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• Top 10 Songs of all Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 186 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 19, 2008

  The 10 greatest songs of all time. This was definitely one of our most difficult lists to make. With a subject that is considered as subjective as music, it’s hard to make any top 10 list about anything musical. We’re going for the gold though and listing what we think are the top 10 greatest songs of all time. We had a list of 50 songs and from those songs, and then narrowed it down to these top 10. What was left off this list was more than difficult to omit. Sometime in the future, we will have to expand this list to a top 50 and maybe even a top 100 to do justice to all the great songs that have passed over our ears in our lifetimes. We tried to be both objective and subjective when making this list. We couldn’t fill this list with a bunch of Rolling Stones and Oasis songs, nor could we simply put “Let it Be” as one of the greatest songs of all time. This list is both partial and impartial, if that is even possible. We will let the reader decide.

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• Top 10 Problems with Modern Movies

  

  Written by Zeromage 48 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 13, 2008

  It seems like every year movies are getting worse and worse. I used to go to the movies every week, and now I’m lucky if I go once a month. Not only are the movies today worse, but they cost more too. Since I make more money now than I did when I was a kid, I wouldn’t really care about spending a lot of money going to the movies, but it’s still hard to justify paying $10 to go and see Jumper. If you bring your wife or girlfriend with you, plan on spending over $40 (with popcorn and a soda) to see some shitty new movie. I wouldn’t mind if every new movie was as good as Dark Knight, but let’s face it, most new movies suck ass. You’re better off spending your $40 buying a full season of the X-Files on DVD. At least you’ll be entertained for a whole week, and you won’t have to sit next to some overweight guy who breathes really hard, or some little girl who sniffs every ten seconds while you’re watching them. So why do new movies suck? In this next list we’ll go through the top 10 problems with modern movies.

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• Top 10 Ways to Tell If You Know Nothing About Music

  

  Written by Zeromage 64 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 3, 2008

  I came to a realization after our last music article entitled “The Top 5 Musical Countries“. One of these insights was that many people don’t understand parody, which is disheartening when making lists that sometimes try to be playful for entertainment’s sake. The other insight I came across was that some people know absolutely nothing about music, but for some reason feel entitled to make an opinion on it. This later insight is what will be covered in this list. God bless Video Gamers and their opinions because they are always somewhat informed (besides those who don’t read an article but just come on the site to say “epic fail” with no reasoning).

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• Top 5 Musical Countries

  

  Written by Zeromage 89 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 25, 2008

  The 20th century of music saw a shift from the opulent and sophisticated modes of classical music, to music more as a mode of self-expression. The classiness of classical music saw its demise with pop music that was able to be communicated to anyone whether rich or poor. Who would capitalize on this medium the most? Which country would deliver the best music in this new medium? In this list, we will go through the top 5 music countries of modern of times. Unlike other lists, this list was easy to write. The choices came quickly. Some people will obviously be angry at a couple of the omissions on this list, but nonetheless, we speak with a conviction that will rise above the rabble.

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• Top 5 Worst Van Damme Movies

  

  Written by Zeromage 14 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 12, 2008

  On the eve of Van Damme’s new movie where he plays himself in real life, we decided it would be fun to put together his five worst movies. Of course, the amount of bad movies that Van Damme was in are numerous. One could easily make a list of Van Damme’s worst movies and include every single one he’s ever made. However, there were some exceptionally bad movies where he was the protagonist that not only involved his poor acting, but poor screenplays to combine with the bad acting into some of the worst movies of all time. It’s been said that Van Damme’s new movie will be his best because he is actually acting like himself (meaning consistently losing banal action hero roles to Steven Seagal). If it is, he will at least have one movie under his belt that he could be proud of in his 20 some odd years of acting.

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• Top 10 Problems with Modern TV

  

  Written by Zeromage 16 Comments
  Last Updated:: November 6, 2008

  TV really angers us here at Old-Wizard these days. We remember growing up and watching all those great cartoons and even “real life” sitcoms like Seinfeld that were both unique and entertaining. The TV medium today is an utter disaster. It seems that more TV programs are produced and directed by marketing departments than by professional writers. No wonder why there was a writer’s strike just a few months ago. Creativity has once again suffered at the hands of those who have no creativity but like to meet with other “professionals” at fancy restaurants convinced that their lives have any meaning whatsoever. In this list we will go through the problems with the era of Modern TV in hopes of raising awareness to an entertainment medium that could be much greater.

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• Top 10 Science Fiction Movies of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 25 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 30, 2008

  Are you tired of the same old Top Ten Sci-Fi movie lists that have 2001: Space Odyssey listed at number 1, and then leave off all of the Star Trek movies? Well so are we. We think 2001 sucks and decided to make our own list of the best science fiction movies ever, other critics opinions be damned. What’s so great about 2001 anyway? It puts me to sleep every time I try to watch it.  The movie had some cool special effects for its time, but only if you could keep your eyes open long enough to actually see them. They’re spaced out between a long meandering story where the most exciting thing that happens is a some monkeys going wild and a strange acid trip in outer space. And what the hell is going on during the last half hour of that movie anyway? Needless to say you won’t find any artsy movies like that on our list. Just the greats. Anyway, here’s our list. If you don’t like it, go check out Ebert’s.

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• Top 10 Worst Superheroes

  

  Written by Zeromage 122 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 23, 2008

  One of the most common debates found on comic book forums across the interweb is who is the most powerful superhero of all time? Another common debate is who’s the best superhero of all time. Well, since the staff here at Old-Wizard.com are a couple of real going against the grain type o’ guys, we decided to ask the much less often asked question of who the worst superheroes of all time are. After a couple of hours of heated debate, this is the list that we came up with:

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• Comic Book Review: Hulk #5

  

  Written by Zeromage 3 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 8, 2008

  Let me get right down to it, if Old-Wizard ever does a “Top 10 Worst Comic Books of All Time List” this issue will be the number one pick. Not since World War Hulk #5 has a comic book made me this angry (and no, I won’t make any bad “Don’t make me angry” jokes). But in all seriousness, Hulk #5 is a bad, bad comic.  The Red Hulk series has already treated the She-Hulk, Iron Man and even the Watcher like rag dolls who crumple under the awesome might of the Red Hulk. Now it’s Thor’s turn. This should have been a match-up for the ages. You have the Hulk, one version of him anyway, a beast with nearly limitless power doing battle with the nigh-invulnerable Norse god of thunder. Instead of making things interesting, or finally providing Red Hulk with a suitable opponent, Jeph Loeb allows his creation to trounce Thor for half the issue. Personally I hate villains whose only defining trait is the fact that they’re stronger than every other hero in the universe. You may think that I should stop whining that my precious Thor got his ass kicked, but this series is undermining the character’s place in the current Marvel Universe.  J. Michael Straczynski has spent a lot of time carefully reestablishing Thor as a complex, powerful figure. This new comic book throws all of Straczynski’ subtlety out the window and then kicks sand in his face for good measure.

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• Album Review: Oasis Dig Out Your Soul

  

  Written by Zeromage 26 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 26, 2008

  

  Plod rock gains a new meaning

  Oasis’s previous album “Don’t Believe the Truth” was a return to form of sorts for Oasis. Noel Gallagher’s impeccable songwriting was matched with a creativity missed since “Standing on the Shoulder of Giants”, even as this later album had its obvious missteps. With the new lineup firing on all cylinders with “Don’t Believe the Truth”, the Oasis fan was ready for the next album that would take them into a musical peak. We kept hearing about thousand piece orchestras layered over each other and grooves that resembled the best of Madchester circa 1990. The new songs were going to be reminiscent of “Columbia” off of their debut album “Definitely Maybe”. With Dig Out Your Soul, Oasis certainly hit a groove, unfortunately it’s a groove as dry and plodding as a rotting piece of wood. With Dig Out Your Soul, Oasis are on autopilot. This can be good for some bands, but definitely not for Oasis, who publicly and consistently pride themselves on antiquity. What Noel Gallagher fails to realize though, is that the justification for antiquity in music can become an antiquated notion itself. This is the sound of “Dig Out Your Soul”.

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