• Ask Old-Wizard: May 3rd, 2008

  

  Written by Zeromage 2 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 3, 2008

  This week featured some pretty bizarre questions, especially the last one. But once again I’ve managed to answer them in typical Old-Wizard fashion. Keep sending in your inquiries and I’ll try to answer them as soon as possible. Remember send to send all of your questions to Oldwizard.com@gmail.com with the subject line “Ask Old-Wizard”.
  

  Mapex asks, Why do you guys hate Dreamcast so much?
  
  Why would we like it is a better question. It had no good games, was entirely overpriced, and made by Sega. You must have had some rich parents that would buy you whatever you wanted when the whim struck you. Must have been nice rich-boy. That must be how you got all your friends, “Hey guys I’m a big fat loser but come check out what my parents bought me.”
  
  Oddwin asks, What’s the best game out there right now?
  
  Currenly I’m really into Endless Zombie Rampage.

  Gunter asks, I have a Playstation game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and there is scratches on and I tired everything to repair it like tooth paste, conditioner everything can you help me, what do I use and how?
  
  I like the way you said “I have a game Grand Theft Auto….” As if nobody ever heard of it. Anyways the solution to your problem is simple. Stick it in the microwave for about five seconds. This will melt the layers in-between the cracks just enough so that the laser beam will no longer notice them. Don’t do it too long though because your microwave will explode killing you and everyone you love.

  WarlockLink asks,Why is Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past so awesome?

  Mainly because its the perfect game. Its got the unlikely hero, the pretty princess, and the evil villain and his countless minions. As well as a great story, parallel universes, side-plots and quests, a place called Death Mountain, was one of the first games that would change the character when you got new weapons/armour, a boomerang, a better boomerang, chickens, a mysterious forest, a sword in the stone, a triforce, a secret society of underwater mermen, running, fighting, jumping, puzzles, more princesses, monsters, mayhem, graveyards, secret passages, bombs, better bombs, running shoes, magical wands, a tranquil town, you can catch butterflies, fairy babes, a simple map/with tons to explore, and on and on….
  
  Tim asks, I want to write for you guys, what should I do?
  
  There are two routes mainly. The first and easiest would be to lavish us with gifts, and not cheap crap, I mean some expensive grade A stuff. I would like a Movado watch, Louis Vuittion wallet, iphone, and anything else that you can think of. The second route is to first aquire a Phd in writing, English, or composition and then wait for our current hiring freeze to be over with. We had a little trouble with balancing the books so we can’t really afford to pay ourselves right now let alone take on a new employee. Though I suppose once world peace is established things will calm down around here. And you know how world peace is, always just around the corner.

  OneManArmy asks, What do you think about the news that Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) have petitioned the ESRB to reclassify Grand Theft Auto IV as an ‘Adults Only’ title in reaction to the game’s inclusion of players driving while intoxicated?
  
  Ahhhhhh…. the age old debate. Do video games and reality really correspond. If I go on a murderous rampage in a video game does that mean I will do the same in real life? Frankly there exists no simple answer; personally I believe it comes down to parenting. If you are an absent parent who parks you children in front of the TV and lets the world educate them without your moral guidance and input then yes your child’s mind may become warped and a blur will exist between the make believe and the real. A good parent limits worldly input until a child has reaches an age or maturity level in which they can discern between what is morally right and what is morally wrong. It should also be noted that I do not believe the government should be given the right to dictate what Americans can and can’t read, write, or create. That being said I applaud the effort that MADD is making to educate people about the tragedy caused by drunk driving, but I firmly believe they are attacking the wrong source. They should be targeting the parents who have children and don’t raise them properly. Censorship is the job of the parent, not the government.

  Hisdon asks, What are your thoughts on Alabama?

  I never really gave much thought at all about Alabama. I know very little about it other than its location on a map and its state abbreviation. What do I think about Alabama? Well I’ll tell you. Its next to Mississippi and Georgia and its AL. Thats all the thought I ever gave to it. Its in the south…I’ve thought that too, but if I was in Uruguay, I’d think its in the north. What do you think of Alabama?

2 Comments

1. #1 the REAL zeromage says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 3:56 pm

   This guy is an idiot.
2. #2 avi says:
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:39 am

   the dreamcast had no good games? Sonic adventure 1 and 2, Jet Set Radio and Psychonauts, just to name a few. if u want overpriced sega consoles check out nomad… if u want a sega system w/ no good games buy a 32X. and if your reason for hating it is ”it’s made by sega”, why don’t you quit being a gamer or better yet learn what a good game is.