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• Top 5 Reasons Indie Music is So Bad

  

  Written by Zeromage 50 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 31, 2009

  As any of the music readers of Old-Wizard know, indie music is our enemy.  It was listed as the worst music genre of all time on our recent list “Top 10 Worst Music Genres of all Time”.  That’s some position to have over and above Mainstream Country and even the Nickelback genre!  Indie music worse than Nickelback?  Surely you must be joking.  Not really.  Both are quantifiably bad but indie music takes the prize as worst genre because of how many people think the music is good.  Nickelback was saved by most people knowing they’re shit.  Here then is why indie music is the worst music genre of all time.
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• Top 10 Most Important Bands Since Oasis

  

  Written by Zeromage 115 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 22, 2009

  If hasn’t be objectively and empirically proved already by Old-Wizard, then we will just categorically state right now that Oasis is the greatest band of all time. Any argument against this claim has been refuted by the Old-Wizard staff and our recent neophytes. Our position is also held by the post-Oasis bands that have made landmark albums after them. Oasis’s influence on these bands is undoubted if not outright expressed in interviews. In this list we will go through these bands and list them as the most important bands since Oasis. If Oasis was the most important band of all time, then certainly the most important bands after them would logically have to be influenced by them. This list will define the most important ones though in a very definite order of importance.

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• Top 10 Country Songs For People Who Don’t Like Country

  

  Written by Zeromage 39 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 16, 2009

  This isn’t your grandfather’s best of country list, this isn’t even your father’s best of country list, unless your father was cool. This list is Old-Wizard’s best of country list, which means it’s a list of opinions masquerading as objective fact. You probably haven’t heard of most of these songs, but they are the best country songs of all time regardless. The focus of this list was more on a genre that was innovative with country music rather than traditional country music that was satisfied in it’s traditional and literal meanings that spoke to only the most obvious listeners. The term for this genre (we are focusing on) is often cited as “(alt)ernative-country”, but that tag is inaccurate for many of the songs on this list. Hopefully there will be more of an appreciation of the country genre after people take a listen to these songs and realize that country need not be limited to Garth Brooks and that other Australian waffle with the dyed blonde hair.

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• Top 10 Oasis Songs

  

  Written by Zeromage 87 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 25, 2009

  Making a best of Oasis list with only 10 of their songs on it is difficult for us here at Old-Wizard. A Top 100 would probably be difficult for us. We think every song they ever wrote was at least good. The proof is in the pudding. Look at this band’s b-sides and you will see the inordinate amount of quality songwriting possessed in the genius of Noel Gallagher. This attempt at putting together the top 10 Oasis songs should be seen as a preliminary attempt at an impossible task. Yes, this is how good we think Oasis are. You have a problem with that? Just make sure Be Here Now isn’t playing on the jukebox or you’ll be done.
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• Top 10 Most Overrated Songs

  

  Written by Zeromage 52 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 18, 2009

  The traditional list of overrated songs include songs that are patently overrated.  This list however will feel the need to make evident those overrated songs that aren’t as obviously overrated to the casual listener.  That being said, this list will piss people off because there will be songs on here that the reader will think are timeless or classic.  This list will debunk the mythology placed on some of these songs by showing their boring quality, their average quality, and their tricks that make them seem better than they actually are.  Some of the “best bands of all time” are on this list.  This is not to say that we are condemning the bands, but just the specific songs, so take care before the commenting is in defense of the band rather than the song.
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• Top 10 Worst Types of Music

  

  Written by Zeromage 90 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 11, 2009

  With the broaching of pop music into art in the 20th century, it unfortunately burdened itself with it’s spatial nature.  While this space would allow for some of the most classic genres of music (e.g. Motown, Britpop, Rock), it’s flexibility allowed it’s opposite and sometimes unequal reaction in genres of music that found it’s success within Pop’s flexibility, and not the core of artistic quality.  In this list, we will highlight these music genres that have stained the great name of Pop music in the name of it’s own individuality, it’s own difference, without remembering the soul of Pop music.  There will be an underlying hope throughout the list of a the recognition of the forgotten soul of Pop music.

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• Top 10 Worst Fanboys

  

  Written by Sage 1,547 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 5, 2009

  We here at OW like a lot of things. We also dislike a lot of things. In some cases the things we like and the things we don’t like overlap. For example we like the Dave Matthews Band but we dislike the average Dave Matthews fan. This could be pictured as a Venn diagram. Venn diagrams will be used a lot in this list so please take time to review the general concept. Another example is Pokemon, we hate Pokemon but enjoy a good Nintendo game. Once again a Venn diagram would very neatly describe this. In another unrelated matter, we here at OW, in our last list, mentioned that we wanted to sell out. However we haven’t received any offers that will prevent us from having to wake up and go to our jobs in the morning. So let’s step it up people! Also while I’m on it, we haven’t received any applications to join our religion that we’ve started. So again let’s step it up people! Finally the first person to send us a set of Venn diagrams describing this list wins a free OW t-shirt. So break out the pen and compass, some crayons, and your third grade math book and get to work.

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• Star Wars Gripe

  

  Written by Zeromage No Comments
  Last Updated:: May 19, 2009

  R2-D2 is in fact an android whore. Let’s look at the facts, in ROTJ, Bib Fortuna strokes R2’s dome. Now, I don’t speak droid, but he seemed to be pretty excited from all that touching.  I think Bib Fortuna got off on the whole interlude too. There was a lot of rubbing and sweet talking going on in that scene and they “forgot” to translate what R2 was beeping about. C-3P0 also puts his hand on R2’s dome quite a bit. 3P0 isn’t the most masculine of robots either. That leads me to wonder, is R2 gay or is he really a she? No one knows that answer either.

  The questions are is R2 a male, female, both, or neither? Does R2 feel pleasure? Does R2’s prong stick out when Luke says nice things to him? Is R2 a submissive, always obeying when someone tells him to stick his data stick into a foreign terminal?

• Ask Old-Wizard: Star Trek Edition

  

  Written by Zeromage 17 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 8, 2009

  With the new Star Trek movie coming out today we decided to gather up all the Star Trek related questions that we’ve received for the past year that we’ve been running “Ask Old-Wizard” and answer them all at once. What we realized as we were answering them was just how nerdy our fan base really is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hope you enjoy!

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• Top 10 Movies of All Time

  

  Written by destructomaximo 136 Comments
  Last Updated:: March 30, 2009

  To be honest, I’m most comfortable when I’m writing about old NES titles and beer. Although I am a musician and I’ve studied music from classical to Jazz to rock to blues, the differing opinions on the matter make it tough to publish my opinions on it, you brats are brutal. Worst of all is writing about movies. I watch a LOT of movies…crap movies. I love 70’s kung-fu and 80’s slasher flics. I am not a film critic, I never studied the ins and outs of cinematography, and I sure as hell don’t consider my self an expert. You can understand my anxiety when Zero asked me if I’d pen a top 10 movies. The conversation went something like this (the following is slightly dramatized for effect): “WTF? Top ten movies based on what?” “Whatever you want.” “Whatever I want? That’s like trolling for angry nerds” “Whatever, man. You ARE an angry nerd” “So I’m starting an argument, this is an argument list.” “Is there any other kind of list?” “Right on…”

  So here you have it. DestructoMaximo’s top 10 movies of all time. Ever. Without question.

  When you’re finished playing video games you could always play
  free online poker with your friends at www.partypoker.com. If you’re lucky you could earn enough cash for a PS3.

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