got his ass kicked, but this series is undermining the character’s place in the current Marvel Universe.  J. Michael Straczynski has spent a lot of time carefully reestablishing Thor as a complex, powerful figure. This new comic book throws all of Straczynski’ subtlety out the window and then kicks sand in his face for good measure.

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• Album Review: Oasis Dig Out Your Soul

  

  Written by Zeromage 27 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 26, 2008

  

  Plod rock gains a new meaning

  Oasis’s previous album “Don’t Believe the Truth” was a return to form of sorts for Oasis. Noel Gallagher’s impeccable songwriting was matched with a creativity missed since “Standing on the Shoulder of Giants”, even as this later album had its obvious missteps. With the new lineup firing on all cylinders with “Don’t Believe the Truth”, the Oasis fan was ready for the next album that would take them into a musical peak. We kept hearing about thousand piece orchestras layered over each other and grooves that resembled the best of Madchester circa 1990. The new songs were going to be reminiscent of “Columbia” off of their debut album “Definitely Maybe”. With Dig Out Your Soul, Oasis certainly hit a groove, unfortunately it’s a groove as dry and plodding as a rotting piece of wood. With Dig Out Your Soul, Oasis are on autopilot. This can be good for some bands, but definitely not for Oasis, who publicly and consistently pride themselves on antiquity. What Noel Gallagher fails to realize though, is that the justification for antiquity in music can become an antiquated notion itself. This is the sound of “Dig Out Your Soul”.

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• Classic Console Review: Super Nintendo

  

  Written by Zeromage 12 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 16, 2008

  Previously on our top 10 video game systems of all time, we rated the Super Nintendo as the greatest video game system of all time. We wanted to expand on this claim. Certainly, any system listed as the greatest of all time is afforded more than just a small blurb. In this review of the SNES, we will go back over some of the qualities expressed in that blurb and expand on what made the SNES so great. Nintendo’s movement from 8-bit to 16-bit was massive. Graphics improved, sound improved, character development improved, and the games improved most importantly. This was no small feat for the SNES as the NES was dominant in classic video games that are still played today. We will then recapture the glory of the SNES with the rest of this review and hope to reestablish the SNES rightful place as the greatest video game console of all time.

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• Classic Console Review: Nintendo Entertainment System

  

  Written by Zeromage 14 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 2, 2008

  Saying the Nintendo Entertainment System is the greatest video system of all time is not a difficult argument to make. Countless video gamers could make arguments on a variety of different levels to why this is. One of these arguments clearly has to do with how many classic games were released under the NES enterprise. One could simply look at all the greatest video games of all time lists that are out there to understand how many classic games were made for this ubiquitous system. Off the top of my head I can name Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Mike Tyson’s Punchout, Mega Man and Castlevania as some of the great games for the NES. All of these games had numerous sequels after them because of the outstanding success they won from their first NES versions.

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• Board Game Review: Candyland

  

  Written by bug 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 15, 2008

  Plumpy. Mr. Mint cutting down candy canes with a candy cane axe. Lord Licorice and the gingerbread house! Finally meeting Queen Frostine floating in the Ice Cream Sea before kneeling down to the all mighty King Kandy. Any of these fabled characters and places ring a bell? They sure do if you were tripping on acid and happened to wander through the psychedelic Candyland.

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• Video Game Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time

  

  Written by Zeromage No Comments
  Last Updated:: April 17, 2008

  In the early nineties, the only place to play Turtles in Time was in the plethora of bowling alleys spread across the nation, that is, until it was finally released on the SNES. The game stayed true to the arcade version, with its seemingly endless numbers of foot soldiers and those loveable mutated villains at the end of every stage. But playing this game as a kid, the coolest aspect was throwing your adversary to the TV screen. Genius. Game play starts at 3:00 in the morning in the Big Apple, where you battle atop a construction platform. You soon realize that pizzas are the only power up you have, and that only one box appears at a time, creating a every-man-for-himself race as you and your friend each attempt to stave off death by consuming the delicious Italian treat.

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• Classic Video Game Review: Super Mario Brothers (NES)

  

  Written by Zeromage 3 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 16, 2008

  Super Mario, a character more recognizable than Mickey Mouse. What can we possibly say about this classic game that hasn’t already been said a thousand times before? It was one of the first, and quite possibly still the best video game out there. It went places no one else had ever been to, and for the time period the graphics were spectacular. Let’s face it, before this game came out all we had was Atari. Nintendo managed to bring us a game with sound, graphics and goombas.

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• Video Game Review: Paper Mario

  

  Written by Zeromage No Comments
  Last Updated:: April 5, 2008

  Paper Mario for the N64 is one of the more colourful games that comes to mind when thinking of video games. It looked conspicuously different from most games in 2D and 3D format. Paper Mario was the successor to Mario RPG for the SNES which was a definite success in its own right. The game play and 3D style reminded you a lot of the original Mario 64. Let’s not forget the graphics though. This game was a site to be seen. The clarity and effulgent style went a long way for making the player excited to play this game. The dialogue between players was sophisticated and fun at the same time. Obviously, a Mario RPG is not going to have the seriousness and command of a “Squaresoft” RPG, but it had its own identity and entertainment value in a world where plumbers are heroes, and princesses like men with giant mustaches. The story line takes place as an actual book with its own chapters, expedient to its “dreamy”, effervescent quality. The game play was smooth and easy to learn, a palpable characteristic with all Mario games. Paper Mario serves as an incredible sequel to Mario RPG. It’s additions from the SNES predecessor to this N64 installment lose nothing in terms of creativity and enviability. This is not something that can be said about most sequels in a video game series.

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