» Games

• Top 10 WWF Finishing Moves

  

  Written by Zeromage 7 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 5, 2009

  The Finishing move. The move to end the match most of the time (unless you were fighting either The Undertaker, Hogan, or The Ultimate Warrior). The finishing move defined the wrestler and the motley fans of the WWF. When you saw Hogan finish off his opponent with his apocryphal Leg Drop, you were jumping up and down out of your seat knowing that Hogan would retain the belt. When your favorite wrestler was in the sharpshooter, you were begging that he was near the ropes. Whatever finishing move it was, it accentuated the staged-wrestling format to new heights. It’s what everybody expected; it was the pay off. Is this the definitive Top 10 Finishing move lost on the internet? We think so.

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• Ask Old-Wizard: France

  

  Written by Sage 63 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 29, 2009

  Sage is back this week to answer some of our reader’s questions about France. That’s right, just when you thought Old-Wizard couldn’t get any more random, we do something like this.  The real question should really be “Why is anyone asking us anything about France anyway?” Oh well, since Sage has actually been there, we figured he should be the one to answer this random assortment of France-related questions.  Hope you enjoy:

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• Top 10 Most Re-Playable Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 100 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 22, 2009

  Those ever so important games. The games you could keep playing over and over until the break of dawn. The time, thought and programming that went into establishing a re-playable game is one of the hallmarks of a great gaming company. Sometimes games were made that were accidentally re-playable. A couple of those games are on this list, proving that sometimes the re-playability factor could happen out of nowhere. Try to add up the time you spent playing these next game and compare it to how much you lived your life. You’ll see that it had to have take up at least a small percent of your lifespan thus far. These games you can still play today, even though they’re all older games; the true test of the re-playability of a game.

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• Top 10 Overrated Songwriters

  

  Written by Zeromage 78 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 3, 2009

  Overrated Songwriters are a dime a dozen. Usually these songwriters are in a band that’s considered good (which means publicly covered in any way shape or form). These bands usually suck too because of the poor songwriter. Regardless, along with the band appearing as quality comes the harangues on why the songwriter is brilliant. The reasons for songwriting greatness is scarce when defined by any who goes off on these tangents. Relying on expressible gestures, these “music enthusiastic” appear more as monkeys than a more appropriate stoic gesture that conveys a tacit understanding of quality. These next songwriters are marks of men (and one female) who often arouse these identity masturbations. These songwriters are all generally considered as great songwriters, but a closer look at these songwriters will hopefully relegate the “music enthusiasts” gestures to the scrap heap.

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• Top 10 Ways To Tell if You’re Reading an Old-Wizard List

  

  Written by Sage 29 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 9, 2009

  OW sucks. Let’s be honest. Their articles are dull and uninspired. They write about the same things over and over again. They harp on the same ideas over and over again and they think they are so cool. In fact their articles are so boring that they have recently been popping up all over the internet including on other people’s websites. It seems that OW has struck a cord with a few people and they feel we deserve to be quoted. But how can you tell if it’s an OW article or not? Well we have compiled some of the most common ways according to some of our bigger fans. These are the folks who come back every week to leave us a comment, send us an email, or post about us in some random forum or another. According to the statistics, our fact checking kittens, and the chimp we just hired these are the best ways to know you are reading an OW list.

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• Top 10 Worst Video Games of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 122 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 1, 2009

  Most video games are stupid, especially games made by Sega for some reason. If you’re wondering, yes we are still barking up that same old tree. Anyway I digress. Before I get back to the intro to this our latest and greatest list there are a number of things that need to be addressed. First we never received any Venn diagrams of our Top 10 Worst Fanboys list as requested so hurry up, the t-shirts are still available. Second nobody has offered us vast sums of money so we can sell out, so break out those check books and get on it. Third and lastly, we have yet to receive any suitable applications of our new religion which we have just named OldWizardology. We very specifically said no losers and no poor people. Do not send us your tired huddle masses yearning to breath free, we want well rested small groups who yearn to give us money. That being said our lastest offering is an inspired list about the worst video games ever. These games were so terrible that we would be shocked to find out they actually covered their production costs. Was Shaq ever really that popular, does he really need a video game that isn’t based on basketball? And who would ever be inspired by the career of a paper boy so much that they create a whole game about it? Maybe someone should make a game about sweeping or perhaps sleeping. That might be as entertaining. On the other hand some games are just to terribly conceived that even we don’t know what to make of them or who would ever enjoy them. Here is what we here at OW think are the absolute worst games of all time. And yes there are some Nintendo games on there, you jerks.

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• Ask Old Wizard

  

  Written by Sage 38 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 28, 2009

  This week we answer some grammatically challenged questions from Nintendo Boy about Super Mario:

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• Top 10 Oasis Songs

  

  Written by Zeromage 76 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 25, 2009

  Making a best of Oasis list with only 10 of their songs on it is difficult for us here at Old-Wizard. A Top 100 would probably be difficult for us. We think every song they ever wrote was at least good. The proof is in the pudding. Look at this band’s b-sides and you will see the inordinate amount of quality songwriting possessed in the genius of Noel Gallagher. This attempt at putting together the top 10 Oasis songs should be seen as a preliminary attempt at an impossible task. Yes, this is how good we think Oasis are. You have a problem with that? Just make sure Be Here Now isn’t playing on the jukebox or you’ll be done.
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• OW Investigative Series: Violence in Video Games

  

  Written by Sage 11 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 21, 2009

  Part 4: Pokemon

  In recent centuries the world has been racked with animal on animal violence. You need not look further than Animal Planet, Discovery Channel, and sometimes History Channel (check local listings). Every where we look some animal is killing another animal. But why? Is it for food? Are the creatures pre-programed to hate each other? Or has gang warfare spilled over into the animal kingdom? Only recently, since man has evolved hunting and tracking capabilities, has human on animal violence escalated. Some people, so called ’scientists’, have postulated that these behaviors are what allowed human beings to become the dominate species on our planet. A quick look out the window, if you live in an urban area at least, shows you that yes there are a lot of humans everywhere. But why has modern man chosen to still attack, kill, capture, and even eat animals? Is it because proteins obtained from meat and poultry are essential to a healthy diet? Is it because a number of domesticated species would no longer be able to survive on their own without human intervention? Or is it because of the destructive influence a certain video game has had on the populace?  As we have shown in previous articles, all violence in society can be blamed on video games, so it only make sense that animal cruelty must also be the fault of video games.

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• Top 10 Worst Fanboys

  

  Written by Sage 1,555 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 5, 2009

  We here at OW like a lot of things. We also dislike a lot of things. In some cases the things we like and the things we don’t like overlap. For example we like the Dave Matthews Band but we dislike the average Dave Matthews fan. This could be pictured as a Venn diagram. Venn diagrams will be used a lot in this list so please take time to review the general concept. Another example is Pokemon, we hate Pokemon but enjoy a good Nintendo game. Once again a Venn diagram would very neatly describe this. In another unrelated matter, we here at OW, in our last list, mentioned that we wanted to sell out. However we haven’t received any offers that will prevent us from having to wake up and go to our jobs in the morning. So let’s step it up people! Also while I’m on it, we haven’t received any applications to join our religion that we’ve started. So again let’s step it up people! Finally the first person to send us a set of Venn diagrams describing this list wins a free OW t-shirt. So break out the pen and compass, some crayons, and your third grade math book and get to work.

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