• Ask Old-Wizard: January 21st, 2009

  

  Written by Sage 9 Comments
  Last Updated:: January 20, 2009

  This week Sage answers a few questions on everything from Super Mario Brothers to the Illuminati Conspiracy.  Remember to send any questions for Old-Wizard to oldwizard.com@gmail.com.

  Arthur asks, Who is the oldest brother in Super Mario Brothers?

  Mario.

  Ken K. asks, If the Super Mario theme could have lyrics, what would they say?

  This is a surprisingly good question. What would the Mario brothers lyrics say? Would it be a theme to the working man and the struggling plumber? Or perhaps they would be more whimsical to reflect the strange situation that the brothers find themselves in. Maybe they would be an epic trilogy describing the plight of the mushroom kingdom, the arrival of the Mario and Luigi as the saviors, and the eventual defeat of the evil King Koopa. Might they include references to drug use and abuse that the game itself hints at, or maybe they are very serious to reflect goal of saving a kidnapped princess? Unfortunately we will never know what words we should sing along to this masterpiece of video gaming, but it is certainly fun to think about.

  Jimmy asks, Why do I have that Super Mario Bros. (the original) song in my head?

  Maybe you are subconsciously trying to figure out the lyrics.

  Adam asks, Are mac computers better then dell computers?

  Macintosh and all things apple.

  Paul asks, What is the Illuminati conspiracy?

  Something to do with candles I bet. I think when the light bulb was invented the candle industry got worried so they started this crazy rumor that light bulbs have an STD. Then the light bulb industry got all pissed off because they obviously don’t have an STD and started saying that the candle industry is a liar and is always so fake. So then the light bulb industry was totally like “Not Uh” and decided to go shopping with all it’s new money. But then they totally saw each other at the mall and the candle industry was all like “I saw your boyfriend making out with lighter industry after you guys were going steady” and the light bulb industry was like ” So, I made out with wick industry while you guys were going out before me and the lighter industry hooked up, and the lighter industry left you because you’re old” and then the candle industry is like “Bitch I dumped the lighter industry cus they’re totally lame and you guys can just go be lame together, I totally don’t care.” Then they started pulling each others hair or something.

9 Comments

1. #1 Andreas says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

   Your lucky Sage, you don’t have the lyrics to the “Do the Mario” song stuck in your head.
2. #2 The Mountain says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:32 pm

   hahaha. Great AOW
3. #3 roberto says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:32 am

   dear old-buttcrack.com

   why r u dumbasses answering stupid questions and not workin on the banner?

   master yoda
4. #4 roberto says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:37 am

   macs r the pretty girls of personal computers
5. #5 roberto says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 4:00 am

   u can go into most computer stores and buy everything u need to build a computer more powerful than any thing u’ll find at an apple store
6. #6 TheMountain says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:02 am

   I mimic Robertos sentiments. Why arent you working on the new banner! My work place is ganna have a party when you guys put up a new banner.
7. #7 safcsx says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 6:34 pm

   hahaha
8. #8 Weeji says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 5:59 pm

   I already know what the lyrics are.

   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65uNCLBTje0

   …and they are perfect.
9. #9 Riker says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:42 pm

   LOL. This was great.