• Ask Old-Wizard: Dungeons and Dragons Edition

  

  Written by Zeromage 5 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 15, 2008

  This week the Old-Wizard staff answers our reader’s Dungeons and Dragons related questions. Remember, email any questions to oldwizard.com@gmail.com. Yours just might be one of the lucky questions we pick to answer next week!

  Corey asks, What’s the most unusual D&D character you’ve ever created and been allowed to play? (Mine’s a troll paladin, btw.)

  I once made a Grig thief, I believe. But to be honest, although we used to play D and D every weekend while we were in high school, we never played a full game, because at one point or another our group would all declare some sort of mass war and everyone would end up dead. We also learned that most of the people who played this game had a number of the following properties: lack of social grace, distinctive offensive odors, an abundance of fat, a propensity for pornography, signs of pedophilia, and in ability to relate to the society at large.

  Matt asks, During the course of an adventure my character has taken a goblin captive. The intention was to question it for information but now I’ve grown attached to the bugger so I’ve decided to keep it. Now I need a name, what should I name it?

  It should be ‘I’m a giant weirdo,’ mainly because it describes you.

  Jay asks, What is the difference between a gnome and a halfling? Does anyone care?

  To answer your second question first; no. The difference between a gnome and a halfling is that one is a gnome and the other is a halfling.

  Jordan asks, What is a good name for an effeminate ninja-esque character in a DnD game?

  Gay Queerington

  Mike asks, Have you ever killed the Tarrasque before? With out getting hurt. I Have.

  Have you ever got down with a chick, without paying for it? I have.

  Tim asks, As a Druid, if I Wild Shape into a bird, how much weight can I pick up and fly with if I wanted to carry a companion?

  Well standard bird weight carrying limits are roughly 27.8453 kilos. So yeah… I don’t know, aren’t there books about this?

  Alex asks, Could a 4th level dwarf and a 6th level half-elf magician slay a gelatanous cube?

  Depends what flavor and brand. If its Jell-o brand gelatinous cube then no you would need to at least level 10.

  Joe asks, Why are the dragons in dungeons and dragons simply named after their color? They were creative enough when they named things like Tieflings and Duerger. Which are just variations of the standard races.

  Dragons are traditionally named after their color as per Chinese lore. Plus its easier.

  Nick asks, What’s the best website to learn how to play dungeons and dragons?

  Probably dungeons and dragons dot com.

  Tom asks, How do you level up a druid’s animal companion? Since my dm won’t let me have dinosaurs at level 7, he let me have a large air elemental. Any info would help, including how many HD to add.

  Your DM is a jerk. I would fight him. I mean what druid doesn’t have a dinosaur as a pet? I know I do. It sounds like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

5 Comments

1. #1 Nick says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:16 pm

   I’m not sure if this is a compliant about this site or not, but I think that no matter who you are, or why you are visiting this site, if you look around enough, you will find something that offends you.
2. #2 Linklock says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 2:44 am

   haha. Awsome.
3. #3 clone of daz says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:54 am

   the whole site offend’s me
4. #4 clone of daz says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 9:57 am

   ask old wizard to be insulted you are a fucking dick head who has to pick on people smaller than you to make you feel good about your self
5. #5 Jasmine says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 1:53 am

   “Have you ever got down with a chick, without paying for it? I have.”
   Ahaha, BEST EVAR!