10. Shawn Michaels

Shawn Michaels first started off in the queer tag team “The Rockers”. After high kicking Marty Genetti in the barbershop, he became his own man and took on all comers. He was a force to be reckoned with not only with the girls who swooned over him but with the wrestlers who would have to watch out for getting high kicked any time in the match. This devastating blow was like getting hit with an uppercut by Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson’s Punchout. Shawn Michaels turned back and forth from protagonist to heel numerous times showing his versatility in personality. He was a better heel than hero though; when girls loved him and guys hated him.

9. Rowdy Piper

Rowdy Piper was a firestorm. Whenever he hit the ring, the crowd would erupt. He was a solid wrestler, but his greatness came from his Scottish adrenaline when down in a fight. He would run in circles and then start smashing the fighter to his doom. He was a dirty fighter too. He would take people by the nostrils to the middle of the ring and then eye gouge them. He was a Scottish Street Brawler. His record was impeccable and he fought only the best wrestlers. He was always a great main card or mid card wrestler. Simple in suit but strong in heart, Rowdy Piper was one of the greatest.

8. Bret Hart

Bret Hart’s venture into the WWF was a slow one. He didn’t catch the crowd as immediately as the rest of the wrestlers on this list, but this is what made him so great. When his physical endurance was shown in the ring along with his wrestling prowess, he slowly gained the respect of his fellow wrestlers and fans in the WWF. He became know as the “excellence of execution” and delivered this excellent execution in matches against the best, from Yokozuna to Mr. Perfect. It was a great moment for wrestling when Bret Hart was able to put the sharp shooter on Yokozuna. Even the greatest beast couldn’t get out of the sharp shooter. If it weren’t for ring ropes, Bret Hart might be the greatest wrestler of all time.

7. Mr. Perfect

With a name like Mr. Perfect, how could he not be in the top 10 WWF wrestlers of all time? His name wasn’t just a gimmick though. He was the best pure wrestler in WWF history. Every move was executed to perfection; so much so that he had a manager named “The Genius” to further accentuate the his artistic quality in the ring. Mr.Perfect was involved in some of the greatest matches of all time, regardless of whether he lost or not. Forget the arrogant posture he brought the ring spitting out his gum and smacking it away with his hand or his overly-self-assured smirk upon entering the ring. He was a wrestler’s wrestler. He won and lost with grace. Every match he wrestled to perfection. Has there ever been a more perfect finishing move than the Perfect Plex? He was admired by everyone in the locker room where it mattered the most. A true professional, Mr. Perfect really was the perfect wrestler.

6. Ric Flair

Ric Flair never knew when to quit. He loved the sport too much. Just when you thought he was going to retire, he came back and fought with the ardor of a 20 year old. There are many memorable moments with Ric Flair. Most of all though was Royal Rumble 1991 where he won the rumble after coming in at the #3 spot. Looking back, how couldn’t we know he was going to win with Hennan losing his voice trying to prop up the fact that no one could ever win the rumble entering in as early as Ric Flair. He did it though, with poise and professionalism. He was a showman. He knew how to work the angle of being beat and tired. He knew how to drop face first like no one before or after. He was also a good wrestler too executing the figure four leg lock to perfection. Ric Flair was a special wrestler. No heel had ever been as celebrated as him.

5. Macho Man

Macho Man was probably the most intense wrestler of all time. You saw it in the veins of his neck. You heard it in the rasp of his voice. You saw it in his wrestling delivery. He was tight as hell throughout a whole match. Simple elbows were executed with an explosiveness that another wrestler would have done lazily, thinking that they were just trying to carry a match. Watch one of his interviews to experience the intensity of Macho Man. Who knows what he was on before a match or even before an interview. Regardless, he pumped up the viewer into making this smaller figure a main card wrestler. His finishing move, the elbow from the top rope devastated opponents. No one got up from it. One of the few finishing moves that no one could ever get up from. This guy wasn’t simply macho, he was pure intensity.

4. The Undertaker

The Undertaker’s place in WWF lore is certain. He’s one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, one of the greatest showmen of all time, and the greatest dark figure in wrestling history. This was sedimented with his win over Hogan in Survivor Series 1991. This is when The Undertaker was a heel. The kids in the crowd were crying, the kids who purchased the Survivor Series via Pay Per View at him were crying. How could their hero Hulk Hogan be beaten? Two words, “The Undertaker”. No one gets up from the tombstone. For a wrestler as big as The Undertaker he showed a scary agility being able to fly off the ropes with full body torpedo and could tight walk the ropes and smash a wrestlers arm. There has never been a wrestler who struck their opponent or the fan with a sense of fear like The Undertaker. This presence will always keep in the Top 5 of all time.

3. The Ultimate Warrior

The Ultimate Warrior went through a couple different incarnations, at least, due to alleged death via steroid use. There was only one Ultimate Warrior though, and that was the original who was as close to as important as Hulk Hogan. Who could ever forget him beating Hogan in Wrestlemania 6?  Surely one of the greatest matches of all time, but the warrior had the intensity to take the belt, and just like that, he was basically done from the WWF. He accomplished what needed to be accomplished; holding the belt once, instead of losing it, and winning it over and over (Hogan). The one word to describe The Ultimate Warrior is ‘Fire’. He ran to the ring with fire, fought with fire, and got up from a beating with fire. Trying to understand his explosive and solipsistic interviews is like trying to read James Joyce’s “Ulysses” which made him even that much more intriguing. The fire of WWF lore belongs to The Warrior alone.

2. Hulk Hogan

What can be said about Hulk Hogan that hasn’t already been said? He changed wrestling even though he couldn’t wrestle. He had one of the worst finishing moves of all time, yet somehow he was the most popular wrestling in the history of the sport. He wore awful and entiointrepid tights. When Hogan came to the ring though, the crowd would erupt. Events were based soley on him. Every mid card match was a lead up to seeing Hogan come down the ring. The inspiration he caused in the degenerate fan was earnest. He is human and non-human at the same time. Hogan was the one who started the phenomena of getting up from seemingly interminable finishing moves; shaking his head with the eyes of a maniac. After that it was a boot to a face then a leg drop that would never touch the wrestler. The only person Andre would “pass the torch” to was Hogan, and he carried it for some time to come. Andre saw something in Hogan, as did everyone else who every experienced wrestling.

1. Andre the Giant

Many things can be said about Andre the Giant. He was the biggest wrestler of all time. He was the most entertaining figure to see in all of wrestling. He was the greatest heel of all time, except that he became a non-heel without ever wanting to become a non-heel. This was quite the phenomena. Never has there been a wrestler that was meant to be disliked but people began to like them anyways (Undertaker broached this until he become a full-on protagonist once McMahon saw the phenomena happening). What was it about Andre that inspired this reaction? In one small gesture, Andre would give a slight smile even when he was fighting Hogan and this made the fans of wrestling see in his soul; A passionate and caring wrestler who believed in the non-sport of staged wrestling. There will never be another 8th wonder of the world. While Hogan made wrestling popular, Andre was the first to make it a legitimate show. It was not only his size, but his heart that made for staged-wrestling’s ascendancy.

Karl asks, I have noticed on scenes from the original series that on the bottom of the saucer section of the “Enterprise” there are two triangle shape images on either side of the bottom. My blue prints do not mention anything on this, do you have any ideals?

Really!?!? Let me check my blue prints… no mine shows two triangles on either side of the bottom. It would seem to me either you don’t know how to read blueprints or someone fell for the ‘fake enterprise blueprint routine’. Sorry it happens to the best of us.

Jerry asks, How much does commander Data weigh?

I wouldn’t imagine that much. I mean circuit boards don’t weigh that much, and then there’s plastic.

Arthur asks, I do not understand how you figure out the star date. Is this concept real? Does anyone use this method to calculate the date? and if so, what is the conversion? How do you come up with the star date? and what is the star date today? Thanks.

The simplest method of calculating the star date is as follows. Take the current date, and count the number of stars visible in the sky from the hours of 10PM to 4:15AM. Now subtract the total number of spaceships and or space stations in orbit around your planet. If that number is less than one you’ll have to add the number of full moons from that day to the day after your birthday and subtract the total number of Sunspots that were present during the last three vernal equinoxes. Now, if the number is greater than one, the problem becomes much more difficult as you will need the first and second fundamental laws of calculus and a sturdy abacus…. Of course the star date is isn’t real.

Miller asks, Why is captain Pickard bald? Shouldn’t they have discovered the cure for baldness by then?

Picard is a warrior in the truest of senses. He keeps his baldness to make himself more efficient in battle. And he is played by an actor from the current century where baldness hasn’t been cured, so yeah there’s that….

Shawn asks, How do I know that you’re not a Romulan?

Romulans are a fake species from a fictional television series.

Pete asks, For future Trek: Do you expect SF to accept their first (shown) full-blooded Romulan? Would you like to see it or are the Rommies sacred ground for evil in ST universe?

The Rommies? Really, Rommies? You just said Rommies. The truth is that we here at OW are actually fans of Star Trek, but of course, as with Star Wars and, most recently, LOTR, nerds ruin everything. To be honest, I don’t know what sacred ground in the ‘ST’ universe is. I know ‘ST’ is a fairly well written science fiction show that I enjoy watching, but the fans are the worst. I can’t believe you would say Rommie. God, that’s so lame. You’re lame.

Ryan asks, Would you date a Ferengi?

No.

Adam asks, Space is a bit dull. So why does the Starship Enterprise have windows?

Yeah who would want to go to space and see stuff. You’re right.

Zack asks, Do the Borg have sex?

Nope.

Paul asks, How does it feel to be assimilated?

Like being a teenager. You don’t know who you are anymore, generally just follow the crowd, listen to the voices in your head, try to make everyone else be like you, and criticize those who don’t follow you and yours.

Matt asks, Were the changelings always shapeshifters or did they evolve from solids????

They evolved, duh.. that was in episode 1234ABCD of the 6th season of DS9. Everyone knows that episode. You must not be a real Trekkie, as a real Trekkie would know that. I hate the fans of most things I like. Trekkies are almost as had as Dave Mathews fans. I like the band but hate the fans same with Star Wars. I wonder who’s worse at ruining things Star Wars fans or Star Trek fans.

Dave asks, I took a Star Trek personality test today and I am apparantly akin to Quark the Ferengi. Which Star Trek character you think you are most like?

We would be awesome. That’s not technically a character in Star Trek but we would most like to be awesome.

Chris asks, Why do aliens from across the galaxy speak perfect English?

Universal translators, plus English is pretty common.

Kevin asks, Yesterday, I came across a glitch on my second season DVDs of DS9 (I own the North American set), and I was wondering if it’s just a bad disc or if anybody else has that problem. When I watched the episode “Crossover”, during the teaser, specifically during the first shot of Mirror Terok Nor in orbit of Bajor, both picture and sound freeze for a second. I could reproduce the glitch on both my standalone DVD player and my computer. The disc doesn’t have any visible damage or dirt. Any help in the matter would be greatly appreciated.

Yes this is a common problem for the North American set it, however the south American sets are perfect. The only difference being the South American set is in Spanish.

Related Posts: Ask Old-Wizard: Star Wars, Ask Old-Wizard: Lord of the Rings

10. Fresh Prince

Fresh Prince was the best show that had corny jokes that were good. Will Smith finds his first major role in Fresh Prince, and plays the aloof city boy in a rich neighborhood perfectly. No on understands his diction, he does what he wants when he pleases, and his uncle is constantly trying to teach him lessons like the good judge he is. The show is made by Carlton though, who’s Costanza-esque role of constant disappointments creates one of the best acting symbioses in the 90’s sitcom catalogue. The dumb jokes at Will’s uncle would never stop and he would never stop getting angry and Will Smith’s character with the eyes of a punishing judge. And who could ever forget the theme music? Is there not anyone reading this who forgot the theme music to Fresh Prince; cheesy rap but definitely memorable.

9. Saved by the bell

Whenever Saved by the Bell comes on in the early mornings before work, we all still watch it. That it comes on in the sunrise hours is curious, but is welcome for everyone who was a fan of this inescapably 90’s sitcom. It would be hard to find anyone walking around high school dressed like how Slater dressed with his billowed hair, tank top, and MC Hammer pants. Zack was more transcendent of his times, but only to a point, he still wore blaring bright T-shirts. The main cast worked incredibly well together including the cool kid, the tough kid, the smart nerd, the fit girl, the uptight girl and the politically correct girl. The dynamics between them would serve for many great episodes. They all fought with each other, they all dated each other, and they all would be punished by Mr. Belding at one time or another. Saved by the Bell will always be remembered as the best high school sitcom of all time.

8. Family Matters

Family Matters was an entertaining sitcom placed early on the TGIF set. Everyone from the 90’s remembers Urkel and his infatuation with the Winslow’s daughter. Everyone remembers how protective Carl Wilson was when Urkle came anywhere close to Laura Winslow. The Winslow family was a prototypical family, but they were entertaining in their because of their relatability to other families. Eddie was the consummate ladies man, always pissing off Carl with his borderline hedonistic personality. Laura was a coming of age girl having to fend off other guys her age and the over-the-top nerdism of Urkel. It was all plain and simple, but always ended with a valuable lesson, like all the cheesy sitcoms of the 90’s. Back then, we all appreciated the final orchestral sappy ending. Oh have the times have changed…for the better.

7. Coach

Who could forget Craig T. Nelson, the coach for the underachieving Minnesota State Screaming Eagles. Most of the show was staged in a cabin in Minnesota which epitomized a very comfy hibernated feel for a coach who was always on edge about winning games. Who could forget Bill Fagerbakke’s character in all his goofiness and ineptness as an assistant coach that Nelson’s character somehow put up with. The show came to it’s climax when Nelson’s daughter was dating a guy he never approved of. This conflict filled up many hours in the Coach saga but was done with a graceful touch of humanity with Nelson’s character always coming to his over-protective senses and demanding nature as a coach. His wife would interfere in affairs giving “Coach” the feminine instinct that was perfect to supplement the yangy personality of a college football coach. All together, Coach was just a very well designed sitcom.

6. Salute your shorts

Salute Your Shorts wasn’t your traditional sitcom but was so good that we had to include it on this list. It may not have been a regular channel TV sitcom (Nickelodeon), but it was every bit as good as the best sitcoms on those channels. The show focuses on friends at summer camp and the problems they have amongst each other, and the camp counselors who are always pushing them beyond their limits, especially the rotund Donkeylips. There were some amazing quotes in this show like what would happen if the crew didn’t make their way to an activity they didn’t want to participate in; “Donkeylips sits on your face and farts.” The shows were always entertaining to watch in the 90’s. I don’t know if I could watch them now, but for the time when I related to the age where I was forced to go to summer camp because my parents didn’t want me home alone, this was the perfect show to watch.

5. 3rd rock from the sun

The Premise to 3rd Rock From the Sun was pretty ridiculous, and because of it deserved its rightful place on this list regardless of the fact that some of its episodes absolutely missed. As the story goes, aliens from outterspace have taken human form and experience human drama like they never had lived on the planet they were originally from. Instead, they are situated in a town in Ohio having to adapt to average American culture, which was no easy task for space aliens. They were sent down to study the behavior of humans much like we think what aliens were to do if they actually visited the earth. Dick Solomon, the high commander and father of the family, appropriately takes the role of a Physics Professor. The comedy of the show is derived from the antithetical nature of their own species having to adapt to the human species. As you could figure, obvious things get in the way like going to the bathroom and eating. While not all the episodes were great, there were enough laughs to make the sitcom successful.

4. Married with Children

Al Bundy was a shoe salesmen. Everyone knew that was why he was so depressed. On top of that, no one else in his family worked. He would have to dish out money and pay the bills on the salary of a shoe salesman. Who wouldn’t be pissed by this? Of course, it would have prudent not to have family on a shoe salesman salary (thinking about it now, we should have put this on our top 5 worst occupations of the millennium list). The dysfunctional Bundy family would be a relief for the families out there who were afraid of their own dysfunctionality. The imperative for family life would be curtailed by this always dreary comedy op on family life and all the emptiness that comes along with it. No one wants to be Al Bundy, sure they wanted to laugh at him, but they didn’t want to be him.

3. Frasier

Frasier certainly was for a certain taste of audience, nonetheless it had its moments and could transcend it’s opulent presentation. The interaction between Frasier, his brother and his father was classic. Frasier, the ever-consummate psychologist, could act too uptight around woman and anyone he came across, especially at their bourgeois parties. This was curtailed by their father, who would always ground the brothers actions of wimpy dispositions. Frasier would hit it’s peak in the mid 90’s, then slowly decrease in quality in the late 90’s as most shows of any decade do. It was the mid 90’s output though that had the most memorable episodes. No matter what class you consider yourself in, there was always something in the best of the Frasier episodes.

2. The Simpsons

The Simpsons was the first great cartoon sitcom. Family Guy would later trump The Simpsons in the 00’s but The Simpsons was the first to use the absurdist humor that is used in the prime time comedic cartoons today. There are too many episodes to go through to be able to describe the quality of this show. One that comes to mind though, is when Homer gets too fat to work so he has to work from home. He wears a woman’s dress and can’t use the keyboard at home because his fingers are too fat. When The Simpsons first started off, the humor was traditional and somewhat enjoyable. It was in the mid 90’s though that Matt Groening turned up the absurdity angle and created episodes that didn’t have to simply reflect an everyday life. This is when The Simpsons was the best. That Family Guy took away The Simpsons cache after in the decade to follow doesn’t take away from the originality and progression in cartoon sitcoms that The Simpsons established.

1. Seinfeld

There’s a reason why we wrote an entire list devoted to Seinfeld with our Top 30 Seinfeld Characters. Seinfeld is not only the greatest sitcoms of the 90’s, but also the greatest sitcom of all time. The sheer amount of classic characters in the show go a long way for making it entertaining. No matter how much one sees the same episode, it’s difficult to get sick of it in the face of the idiosyncrasies of each character that come across in a new way every time the episode is seen. Who could forget the many shortcoming of George? Who could forget the frantic disposition of Kramer every time he walked in Jerry’s apartment? Apart from the main cast were amazing characters such as Lloyd Braun, J.Peterman, Lomez, as the invincible Drake. Anyone who hasn’t experienced this show hasn’t watched TV. In the 90’s and today this is THE show to watch on TV.

10. No real-life looking people

Remember the X-Files? Remember looking at Mulder and Scully? Sure they were attractive, but they were attractive in a way that you would see on a day to day basis. They were real people with real acting skills. If Dana Scully was cast today, she would look like an over glossed bimbo with no character, which is probably the reason why we don’t see someone with her talent on modern TV. Look at all the girls and guys from a shows like Heroes or the nauseating and sentimental Grey’s Anatomy. They are models lacking in substance except for always falling in love with someone across from an operating table. There’s no reality in these shows, just an idealism that overtly tries to strike emotional chords. What is humanity anymore anyways? No one knows. It’s just conveniently romantic and mawkish sitcoms. When will the camera be turned on itself when no one is watching?

9. Soap Opera Story Lines

The Soap Opera story lines in modern TV are enormously unrealistic, which will be a consistent theme in this article. Who’s on who’s side? Who’s a hero and who’s a villain this week on Heroes? The same goes for Lost. Who’s with Jack this week and who’s with Locke? Does this apparent unpredictability really amuse the modern TV viewer? Does the modern TV viewer not recognize that next weeks episode of the show will obviously make friends into heroes and vice-versa? And when this is recognized, why continue watching? Wouldn’t the show become boring. Hmm. Guess not, if it’s still on the air. Guess no one recognizes the obvious nature of the marketing their watching. With a tired and dumbed-down audience, creativity has nowhere to flourish but to subterranean spaces always lacking in appropriate backing.

8. Bad Concepts

The amount of poor concepts for modern TV shows is uncountable. Making a sitcom based on the cavemen from that non-funny Geiko commercial proved to be an utter disaster. Who didn’t know that this show would be unbelievably poor on first sight when they saw the promotional trailers? When I first heard of this attempt to put cavemen into more modern contexts, I knew it would be off the air in a matter of weeks, and it was. Why would anyone think this was funny? This is just one example among many of concepts that lack all humor and creativity. Instead, all we see are doctor and cop dramas because great ideas no longer broach the popular TV medium.

7. Bad Commercials

Commercials now are a perfect example of a complete lack of creativity in modern TV. What happened to all the cool mascots? What happened to the Noid? What happened to the California Raisins and the 7-Up Spot? Even if you weren’t amused by these mascots, you knew that some unique thought went into their creation. Commercials now are simply a marketer’s dream, with blaring music and sound enveloping the whole space for any creativity. It’s all immediate effect and no nuisance with the modern commercial. Sometimes you have to turn down the TV or just turn it off completely because of how loud they are in comparison to the show your watching. This “louder is better” attitude is analogous for a complete lack of creativity. There is one exception. The Coors light commercials are genius.

6. Too many Doctor Dramas

Every season there’s a new doctor show that tries to spin “House” in in many different ways, to the more tamed down, to the more “real life”, and worst of all to the more mawkish and sentimental. Grey’s Anatomy represents the later as a show that seems more interested in developing stories of absurdly tragic romantic affairs then developing any story lines with patients or anything to remotely do with the Doctor profession. While House found it’s acclaim in exaggerating the techniques used to cure patients, the other shows found their acclaim by completely de-emphasizing the practice in general making these shows into repetitions of Days of Our Lives except with people who are dressed in hospital attire and sometimes disputing their own personal affairs over a surgeons table. It’s worrisome to see home many people in western culture are now aspiring to the nursing and doctor profession (You will find people literally walking around in public with their scrubs on). It’s worrisome because the popular reasons they may be getting into the profession in the first place.

5. No Good Comedies

What kind of comedies did we used to have? How about Cheers? How about Perfect Strangers? How about Seinfeld? The days of original and talented writing are gone in the modern comedy medium. Instead we have the Mind of Mencia and 2 and a Half Men. When watching a show like 2 and a Half Men, you have to work hard to try to find laughs. If you actually sit on the couch long enough and let yourself become immersed by this totally uninspired piece of modern TV, then you might actually find yourself laughing at some of the dumb predicaments in the show. Of course, having to try to laugh at a comedy defeats the purpose. Where have all the good writers gone?

4. Everybody Loves Raymond

Everybody Loves Raymond is a huge problem with modern TV. Just turning on the TV and having to see this poor excuse for an already poor and boring idea makes you cringe. In a previous article called “The top 5 reasons why you watch Everybody Loves Raymond“, we discuss the reasons why anyone would want to watch a show as austere as this show. It’s at the height of an overly self-satisfied culture that this show could become popular. If all goes well though and the culture is forced to look back down to the ground with the loss of it’s big house family luxury, then this completely unartful excuse for a TV show will be off air and appropriately deemed as grotesquely average in future commentary.

3. Re-Running the same Episodes

Whether it be Seinfeld, Family Guy, or even the dreadful Sex in the City, the same four or five episodes get rerun every day on multiple channels. We all know that they were the most successful episodes in these series, meaning the marketer’s graph that was presented to him showed a line going up on the graph. That doesn’t mean that we as TV watchers want to see these same episodes over and over again. We want to see them in the context of all the other episodes in the series and enjoy the better ones rather than having them shoved down our throats on multiple channels on the same days. Great episodes themselves become increasingly dull because of this. Modernity’s spirit for instant gratification finds itself hopelessly clinging to new shows because of this.

2. Too many Cop Dramas

How many cop Dramas are on TV now? Whether it be ABC, CBS, FX, HBO, ect. There is always the same type of cop show wearing its toughness on its sleeve. I really don’t know which one to watch with so many on TV. I started to get into The Shield for awhile, and then that became shit. I tried watching a full season of The Wire before it became almost the same show as the Shield. This duplication of a successful concept makes the future repetitions mere copies of the first idea in general, and usually always is less in quality than the first idea. The prevalence of marketing departments control over TV programs this can be blamed for this.

1. Reality TV

Reality TV is an obvious signifier of the ruin of modern TV. Everywhere and on all channels, these reality TV shows are loud, obnoxious and full of more unnaturally scripted actors than a bad Van Damne movie. But they’re reality TV shows you say. It can’t be scripted because everyone is just being themselves. The entire concept of reality TV negates this supposed acquisition of reality because all the reality actors are aware off their being filmed. How naturally would you act if you knew that there were 8 cameras following you around everywhere you went? The reality actors of these shows are probably not aware of this always and already distance from reality when being under the context a multitude of cameras. What we get instead of reality, is a pseudo-reality where what is normally considered to be normal becomes exaggerated because of the unconscious recognition of being filmed. The concept can’t work in itself and it shows in the pitiful characters that are cast in these banal shows.

10. Smurfs

One female in the entire population. One red-hatted elder who holds no real power but is in charge of keeping the village work organized. Everyone has the same size house. Everyone has the same power and authority. Everyone has a unique skill that contributes to the harmony of the population. Everyone is blue. Smurf your smurfing communist conspiracies, this was a wholesome tale about being unique. While they all looked the same, dressed the same, and lived the same, they all had unique personality traits that helped to save the group from mean old Gargamel and that hungry, misunderstood Azrael. Coincidentally, there was a local band back in the mid-nineties called Liquid Azrael who did a mean cover of Sesame Street’s 1-2-3-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12. SMURF YOU! I thought that was entirely smurfing relevant to the discussion (smurfing smurf-holes…).

9. Gummi Bears

Bouncing here and there and everywhere. You remember the show, don’t you? Disney animated Gummi Bears was a fun romp following the escapades of the furry little bears who drank magic Gummiberry Juice and bounced around the forest and outsmarted Duke Igthorn every week. The production quality of the show was great and would set the benchmark for all the other great Disney cartoons that would soon follow it. The show began the great Disney Afternoon timeslot run, which included many great shows such as DuckTales, Darkwing Duck, Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers, TaleSpin, and Gargoyles.

8. GI Joe

GI Joe: A Real American Hero was a half an hour of pure entertainment. Hawk and Sgt. Slaughter on operations with the significance on par with the biggest moments in history. Could Hasbro have any idea how successful GI Joe would be in the animation realm? These cartoons were flashy, loud, in your face, and all around dominating. GI Joe’s strength and rigor were consistently tested by Cobra who was always stealing shit like teleportation units and weapons that could manipulate weather. These were certainly large tasks for the GI Joe team all bundled up in half an hour segments. You got what you sat down for when watching GI Joe. You wanted these cartoon to last an hour instead.

7. He-Man

He-Man was the strongest of the strong. The most powerful of the most powerful, and he embodied all these qualities in the 80’s cartoon that spoke to a generation of nerds who wanted to hold the power of He-Man. Maybe we also liked the fact that He-Man could probably get any women he wanted to, and we couldn’t. At least we were honest in our admiration of that which was better than us lonely nerds seeking solace in a fictional cartoon. Who else could blow a gust of wind so powerful that it could knock opponents off a cliff? Who else could rub their hands together fast enough to turn sand into glass? He-Man is the ubermanch of the modern cartoon world. If only it were real. If only we were able to be He-Man for one day.

6. Transformers

Transformers Generation 1 was a firestorm for the cartoon market. It had everything a kid wanted. Robots destroying robots. Robots transforming into even bigger robots. Robots combining powers to destroy even bigger combining transforming robots. This show was huge and anyone who ever wanted to be a machine man would identify with Transformers austere disposition. Was there ever more of a recognizable robot in all of cartoon fiction that Optimus Prime? He is referenced everywhere in modern TV and for good reason. He was the first non-sentimental protagonist in robot history. He smashed buildings at will and dominated destructive bots at the drop of an oil spill from his energy tank. The transition from comic book to cartoon was flawless for Transformers, with the cartoon actually becoming more successful than the comic book. This certainly can be called a smooth transition.

5. Mario Brothers

Of course we had to include Mario Brothers on our list, not only because it’s Nintendo’s main protagonist, but because the show had such great storylines and ironic twists that it led to a pure entertainment experience. Luigi was being pulled down drains, Mario was rapping with Milli Vanilli up in the clouds, and the Princess was looking as good Natalie Portman in Closer. Their adventures would take them to the sea, the desert and to all the areas in the actual Mario Brothers game. Everyone who played the Mario games enjoyed this cartoon. Bowser was up to his old antics chasing the brothers around the world all the while contemplating world domination. The Mario Brothers can never do wrong, and they continued their successful streak with this fun cartoon.

4. Rescue Rangers

Rescue Rangers went side by side with Duck Tales with the title of greatest cartoon of the 80’s. The adventures of Chip and Dale would last in the viewers head for some time to come. They were always avoiding a fat cat who appropriately smoked a massive cigar signifying smoking negativity to an impressionable youth. Gadget came up with the best technological designs to ward off the fat cat while always looking stunning for a pale faced rat. Both Chip and Dale would fight over her throughout the series. Some of these conflicts became some of the best moments in the cartoon series. Some of the most memorable moments came from their adventures on their hot air balloon traversing the globe in search of their desires. Memorable characters, great inventions, great story lines, Rescue Rangers was a great cartoon.

3. Thundercats

The eighties were all about team work, and no cartoon exemplified this more than Thundercats. Generally speaking, cats are solitary creatures, except for lions of course, which is probably why Lion-o was the leader, since he was the only one who had experience working in groups. You never see packs of cheetahs or jaguars though, let alone a mixed pack of the feline species, or kingdom, or phylum, or whatever (I was never good at biology). Anyway Thundercats had a similar plot to Superman, their planet blew up and they had to flee so they ended up crashing on a planet called Third Earth. What happened to the first two we’ll never know since that was never addressed in the plot. They also fought a mummy and creatively enough his name was Mum-ra. This show was great, personally I loved the snarfs the most. Though I often wondered if the thundercats would eat them if times got bad. I also had a huge crush on Cheetara, she was such a babe.

2. Duck Tales

Everyone remembers the theme song to Duck Tales, and for good reason. Everyone watched every episode of this show. After school at 4:00, you knew where you were. You were on the couch eating an early dinner or snack watching Duck Tales. Scrooge McDuck and the boys were constantly getting into trouble or preventing trouble. The adventures that the three of them would go on would be epic. They went through Amazon rain forests, go back in time to ancient Greece, and even deep underwater looking for a fortune for their rapacious uncle. This show would never get dull, and the viewer was always on edge experiencing the tales of the young anthropomorphic ducks. Duck Tales was one of the best of the 80’s cartoons. You couldn’t watch just one episode.

1. Voltron

This was the pinnacle of 80s cartoons. It combined all the genius of the previously listed cartoons, animals (specifically lions), robots, magic, monsters, space travel, swords, babely babes, and mean bitches. The five robot lines were each stored in the most awesome garages ever, needless to say they were perfectly suited for the elemental association each lion carried with it. Keith was the leader, he was your typical hero, quick on his feet and cool in command. Lance was the cool guy, he might have been French, I don’t know, either way I bet he got laid the most, he had that sort of troubled vibe. The princess was also a babe, I had a crush on her too. Imagine a threesome with her and Cheetara, now that would be freaky. Then there was the nerd Pidge. He seemed like the type that might have installed a camera in the princess’s shower. Finally was the muscle, Hunk. He’s the guy you take to the bar so when you pick a fight he can beat everyone up.

The crew from Voltron fought a cadre of bad guys ruled by King Zarkon. His son, Prince Lothar, always seemed like the rich kid who would take daddies’ Benze and wreck it after a night at the clubs. I have a serious chip on my shoulder about rich kids, never liked ‘em. Basically in every episode the witch Haggar would make a Robeast and Voltron would defeat it. Haggar worked for Zarkon on the contingent that when Zarkon finally defeats Voltron she would get the associated magic. I would have went for health insurance and a good pension but whatever. She’s also the reason that Voltron was broken up into five robot lions rather than the full robot. It never seemed like much of a disadvantage really, maybe she felt stupid after that, and that was why she was working for free. Much of my early childhood was spent pretending to be Voltron. It was great. This line still gives me chills: “Ready to form Voltron! Activate interlocks! Dyna-therms connected. Infra-cells up; mega-thrusters are go! Let’s go, Voltron Force! Form feet and legs; form arms and body; and I’ll form the head!” You always knew a Robeast was going to be slaughtered soon after, well usually right after the blazing sword was formed. The only thing the show left me questioning was what the hell are dyna-therms and infra cells and why are the essential to making a giant robot out of five smaller, though large in there own right, robot lions?

5. Tiredness

An excusable reason why someone would watch this show is out of being too tired. One comes back from work and is beyond tired. They turn on the TV and it’s the first thing that pops up. Being too lazy to even switch the remote, the decide to watch it and fall asleep to the mediocre humor and average arguments happening between Raymond and his wife. This barely confrontational drama is the perfect soporific agent for the tired worker who wants to switch off his mind into endless mundanity. Nothing usually gets remembered after the episode is over which is helpful for the tired worker who doesn’t want to remember anything anyways after his long day at work

4. Boredom

Sometimes there is so much of nothing on TV that one has to watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” due to a moderately funny scene with Raymond’s brother who represents an innocuous folly traversing the suburban household. When Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune don’t catch the muse of the eternally benumbed, “Everybody Loves Raymond” comes in to fill the viewer with an average experience of modern life. This average experience of modern life keeps the entertainment of the viewer for at least 5 minutes or until the next commercial break. When there is no movie on or no want for knowledge beyond ones work environment, “Everybody Loves Raymond” because the solution for ones boredom.

3. Identity with Family Life

You have chosen a family life for yourself. With the inherent pressure of society to get married and have children, you find a justification for your familial instinct in “Everybody Loves Raymond”. The Raymond household is a one just like yours. You have two kids, a wife/husband that you have pretend conflicts with to fulfill your unconscious role for banal drama, and two parents who stereotypically represent grumpiness and naggingly critical dispositions. While time always seems to be taken up bringing this person this place or dealing with this parent that way, what you’re really doing is filling up your time on earth with what is considered normal. “Everybody Loves Raymond” confirms these all too human instincts for you and gives you a sense of being-in-the-world as should be. The should never gets analyzed in “Everybody Loves Raymond”, and for good reason; its important when living one’s life never to think of anything beyond ones surroundings.

2. You are an Italian American

While I am an Italian American, and the Italian identity has survived passionately through the work of Martin Scorsese, the Italian American for the most part has survived through a softening of traditional Italian culture by modern influences. You like to eat spaghetti and talk about how your grandmother makes the best lasagna. You once and a while talk about how your family from the old country had customs that are lost within modern culture, but you as an Italian American never practice these customs yourself except for talking about them to others when trying to establish yourself as someone who comes from a tougher old country attitude. You are Ray Romano who slavishly discusses menial problems with your wife while putting up an Italian demeanor to others. Oh yeah, you never visited Italy also. You probably don’t know where it is on a world map.

1. You have no taste for anything in life

The most important reason why you watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” is because you have no taste for anything in general. You define Philistinism to a “T”. You desire to watch this show knowing that it will give you pleasure because you can relate to the “dramas” of Raymond’s household, like Raymond not wanting to see the same movie as his wife, and his wife thinking that Raymond never wants to do what she wants to do. This satisfaction in relation to conflicts that really aren’t conflicts but culture in its most self-satisfied and lazy moments make you happy and entertained like a monkey given a banana at a zoo. Taste for you is recognizing yourself in others, without recognizing who you are the first place, or why you are the way you are, or why you would even want to recognize yourself in others. These questions never come to the forefront of your mind, and because of it, taste is not a recognizable source of any happiness in general.

30. Jimmy

Jimmy is the first person we meet in TV history who speaks in the third person. It takes a while for the main characters of Seinfeld to realize that Jimmy is refering to himself when speaking. Elaine especially is confused by this when seeking a name of a “hot guy” at the gym. How could Elaine have known that Jimmy was referring to himself when he said “Jimmy’s got the hot’s for you!”? Jimmy would prove to be one of the more peculiar characters in Seinfeld history not just for his 3rd person parlance, but also for his riddelin-induced personality, always on his toes and ebullient about the smallest of YMCA basketball games. Jimmy would be hospitalized by slipping on some of Kramer’s water that was spilling out of his mouth. This in turn would lead to a scene with Jimmy punching Kramer in the mouth leading to Kramer’s appearance as a mentally disabled person living on his own in New York City. Among other 3rd person referentials conspicuously coming out of Jimmy’s mouth were “Look who took the bread out of Jimmy’s mouth!”, “Jimmys going into shock!”, “Hand’s off Jimmy! Everyone, Don’t touch Jimmy!”. Anyone who talks like this has to be included not only on a “Best characters of Seinfeld” list, but a “Best TV characters of all time” list. Who among us would not take the chance to befriend someone in real life so odd? Imagine all the people you could confuse if you had a friend who naturally spoke like this?

29. Ramon “the Pool Guy”

In case anyone forgot, Ramon is the “Pool Guy”, and as a “Pool Guy”, it’s understandable that he may not have a lot of friends. After seeing Jerry outside a movie in the 7th season, he asks Jerry to hang out, which Jerry casually accepts. Little did Jerry know that Ramon would turn this befriending request into a full on “best friends forever” relationship. Ramon’s nerdy friends giggle at Jerry when they see him asking him “How did it go with Ramon?” as if Jerry and Ramon were 8th grade daters. It’s on a fateful day in the subway though that Jerry gets in the subway before Ramon can get in, with Jerry quipping “I’m sorry Ramon, but I already have enough friends”, disparaging the lonely friend-seeking Poolman into a hissy fit on par with the most love-sick of teenage girls. Jerry would have trouble shaking Ramon at the gym where he swims and works out with Ramon interfering in Jerry’s swimming every time he went across the middle of the pool. Ramon would crash the pool stick against Jerry’s swimming for Jerry’s ostensible apostasy. Ramon is an un-self-conscious character just looking to have simple fun, not worrying about how girly he can come across sometimes in his friendship. Little did he know that he was dealing with the most critical of self-conscious New Yorkers.

28. Franklin Delano Romanowski (FDR)

Franklin Delano Romanowski (FDR) was a friend of Kramer’s who had it out for Kramer. We don’t know why he had it out for Kramer for much of the episode, but we see FDR’s blowing out of candles at his own birthday party looking shifty eyed at Kramer when he was appearably making a wish. We learn later that he wished Kramer to “drop dead” putting Kramer in a tizzy. Kramer would go on to seek Newman’s birthday wish to counter-act FDR’s wish for Kramer to drop dead. Hilarious scenes developed with both FDR and Kramer pulling out there eye lashes to counter-act each others wish for Kramer to drop dead. Kramer would try to up the deadly wishes of FDR by wishing on a shooting star when no one was around, but we learn that FDR also wished on that shooting star knowing that Kramer may wish back for his life on it. This childish behavior could only strike at the childishness of the viewers who saw this absurdity as pure entertainment. We learn at the end of the episode that 2 years ago, Kramer threw a mighty snowball at FDR outside of the coffee shop they usually eat in. It’s this snowball that caused havoc on Kramer’s life and put him in serious jeopardy of FDR’s lugubrious wishes. Seinfeld viewers all wish they could see more of FDR.

27. Keith Hernandez

Keith Hernandez becomes the bee’s knees and arch enemy for the main characters of Seinfeld. For Newman and Kramer, he was a wretched, abject baseball player willing to spit on fans that dislike his play. For Jerry and Elaine, he was a marvelous baseball player with a nice thick mustache and handsome looks! Jerry develops a sort of man crush on Keither when they meet at the gym and Keith tells Jerry that he likes his act. After all the coquettishness, Keith asks Jerry to “hang out”. He doesn’t call Jerry for awhile evoking Jerry into a frantic school girl disposition. This becomes even further developed when Keith meets Elaine and they start to hit it off making Jerry wildly jealous asking Elaine, “Did you even watch game 7?” Keith proving to be the consummately sought-out man’s man would not be providentially recognized by everyone though. Kramer and Newman remember being spitted on by Keith at a game they attended because they quipped at him “Nice game pretty boy”. The reconstruction of the whole event parodying JFK, even made Jerry reenact a crime scene to show how impossible it was for spit to hit Kramer and then ricochet into Newman. We learn that the real spitter was Roger Mcdowell and all is well again with Kramer and Newman joining the “I love Keith Hernandez” club by helping him move his furniture out of his current residence. What do we learn from Keith Hernandez in Seinfeld? Not much…Just that both men and women can have crushes on famous baseball players.

26. The Caddy

The Caddy appears in episode 122 when we witness Kramer befriend this greensmith for improving his golf game. From this point on, Kramer seeked the advice from the Caddy on everything beyond the game of golf much to peril of Kramer and Jackies Childs lawsuit against Sue Ellen Mischke, the heiress to the “Oh Henry” candy estate. The Caddy, feeling somewhat audacious after his help in drastically improving Kramers life and golf game, decides to take on the role of a trial lawyer at the end of a trial that would cost Child’s and Kramer a prize of millions of dollars. The trial, based on the impertinence or non-impertinence of wearing “just a bra” in the middle of the public daylight would come into the favor of the Kramer/Child’s symbiosis only to be lost by The Caddy’s “advice” that Kramer so assiduously seeked at the end of the trial, looking for a closing argument. The Caddy’s advice to “have her try the bra on” would prove to be deleterious to the great opportunity in their grasp. The bra didn’t fit, mostly because Mischke had plenty of clothes on underneath, much to the vexation of Child’s who tells Kramer at the end of an episode “I’ve been in this business for a long time, and you listening to a caddy!” Nonetheless, The Caddy did improve Kramer’s golf game and came across with the type of stoic demure needed to eventually become a good trial lawyer, but for now he is on our list mostly for creating a bad ending to one of Kramer and Child’s forays into cheap lawsuits.

#5. Norma Arnold (Alley Mills)

C’mon, Norm was attractive for an older woman, whether you wanted to admit it or not. You wanted her as a mother compared to the way all the other mothers looked. You wanted your wife to age as gracefully as Norma did with flowing golden locks and a sophisticated style that could charm and discipline at will.

Norma was the superlative suburban mother who cared deeply about her children and always made an above-average dinner, even when she started a job herself that took out many hours of her day. She played the part to perfection, nagging at every little detail in Kevin’s life and speaking with a soft spoken affirmation that demanded the attention of the Arnold household.

Norma and Jack were a 60’s marriage that represented the springing of a new America and the divergence of ideologies. Often, Karen (their daughter) and Jack would embody these ideological differences. It was Norma though who acted as the consummate mediator who could take any extreme down to its knees.

#4 Bonny Douglas (Paula Marshal)

All of the Arnold family, all of Kevin’s friends, and all viewers of the Wonder Years were shocked to see that Wayne bagged this girl. A long haired brunette who would wear the most stylish burettes and fit into the skimpiest dresses. Kevin was most in awe and even jealous by this fortuitous happening. How could this happen? How could Wayne Arnold be dating this girl?

Bonny, had a child…She was looking for a suitor…Wayne saw something he could excel at and dated Bonny for a couple episodes. Their relationship was one where you saw a girl looking for any support she could get, and a guy looking for anything to support…the most perspicuous entrance into long term commitment.

Their relationship ends when Bonny goes back to the guy that she had a child with. Wayne punches things, and then realizes he wasn’t ready for this commitment anyways. Bonny would come to represent the girl we were with, when we thought we were men…

#3 Cara (Lisa Gerber)

Kevin meets Cara on a week summer trip with his family and Paul. Kevin and Paul are at the drive in movie theaters when Kevin spots the distant gaze of the cool girl in the back of a 4 x 4 truck smoking a cigarette, acting like she has no care in the world. Kevin, dazed by this look he has never seen before, goes over to her to say “hi”. Cara offers Kevin a cigarette which he takes, then coughs on it, ostensibly losing all hopes at seeing this girl again, until she chuckles and continues the conversation with Kevin. As usual, Paul is in the background pissed because he never gets to talk to girls, except for the ones that Kevin sometimes sets him up with, that are…less than…ummm…..

Cara would go on to represent for Kevin, and all teenage boys at the time, the summer girl who you lost yourself in for the moment, to never see again. The final night of the vacation when you ask her “Will I ever see you again”, and she looks at you half fearful and half confident and says “I just don’t know”. She is different from all the town girls and all the school girls. She is from a far off distant place where everything is different and nothing is safe. In Cara, you lose yourself to completely something new, to never see again…

#2 Winnie (Danica Mckellar)

“The Coopster, “Coopinhagen”, “Kevin’s little Coop”…Wayne had a myriad of names for Winnie Cooper, Kevin’s long time girlfriend throughout the Wonder Years. Whenever Kevin’s mother would ask Kevin where he was going for the night, Wayne would usually interrupt with one of these ingenious teases.

Winnie Cooper is the girl that every boy grows up with, thinking their going to marry because their parents think they will, until they realize how different they are from each other. Regardless, the ups and down that these two go through prove a special bond between them that is different from marriage, and even friendship.

Winnie was notorious for the perennial frightened look on her face every time she talked to Kevin. It always looked like she was going to throw up every time she had to talk to him, probably out of fear that she was eventually going to have to hurt him. Every guy had a crush on Winnie at some point because she hit the perfect medium between beauty and attainability, a medium that has become forgotten in modern casting. There is only one “girl next door” in TV history, and it’s Winnie Cooper.

#1 Madeline (Julia Condra)

“Shortttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”, is what you would shout at your TV screen the first time you saw Madeline. Madeline comes into the Wonder Years when Kevin moves onto middle school, where Winnie moves onto a different school. Kevin and Winnie promise each other to think of each other every hour, until Kevin lays his eyes on this perfectly shaped blonde with the eyes of a cheetah. He is always at least ten minutes late in thinking about Winnie because whenever he looks over in French class, there is Madeline with the soft smile that would strike at your budding hormones.

Sometimes there comes a time in an average guy’s life when the hottest girl in school wants them, and they ask themselves “Why the fuck would she be into me?” For the life of you, you can’t understand it, but its happening. Everywhere Kevin goes, Madeline is smiling at him. Every partner assignment being assigned seems to go to him and her.

The night comes where Kevin has to go Madeline’s house to bake a cake for a Home Ec class. The first thing Kevin notices is that she’s all alone in this big house. She is mature way beyond Kevin’s years. Its there that they comes face to face, just inches away, in Kevin trying to put back on Madeline’s necklace. When the kiss is about to happen, he dashes for the door and runs to Winnies house showing a loyalty and magnanimity that is completely lost in modern TV.

Regardless, Madeline is the #1 girl in The Wonder Years. No girl strikes you so immediately as she did, no girl swayed you with her coquettish style of French class diction as she did, no girl would come as close as she to breaking the unbreakable relationship between a childhood romance. She is the ultimate test for all relationships…

5. Family Ties

Family Ties began airing in 1982 to a packed audience of family goers across North America. The show stared the ubiquitous Michael J. Fox as the cool teenager with everything going for him with the name of Alex Keaton. Parents Meridith Birney and Michael Gross starred alongside the urbane Justine Batemon (Mallory) to fill out the main characters in the show. The parents were cast as liberal-minded social workers trying to curtail the sometimes over-ambitious gestures of the conservatively cast Michael J. Fox. Mallory just liked to shop, representing the advent of mass consumerism that found it’s origins in the 80’s shopping malls. This contrast between characters created an unusual spark that led to high Nielson ratings for years to come. While we learn the events that led to the characters of Gross and Birney meeting each other, we also learn for the first time that Michael J. Fox loses his virginity to a girl that was vehement about the economic philosophy of one Milton Freedman, striking the dichotomy between 60’s placidity and 80’s audacity. Cast in the quiet contours on an Ohio suburb, Family Ties provided families with a glimpse into their own problems when children were growing up finding their own identities, often the opposite of their parents. All the actors in Family Ties would go on to procure moderate success in their work afterwards, but as with all great shows, none of the actors of those great shows would ever come close to their original greatness (except Michael J. Fox). Family Ties marked an absolute representation of a possible family in the 80’s.

4. Growing Pains

Growing Pains began airing in 1985 right in the middle of the middle class boom of the Regan years, where people began finding themselves drawn into the comforts and securities of family life. Growing Pains represented the ideal 80’s family. The show could be considered a lesson in parenting, as Alan Thicke represented the nexus of post-modern and traditional fatherdom, sometimes fastidiously punishing his children, sometimes giving them a well-needed philosophical morsel. Kirk Cameron would be the main receiver of Thicke’s punishments while the rest of the children would receive the brunt of Thicke’s aphorisms into love and devotion that stirred 80’s TV ratings and wowed the mothers-to-be into telling their husbands to be more like Thicke’s character. Growing Pains also represented a shift in family life in general as Maggie Sever works outside of the house as a reporter while Jason Seaver (Thicke) works in the house as a psychiatrist. Men’s manliness was called into question for an episode or two until one saw the power of Thicke’s parenting skills. If this Growing Pains disquisition is focused on Thicke’s character, it is not without reason, as anyone who remembers watching this show with another female will remember the admiration in her eyes watching Mr. Seaver, while the males sat there helpless in the face of this TV father’s guile.

3. The Cosby Show

The Cosby Show, with its blaring saxophone introduction music, made us ponder if we should do a “Best introduction music to an 80’s family sitcom list”. Old-Wizard mania aside, The Cosby Show was one of our first choices when thinking of the best sitcoms in the 80s. Everyone knows Bill Cosby, everyone loves to hear what he has to say about topics as diverse as modern politics to basketball to pudding, but more than anything else, everyone loves to hear parodies of the way Bill Cosby talks (best example is in Family Guy). This interest in Bill Cosby has its origins in “The Cosby Show“, an upper-middle class sitcom based on the Huxtable family with their issues ranging from a child’s problems with dyslexia, to the problems with controlling a household of 4 children. Bill Cosby proved to be the consummate comedian offering the same types of insights and questions that modern parents at the time were asking regarding their own family lives. The stoic demeanor of Cosby would establish an index for all fathers in America, and a patience needing to bring up obstinate children. The Cosby Show, like all great shows at one point or another, would trail off into boring later episodes where some of the themes from the earlier episodes were often rehashed. Watch the first 5 seasons though and you’ll gain a glimpse into what it takes to handle the work of load of a large family, and some corny jokes to tell your friends when they’re under the influence.

2. Who’s the Boss

Who’s the Boss began airing in 1984, and proliferated rapidly in its reception. Judith Light and Tony Danza were the main characters. Toni Micelli (Danza), a former second basemen for the Cardinals, injured his shoulder permanently and ended up taking a job in Fairfield Connecticut as a housekeeper for Angela Bower (Judith Light). It’s also with this acquaintance that we are introduced to Alyssa Milano, the ebullient TV daughter of Toni Micelli’s, that made most teenage boys watch with thoughts of one day being able to date her, that is if they could muster the strength to overcome the insuperable task of meeting Tony Danza first. Tony Danza was always protective of his daughter (Milano), to the point of acrimonious fights that often had to be mediated by Judith Light. It’s in these occurrences that the once working relationship of Light and Danza became more like a family, creating a romantic tension between the two. Much would be referenced from Who’s the Boss, from Tony Danza’s trademark New York accent (Yo Angelllaaaa!), to the lewd annexation of the title of the show to the sadistic lexicon of private school perverts. Regardless, Who’s the Boss represented a fact that a changing of times in the structure of the family (having a tramp in the family like Mona for example) didn’t have to mean a change in the structure of human relationships.

1. Alf

We at Old-Wizard not only think that Alf is the best 80’s sitcom of all time, but possibly the greatest sitcom ever! In case anyone didn’t notice, Alf stands for “Alien Life Form”. “Alf” would become the nickname (by acronyms) of the lovable extra terrestrial creature that we all came to know in the 80’s. The premise of the story involves Alf following a radio signal in space that led him to crash on earth, at the exact location of the Tanner family residence. The Tanners, being good social workers, think that the government will do bad things to the abnormal creature, and so hide him from the evils of beaurocratic government. Little did they know that Alf had eight stomachs and liked to eat cats, creating some understandable difficulties in this life of the Tanners. What the Tanners had to deal with in non-conducive familial adaptations, they more than made up for with the surprising comedic value of ALF, sometimes asking the questions only philosophers would ask, often making other people retort with statements such as “Why would you want to know this?” Also attributing to Alf’s comedic value was the voice given to him from production, which came across as an average middle-age father talking with people at a family party. It’s this contrast that created a glimpse into a real life anthropomorphism not seen in its day or any day afterwards in the TV medium (there is no way that ALF would ever make it in modern TV). The dialogue is alive in Alf and so are the characters with their best attempts at treating this funny looking creature in a serious manner. Go back to these episodes and you’ll find some of the more interesting dialogues in TV history, like why a clothes dryer is used for drying clothes instead of riding inside of it.