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• Top 10 Swedish Songs of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 4 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 18, 2010

  As readers of OW know, we hold Swedish music in high regard, almost as highly as British music, which means to say far above Bob Dylan. In this list we will spread the love to the Swedes for all the amazing music we’ve been able to enjoy at their behest. Their natural inclination for the groove and pop production has made some of the most memorable music in the 2nd half of the 20th century. These next songs are all songs that could easily be #1 singles in any country. For various reasons though, they are rarely ever heard except for the non-disingenuous music listener who actually listens with their ears, hips and unconscious mind, rather than their conscious mind. There’s no overabundance of ideas in these songs, just undeniable songwriting.

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• Top 10 Video Game Endings

  

  Written by Zeromage 22 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 15, 2010

  The Video Game Ending. It’s what every gamer seeks when playing the game. Gamers spend hours trying to conquer a game just to be able to see the resolution of their whole adventure or lack thereof. Sometimes tragedy strikes in the ending of the game, alluding to a subsequent game in the series. Sometimes the ending of a game just plain sucks like the end of Ghost’s n’ Goblins. Bad endings can ruin the experience of a whole game, which we will cover in a future list. For now though, we’ll go through the games with the best endings video game history. Making the choices was hard, and objectivity in these cases is always treading the line of subjectivity. Nevertheless, these are the endings that stood out the most for us.

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• Top 10 Most Overrated Guitarists of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 60 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 11, 2010

  This list is just too easy. With how many people praise shitty guitarists, this list had to be made. OW is attacking specific guitarists in this list. First are guitar wankers who just go 100 miles an hour on the guitar trying to supplement their lack of phallic size. Second are boring ass blues men who would never not stop making this God damn boring shit. How the fuck could anyone not get bored of playing blues scales all their life? How the fuck could they not get bored of themselves? Other than this there’s just some purely overrated guitarists. This list could be a top 50 easily, and may be in the future. For now, it’s time to bury some of these overrated suckers into being appreciated by no one except old people who work at Guitar Center.

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• Top 10 Two Player Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 59 Comments
  Last Updated:: February 25, 2010

  Why play a 1 player game when you can play a 2 player game? Unfortunately, most of the best 2 player games are battle modes. Still, there is much fun to be had by beating up on a friend in a game when you’re not allowed to physically beat them up anymore in this day and age. This is not to say that there weren’t some amazing 2 player co-op games, but for better or worse, these games don’t strongly stand out when thinking about the best 2 player games. The ones that did stand out are certainly on this list for that reason. The main thrust of this article will be engaging the best battle mode 2 player games where controllers are smashed and friends TV’s are broken. These are the games that you devote your life to in order to beat your friend and claim your rightful place as the grand master of video game skill.

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• New Super Mario Brothers Wii Review

  

  Written by Sage 87 Comments
  Last Updated:: January 5, 2010

  It’s been a busy year for OW. As many of our fans know we are very important people in the gaming industry. We know all the movers and all the shakers and when OW speaks the gaming industry listens. Not too many years ago we had to pull our support of Sega over an incident at E3. The details don’t really matter but we tried to pick up the check, a fight broke out, some small Japanese men got beat up, and we decided that Sega was a terrible company. Since then Sega has been in a steady downward spiral. Also, not to brag or anything, but it’s well known that we here at OW came up with the idea of Sonic the Hedgehog as a joke and a struggling game developer stole the idea for lack of anything better. Oh and one time we were at a strip club with the owners of Sony and Nintendo and gave them the ideas for the Playstation and the Wii simultaneously, but I’ll have to save that story for another day (it gets a bit raunchy, and as our fans know this is a family website). Needless to say, since then our consulting fees have skyrocketed.

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• Top 5 Super Mario Brothers Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 50 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 2, 2009

  As everyone knows, Mario is Nintendo’s flagship franchise. This was the first game we at OW remember playing, and we were instantly addicted. Thus, for those who love to hate OW you can blame Mario because he is the reason we became the Sega hating, sarcastic, awesome, funny, handsome, great, …. anyway I digress. Though I can go on and on about how awesome this website is, we even made it to number one on this list we wrote about the best nerd websites. We didn’t ask for that recognition but it was welcome none-the-less. Anyway, back to Mario. The Mario Brothers franchise is constantly changing, unlike some franchises, which just have you running around in circles over and over again. I won’t say which game I’m referring to but it involves robots and animals, its basically a copy of Mario and it is very boring, not worth mentioning really. Mario on the other hand came out with something new and different each time, and each the game was a complete hit. I almost cried when I got Super Mario 3 for my birthday, that bright yellow package with Mario flying out of the package in his raccoon suit. Then there was Super Mario World which, at the time was even more awesome than Super Mario 3. This franchise is easily the most recognized face in the video game industry, and here are the top 5 Mario games.

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• Top 10 Most Re-Playable Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 109 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 22, 2009

  Those ever so important games. The games you could keep playing over and over until the break of dawn. The time, thought and programming that went into establishing a re-playable game is one of the hallmarks of a great gaming company. Sometimes games were made that were accidentally re-playable. A couple of those games are on this list, proving that sometimes the re-playability factor could happen out of nowhere. Try to add up the time you spent playing these next games and compare it to how much you lived your life. You’ll see that it had to have take up at least a small percent of your lifespan thus far. These games you can still play today, even though they’re all older games; the true test of the re-playability of a game.

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• Top 10 Ways To Tell if You’re Reading an Old-Wizard List

  

  Written by Sage 34 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 9, 2009

  OW sucks. Let’s be honest. Their articles are dull and uninspired. They write about the same things over and over again. They harp on the same ideas over and over again and they think they are so cool. In fact their articles are so boring that they have recently been popping up all over the internet, including on other people’s websites. It seems that OW has struck a chord with a few people and they feel we deserve to be quoted. But how can you tell if it’s an OW article or not? Well we have compiled some of the most common ways, according to some of our bigger fans. These are the folks who come back every week to leave us a comment, send us an email, or post about us in some random forum or another. According to the statistics, our fact checking kittens, and the chimp we just hired these are the best ways to know you are reading an OW list.

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• Top 10 Worst Video Games of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 133 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 1, 2009

  Most video games are stupid, especially games made by Sega for some reason. If you’re wondering, yes we are still barking up that same old tree. Anyway I digress. Before I get back to the intro to this our latest and greatest list there are a number of things that need to be addressed. First we never received any Venn diagrams of our Top 10 Worst Fanboys list as requested so hurry up, the t-shirts are still available. Second nobody has offered us vast sums of money so we can sell out, so break out those check books and get on it. Third and lastly, we have yet to receive any suitable applications of our new religion which we have just named OldWizardology. We very specifically said no losers and no poor people. Do not send us your tired huddle masses yearning to breath free, we want well rested small groups who yearn to give us money. That being said our lastest offering is an inspired list about the worst video games ever. These games were so terrible that we would be shocked to find out they actually covered their production costs. Was Shaq ever really that popular, does he really need a video game that isn’t based on basketball? And who would ever be inspired by the career of a paper boy so much that they create a whole game about it? Maybe someone should make a game about sweeping or perhaps sleeping. That might be as entertaining. On the other hand some games are just to terribly conceived that even we don’t know what to make of them or who would ever enjoy them. Here is what we here at OW think are the absolute worst games of all time. And yes there are some Nintendo games on there, you jerks.

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• Ask Old Wizard

  

  Written by Sage 40 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 28, 2009

  This week we answer some grammatically challenged questions from Nintendo Boy about Super Mario:

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