» Games

• Board Game Review: Candyland

  

  Written by bug 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 15, 2008

  Plumpy. Mr. Mint cutting down candy canes with a candy cane axe. Lord Licorice and the gingerbread house! Finally meeting Queen Frostine floating in the Ice Cream Sea before kneeling down to the all mighty King Kandy. Any of these fabled characters and places ring a bell? They sure do if you were tripping on acid and happened to wander through the psychedelic Candyland.

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• Top 5 Worst Video Game Related Websites of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 136 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 4, 2008

  Video game websites, like most theme focused sites (e.g. music websites), are a dime a dozen. Everywhere you go, you can find an opinion on video games with an equal amount of bitterness and approval. Some of these websites though, are clearly in the opinion market for other reasons. Some have seen the success of other websites and blatantly copied these originals. Some have even designed multiple websites with contradicting opinions in order to start fake console wars. Some of the most shameful acts from video game related websites have come from those sites who have cowered to public opinion and advertising money by only giving positive reviews to certain video games. One can see with their own eyes how a review went from a 5.0 to a 9.0 after one week, and how after that week, there was an advertisement for the game right next to the new rating. While we certainly don’t want to sound sanctimonious with our video game website ethics, we do realize that there are limits. For one, once a video game has been rated and reviewed, its over and done, even if we disagree with it later. That’s the beauty of writing in the present; we can look back and see how much we agreed or disagreed with our opinions from the past. This hope for a more pure writing and reviewing style has been guided by all these next websites who copy, change, and cower to other outside forces. The lack of any substantial writing from these websites is a signifier to their other motivations.

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• Top 20 Worst Video Games of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 108 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 1, 2008

  What makes a worst video game of all time? Poor story lines, insane difficulty, controlling issues to the point of broken screens… all these contribute towards video games that you threw out your window in disgust of wasting 3 dollars in renting them. On this list we prudently considered what games made us break the most things, and made us ask ourselves “how the fuck was this game ever made?” There were some obvious immediate choices like “Shaq Fu” and “ET”, and there were also some more personal choices like “Fatal Fury” and “Elevator Action”. Old-Wizard brings you these top 20 worst games of all time in hopes that you never have to experience the inexorably abominable game play that we’ve had to experience in playing a game like “Three Stooges”, where what you thought would be 2 days of rented video game euphoria turned out to be hours of personal disgust, wondering how it was possible you could have rented a game so bad. However, if you are one of those people who like to play bad video games because they make you feel better about yourself and ebullient about your own small accomplishments in life, then these are the games to play. As an elementary programmer, you probably have a decent chance at creating a game better than “Muscle”, and this doesn’t feel too bad.
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• Top 10 Characters From Punch Out!

  

  Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 24, 2008

  Mike Tyson’s Punchout was one of the best games for the NES. It had great game play that was neither too complex nor too simple. The game’s duration was a perfect length, employing a simple password technology to start you off at the first fighter of a respective circuit. What really made Punchout so successful though, was all it’s well-designed and well-thought-out characters ranging from the drunk to the arrogant, to the flat out awfully skilled fighters. Each had their own charisma or lack there of. Each had their own mid-round parlance reflecting their own personalities that were guided by their various cultures. Super Punchout for the SNES would continue the tradition adding more color and graphic technology to all the fighters and even reinstating many of the fighters from Mike Tyson’s Punchout such as Bald Bull, Mr. Sandman, and the overly tan Super Macho Man. It was imperative for us at Old-Wizard to come up with the definitive “best of” list for the Punchout and Super Punchout characters combined. There were some fighters we left off that we wish we didn’t have to leave off like Mr. Sandman and 3 or 4 fighters from Super Punchout such as Nick Bruiser, Bob Charley, and Masked Muscle. But as with all lists, omissions are always necessary. Still, we are confident you will enjoy our picks, especially our number 1 pick.

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• Bo Jackson Tecmo Super Bowl Run

  

  Written by Zeromage 4 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 23, 2008

• Top 5 Worst Gaming Consoles of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 254 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 20, 2008

  The video game world has seen its fair share of poor systems that had no business being released in the first place. Some of these systems were created for getting something in time for a holiday. Others were carefully constructed, and failed for any number of reasons from poor games, to poor sound, to poor graphics, or to just plain bad ideas as we’ll see with the #5 entry specifically. Luckily, most of the video game world had always rebounded from its bad ideas, and created systems that were much more intuitive in the fun factor for the gamer. On this list then, we will highlight what we think are the worst systems of all time. As always, there will be those who disagree, especially with one of our entries. We expect a high amount of criticism and even some profanity from some of our choices, but we ask you to read the arguments and consider what is being said before flaming them to no end. We’re sure we’ll see a lot of your own “top 5 worst systems of all time” after this list. The systems that overlap between our lists may be cause for some agreement between us and the reader. But we’re pretty the sure the flames will be stronger. They always are.
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• Top 10 Gaming Consoles of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 114 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 19, 2008

  The home based video game system has been the greatest signifier for what a “nerd” is. What would a nerd be without home video game systems? From the next gen systems of today, to the video game systems of yesteryear which collect dust over time only to be undusted when the urge comes to replay Zelda 1 for Nintendo. The nerd who is usually considered to be socially inept because of his insistence in staying indoors playing video games all day doesn’t hit at the deeper reasons for the nerd’s disposition. The video game system for the nerd is a place to escape the banality of what consists of much of the real world, into dungeons with 8 horned dragons spewing fireballs at them. This phenomena is not because of social ineptness, but because of a want for a world with much more variety, and much more creativity. The nerd wants to go on epic adventures every day where the world is on the line and it is up to them and their friends to save it. As they are not offered this chance in the real world, they find their solace with the advent of the home gaming system revolution. These next systems are the best that the home video game platform has had to offer. Many memorable games have been titles for these systems, and this is the most important factor for us in choosing what the best video game systems have been.

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• Video Game Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time

  

  Written by Zeromage No Comments
  Last Updated:: April 17, 2008

  In the early nineties, the only place to play Turtles in Time was in the plethora of bowling alleys spread across the nation, that is, until it was finally released on the SNES. The game stayed true to the arcade version, with its seemingly endless numbers of foot soldiers and those loveable mutated villains at the end of every stage. But playing this game as a kid, the coolest aspect was throwing your adversary to the TV screen. Genius. Game play starts at 3:00 in the morning in the Big Apple, where you battle atop a construction platform. You soon realize that pizzas are the only power up you have, and that only one box appears at a time, creating a every-man-for-himself race as you and your friend each attempt to stave off death by consuming the delicious Italian treat.

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• Minesweeper…The Movie!

  

  Written by Zeromage 1 Comment
  Last Updated:: April 17, 2008

• Classic Video Game Review: Super Mario Brothers (NES)

  

  Written by Zeromage 3 Comments
  Last Updated:: April 16, 2008

  Super Mario, a character more recognizable than Mickey Mouse. What can we possibly say about this classic game that hasn’t already been said a thousand times before? It was one of the first, and quite possibly still the best video game out there. It went places no one else had ever been to, and for the time period the graphics were spectacular. Let’s face it, before this game came out all we had was Atari. Nintendo managed to bring us a game with sound, graphics and goombas.

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