Viewing Profile: Sage

• About Sage
  Sage spent most of his early childhood running around in the small patch of woods located behind his house. When upon chance he met a young Zeromage in a make-shift sandbox, a life long friendship was born. Sage could tell you an infinite number of the most embarrassing stories about ZM, but he would then be equally destroyed by all the embarrassing stories that ZM knows about him. They both signed a nuclear war treaty that has been in effect since they were both old enough to realize how nerdy they truly are. Interestingly, and independently of ZM, he also forged a friendship with DM while skateboarding the streets of their hometown. Sage personally feels that he is superior to most of the population and will talk at length about it, often citing very specific examples. He still skateboards but otherwise has little time for hobbies. He also hates George Lucas.
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  Latest Posts by Sage

• Ask Old-Wizard: France

  

  Written by Sage 63 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 29, 2009

  Sage is back this week to answer some of our reader’s questions about France. That’s right, just when you thought Old-Wizard couldn’t get any more random, we do something like this.  The real question should really be “Why is anyone asking us anything about France anyway?” Oh well, since Sage has actually been there, we figured he should be the one to answer this random assortment of France-related questions.  Hope you enjoy:

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• Top 10 Ways To Tell if You’re Reading an Old-Wizard List

  

  Written by Sage 29 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 9, 2009

  OW sucks. Let’s be honest. Their articles are dull and uninspired. They write about the same things over and over again. They harp on the same ideas over and over again and they think they are so cool. In fact their articles are so boring that they have recently been popping up all over the internet including on other people’s websites. It seems that OW has struck a cord with a few people and they feel we deserve to be quoted. But how can you tell if it’s an OW article or not? Well we have compiled some of the most common ways according to some of our bigger fans. These are the folks who come back every week to leave us a comment, send us an email, or post about us in some random forum or another. According to the statistics, our fact checking kittens, and the chimp we just hired these are the best ways to know you are reading an OW list.

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• Ask Old Wizard

  

  Written by Sage 40 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 28, 2009

  This week we answer some grammatically challenged questions from Nintendo Boy about Super Mario:

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• OW Investigative Series: Violence in Video Games

  

  Written by Sage 11 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 21, 2009

  Part 4: Pokemon

  In recent centuries the world has been racked with animal on animal violence. You need not look further than Animal Planet, Discovery Channel, and sometimes History Channel (check local listings). Every where we look some animal is killing another animal. But why? Is it for food? Are the creatures pre-programed to hate each other? Or has gang warfare spilled over into the animal kingdom? Only recently, since man has evolved hunting and tracking capabilities, has human on animal violence escalated. Some people, so called ’scientists’, have postulated that these behaviors are what allowed human beings to become the dominate species on our planet. A quick look out the window, if you live in an urban area at least, shows you that yes there are a lot of humans everywhere. But why has modern man chosen to still attack, kill, capture, and even eat animals? Is it because proteins obtained from meat and poultry are essential to a healthy diet? Is it because a number of domesticated species would no longer be able to survive on their own without human intervention? Or is it because of the destructive influence a certain video game has had on the populace?  As we have shown in previous articles, all violence in society can be blamed on video games, so it only make sense that animal cruelty must also be the fault of video games.

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• Top 10 Worst Fanboys

  

  Written by Sage 1,557 Comments
  Last Updated:: June 5, 2009

  We here at OW like a lot of things. We also dislike a lot of things. In some cases the things we like and the things we don’t like overlap. For example we like the Dave Matthews Band but we dislike the average Dave Matthews fan. This could be pictured as a Venn diagram. Venn diagrams will be used a lot in this list so please take time to review the general concept. Another example is Pokemon, we hate Pokemon but enjoy a good Nintendo game. Once again a Venn diagram would very neatly describe this. In another unrelated matter, we here at OW, in our last list, mentioned that we wanted to sell out. However we haven’t received any offers that will prevent us from having to wake up and go to our jobs in the morning. So let’s step it up people! Also while I’m on it, we haven’t received any applications to join our religion that we’ve started. So again let’s step it up people! Finally the first person to send us a set of Venn diagrams describing this list wins a free OW t-shirt. So break out the pen and compass, some crayons, and your third grade math book and get to work.

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• The 51st Annual Wizzies

  

  Written by Sage 76 Comments
  Last Updated:: February 23, 2009

  Last night was the biggest, most watched, and arguably the most important awards show in the country. I speak of course of the Wizzies, presented by the infamous Old-Wizard.com. Much like the way the Golden Globes predict the Oscars; the Oscars are said to predict the Wizzies. The evening started with a star studded red carpet event, where everyone from poet laureate Maya Angelou, who later gave the invocation address, to Mickey Rourke, who presented the award for best website, was in attendance. It was a variable who’s who of actors, intellects, and important politicians. After everyone filed in and took their seats, the invocation was given and Oasis played the national anthem, which was the first time that a foreign band has ever played our national song at the Wizzies. This year’s event was action packed, including a fist fight between the staff members of OW, and a rather tear full ode delivered by Nelson Mandela. Unlike in years past, O-W cleaned up this year, winning a number of the Wizzies in categories ranging from best performance in a drama to the most environmentally destructive industrial paper clip producer.  Here were the highlights:

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• Ask Old-Wizard: January 21st, 2009

  

  Written by Sage 9 Comments
  Last Updated:: January 20, 2009

  This week Sage answers a few questions on everything from Super Mario Brothers to the Illuminati Conspiracy.  Remember to send any questions for Old-Wizard to oldwizard.com@gmail.com.

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• Mail Bag: January 10th, 2009

  

  Written by Sage 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: January 10, 2009

  I’m not sure why exactly, but lately a lot of people have been asking us what our opinion is about the imminent end of the world. I’m not sure how many other retro gaming sites are getting emails about the upcoming apocolypse, but I’m willing to bet that the number is pretty low. I’ll have to ask the folks over at Retrojunk when I have a chance. Anyway, this week Sage answers one of the more detailed emails we’ve received on this topic.

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• Ask Old-Wizard: Conspiracy Theory Edition

  

  Written by Sage 6 Comments
  Last Updated:: January 1, 2009

  This week we answer some questions sent to us by our local conspiracy theory nut, Mel. Remember to send any questions for OW to oldwizard.com@gmail.com.

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• Top 5 Blizzard Games

  

  Written by Sage 18 Comments
  Last Updated:: December 6, 2008

  Blizzard is easily one of the greatest PC game creators of all time. Unlike many companies who release game after game, the people at Blizzard take their time and release only the most epic games. They are the definition of quality over quantity. They have even been known to pull games months before release because they aren’t completely satisfied with the product. We here at OW have always been huge fans of Blizzard and actually wish that their games weren’t so good. Hours of my life have been and still are being burned away staring at my computer screen trying to invade that last base or get that last piece of epic gear. Every game is Blizzard’s best game and with the release of the new WOW expansion and on the eve of the releases of sequels to both Starcraft and Diablo, here is our two cents on the matter.
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