• Ask Old-Wizard: World of Warcraft Edition

  

  Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 13, 2008

  Ever since Old-Wizard went up over a year ago we have received at least ten emails a week asking us to expand our coverage of World of Warcraft. Time being what it is, we’ve barely have time to keep up with all the stuff we already cover, but nevertheless we always like to accommodate all our fans who take the time to write to us. (if you haven’t done so yet, the email is oldwizard.com@gmail.com). So, in the spirit of satisfying our few fans, here is the first ever World of Warcraft Edition of Ask Old-Wizard:

  Melissa asks, I think my boyfriend is addicted to the game World of Warcraft. How can I get him to stop playing that game and spend more time with me?

  Dear Melissa there is a direct correlation between the amount of time that you are naked and the amount of time your boyfriend spends time with you. This is science. If he knows hanging out with you will eventually, at the end of the night, lead to a good ole’ fashion romp in the hay I guarantee he will be raiding your dungeon more often. True WOW is digital crack cocaine, but you have boobs and no man will turn down a nice pair. So next time your beau is battling away on the intraweb, walk into the room completely naked, sit on his lap, and then f’ his brains out. I think that will solve your problems. If not dump his loser ass, send me a photo and maybe we can talk.

  Jeff asks, Hi, I am a level 7 troll hunter and I don’t know how to get a combat pet. Can you help me?

  You can’t till you hit level 10 and get the quest which allows you to tame and train combat pets. So be patient.

  Nick asks, Do you have to play Wow on the internet or can you play it in a campaign or single player?

  WOW is an MMORPG, no single player or campaign exist.

  Earl asks, How much does World or Warcraft cost a month? I want to play it but I am afraid I don’t have enough money.

  I believe they have this listed on their website, jackass.

  Kate asks, Who would you rather be a warlock or a mage? Why?

  Warlocks can summon demons and mages own. Mages generally rule pvp because they can do massive amounts of damage in a very short amount of time. They are also one of the best crowd control classes and are essential members of dungeon and raid parties. Warlocks are also heavy damage dealers and can summon a cadre of bad ass demons that act as combat pets. Agreeable cloth armour sucks but who cares when you can summon demons right?

  

  Aaron asks, Why do they let gnomes be warriors? Does it make sense to have 3 feet tall creatures with pink beards swaying great swords around?

  Its a fantasy video game. Does it makes sense that you’re analyzing a video game? Do you have problems with little people? I’ve heard they are a rather tenacious bunch. I’d be pretty scared if a 3 foot little bastard came charging me with a sword bigger than him. But again people, remember video games are a suspension of reality which is part of the reason they are fun. Who would want to play a game called go to work and pay your bills. Please for the love of God stop trying to rationalize things that were specifically made irrational. Fuck I’m really pissed by this question, and the longer I answer it the more incensed I’m becoming. Its also late and I’ve been drinking. Really what the fuck is wrong you morons, are your nerdy little lives so pathetically dreary that you wish reality would merge with your stupid favorite video game. Stop dressing in all black, listening to weird techno music, drinking jolt, buying t-shirts with stupid sayings, take a shower, buy some normal clothes, and then girls will like you. The reason they don’t is because your a weirdo, yes you, you are a weirdo. And don’t give me that fagot ass response “oh I want a girl who likes me for me” fuck you no you don’t. Thats not why you spend the other half of the time weirding to some porn site. I seriously hate everyone who refers to themselves as ‘gamers.’ Playing video games should be a pass time not a profession, unless you are a developer then it is actually a profession. Or you review them for a living. Fuck I hate you.

  Jay aks, What is your most memorable event in World of Warcraft?

  What a stupid question I refuse to answer it. I actually really like this game, but only play once a weekish, really its the truth. Personally I like going out with friends, drinking, making out with girls I regret even meeting, and waking up in strange places. Also true, ask Zeromage. All of my memorable events are in real life. If most nerds put half the effort in to chasing tail instead of epic gear, the world would be a much happier place. Also read the above rant.

  Tom aks, Why is WoW (World of Warcraft) so successful?

  Its awesome. Seriously it has everything, great graphics, a great intertwining plot, cool gear, great classes and races, awesome maps, and its just plain fun.

  Stephanie asks, Is world of Warcraft as addicting as people say?

  Yes.

  Sal asks, How do I earn a free World of Warcraft epic mount?

  The only one I know of has to do with the trading card game, which means you have to buy the cards so its not free. There are also some available by turning in battle ground badges, but you still have to buy the training, which is the most expensive part. So really there are no free epic mounts, cus the training costs like 500g or something.

10 Comments

1. #1 Tristan says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 4:12 pm

   “If he knows hanging out with you will eventually, at the end of the night, lead to a good ole’ fashion romp in the hay I guarantee he will be raiding your dungeon more often.”

   Nerdiest sex advice ever.
2. #2 the REAL zeromage says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 10:08 pm

   I hate this guy he thinks he knows everything.
3. #3 Dave says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 2:06 am

   Nice post. You guys should definitely do more WoW coverage.
4. #4 Jedi Master Luke Skywalker says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 2:07 am

   “But again people, remember video games are a suspension of reality which is part of the reason they are fun. Who would want to play a game called go to work and pay your bills.”

   LOL
5. #5 Phil says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 2:18 am

   LMAO. This was funny advice.
6. #6 Jesma says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 8:28 am

   “Stop dressing in all black, listening to weird techno music, drinking jolt, buying t-shirts with stupid sayings, take a shower, buy some normal close, and then girls will like you. The reason they don’t is because your a weirdo, yes you, you are a weirdo.”

   YOU SIR…..

   Win the Internet.
7. #7 Pingfa says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 3:20 pm

   Don’t like World of Warcraft.
   Don’t like MMO games.

   See you next time.
8. #8 Karl says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 2:18 am

   LMAO. This was by far the funniest thing I read all week.
9. #9 Sara says:
   March 19th, 2010 at 10:37 am

   The question really pissed me off, then the rest of the article made me laugh.
10. #10 Farrel says:
    March 19th, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    So next time your beau is battling away on the intraweb, walk into the room completely naked, sit on his lap, and then f’ his brains out. I think that will solve your problems…

    –AMEN TO THAT!!!