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• Top 10 Movies of All Time

  

  Written by destructomaximo 129 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 30, 2009

  To be honest, I’m most comfortable when I’m writing about old NES titles and beer. Although I am a musician and I’ve studied music from classical to Jazz to rock to blues, the differing opinions on the matter make it tough to publish my opinions on it, you brats are brutal. Worst of all is writing about movies. I watch a LOT of movies…crap movies. I love 70’s kung-fu and 80’s slasher flics. I am not a film critic, I never studied the ins and outs of cinematography, and I sure as hell don’t consider my self an expert. You can understand my anxiety when Zero asked me if I’d pen a top 10 movies. The conversation went something like this (the following is slightly dramatized for effect): “WTF? Top ten movies based on what?” “Whatever you want.” “Whatever I want? That’s like trolling for angry nerds” “Whatever, man. You ARE an angry nerd” “So I’m starting an argument, this is an argument list.” “Is there any other kind of list?” “Right on…”

  So here you have it. DestructoMaximo’s top 10 movies of all time. Ever. Without question.

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• Top 10 Worst Movies Based on Video Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 324 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 3, 2009

  Movies are great, and so are video games. So it only makes sense that if you combine them together  the result will be greater, right? Well no, they usually suck and of all the video game movies it was difficult for us to narrow the list down to the absolute worst. All of these movies are terrible and the ones I actually saw in the theaters made me loathe the time and money spent with my feet glued to the sticky floor. I’ve always known that Hollywood doesn’t have enough intelligent people to write at least one original script, so they beg, borrow, and steal from everywhere possible. Unfortunately the brain trust over on the west coast often fails us and we get stuck footing the bill. This little list is OW’s revenge.  We hated these movies and hope you did as well.

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• Top 10 Songs of all Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 186 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 19, 2008

  The 10 greatest songs of all time. This was definitely one of our most difficult lists to make. With a subject that is considered as subjective as music, it’s hard to make any top 10 list about anything musical. We’re going for the gold though and listing what we think are the top 10 greatest songs of all time. We had a list of 50 songs and from those songs, and then narrowed it down to these top 10. What was left off this list was more than difficult to omit. Sometime in the future, we will have to expand this list to a top 50 and maybe even a top 100 to do justice to all the great songs that have passed over our ears in our lifetimes. We tried to be both objective and subjective when making this list. We couldn’t fill this list with a bunch of Rolling Stones and Oasis songs, nor could we simply put “Let it Be” as one of the greatest songs of all time. This list is both partial and impartial, if that is even possible. We will let the reader decide.

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• Top 10 Problems with Modern Movies

  

  Written by Zeromage 48 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 13, 2008

  It seems like every year movies are getting worse and worse. I used to go to the movies every week, and now I’m lucky if I go once a month. Not only are the movies today worse, but they cost more too. Since I make more money now than I did when I was a kid, I wouldn’t really care about spending a lot of money going to the movies, but it’s still hard to justify paying $10 to go and see Jumper. If you bring your wife or girlfriend with you, plan on spending over $40 (with popcorn and a soda) to see some shitty new movie. I wouldn’t mind if every new movie was as good as Dark Knight, but let’s face it, most new movies suck ass. You’re better off spending your $40 buying a full season of the X-Files on DVD. At least you’ll be entertained for a whole week, and you won’t have to sit next to some overweight guy who breathes really hard, or some little girl who sniffs every ten seconds while you’re watching them. So why do new movies suck? In this next list we’ll go through the top 10 problems with modern movies.

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• Top 5 Worst Van Damme Movies

  

  Written by Zeromage 14 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 12, 2008

  On the eve of Van Damme’s new movie where he plays himself in real life, we decided it would be fun to put together his five worst movies. Of course, the amount of bad movies that Van Damme was in are numerous. One could easily make a list of Van Damme’s worst movies and include every single one he’s ever made. However, there were some exceptionally bad movies where he was the protagonist that not only involved his poor acting, but poor screenplays to combine with the bad acting into some of the worst movies of all time. It’s been said that Van Damme’s new movie will be his best because he is actually acting like himself (meaning consistently losing banal action hero roles to Steven Seagal). If it is, he will at least have one movie under his belt that he could be proud of in his 20 some odd years of acting.

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• Top 10 Science Fiction Movies of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 25 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 30, 2008

  Are you tired of the same old Top Ten Sci-Fi movie lists that have 2001: Space Odyssey listed at number 1, and then leave off all of the Star Trek movies? Well so are we. We think 2001 sucks and decided to make our own list of the best science fiction movies ever, other critics opinions be damned. What’s so great about 2001 anyway? It puts me to sleep every time I try to watch it.  The movie had some cool special effects for its time, but only if you could keep your eyes open long enough to actually see them. They’re spaced out between a long meandering story where the most exciting thing that happens is a some monkeys going wild and a strange acid trip in outer space. And what the hell is going on during the last half hour of that movie anyway? Needless to say you won’t find any artsy movies like that on our list. Just the greats. Anyway, here’s our list. If you don’t like it, go check out Ebert’s.

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• Top 20 Star Wars Characters

  

  Written by Zeromage 32 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 12, 2008

  Anyone visiting Old-Wizard.com must know that the three original Star Wars movies are some of our favorite movies of all time. Our appreciation does not always end in satisfied acquiescence though, as debate quickly occurs about what the best movie in the series is. Another debate that manifests itself in our nerdy Star Wars discussions is who our favorite characters are in the series. You’ll know if someone is a true Star Wars nerd by the fact that they immediately choose a minor character as their favorite. Wedge and Lando are typically immediate responses from the authentic Star Wars nerd. No one would be caught dead actually saying that Luke was their favorite character for fear of being ostracized from the Star Wars community. It’s as if you weren’t aware of all the discrete information in the Star Wars series by picking someone so obvious. With this in mind, we thought it important to not write just a “Top 10 Star Wars characters” list, but a “Top 20″ list so we could do justice to the not so obvious choices that are often ironically overlooked. Without further ado, here is our Star Wars list for nerds and faux-nerds alike. (more…)

• Top 5 Worst Star Wars Characters

  

  Written by Zeromage 39 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 2, 2008

  The Star Wars series was full of some of our favorite movie characters of all time. In the near future, we will be releasing our favorite characters of all time from the series, but for now our focus will be on the worst ones. During the original trilogy it was rare for George Lucas to ever make a mistake in production, storyline, and character development. But since then he certainly HAS made his mistakes, mostly in the newly released episodes 1-3 which had more things wrong with them than great about them. To start with, there were characters in these episodes who were not only forgettable, but stultifyingly annoying. That Lucas ever thought these next characters could pass for the greatness of Star Wars lore makes no sense for the diehard fan of the series. That episodes 1-3 would become forgotten because of Lucas’s interpolations in these movies was a fate that would become certain after one watched episode 3. The superfluous nature of these next characters will be recognizable signifiers of a movie series gone wrong. The diehard Star Wars fan though will always have the crass demeanor of Han Solo to bring back memories of all the characters from the old series that they had come to love. Just look at all the action figures collected from the original series compared to those collected from the new series to understand the different degrees of affectation that the characters in each had. With this in mind, the difference between the character development in both was obvious and will be addressed in this list.

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• Movie Review: The Fantastic 4 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer

  

  Written by Zeromage No Comments
  Last Updated:: November 3, 2007

  Walking into the movie theater having seen the trailer for The Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer about 30 times, I was as giddy as a school boy. My anticipation for this movie had slowly grown to epic proportions ever since I first found out the surfer would be in a live action feature film. I re-read all my Silver Surfer comics, spent hours trying to unlock the surfer in Marvel Ultimate Alliance for Xbox, and I even broke out my Silver Surfer action figure in numerous staged battles between him and Beta Ray Bill on my living room floor.

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