» 2009 » July

• Top 5 Reasons Indie Music is So Bad

  

  Written by Zeromage 49 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 31, 2009

  As any of the music readers of Old-Wizard know, indie music is our enemy.  It was listed as the worst music genre of all time on our recent list “Top 10 Worst Music Genres of all Time”.  That’s some position to have over and above Mainstream Country and even the Nickelback genre!  Indie music worse than Nickelback?  Surely you must be joking.  Not really.  Both are quantifiably bad but indie music takes the prize as worst genre because of how many people think the music is good.  Nickelback was saved by most people knowing they’re shit.  Here then is why indie music is the worst music genre of all time.
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• Top 10 Most Important Bands Since Oasis

  

  Written by Zeromage 115 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 22, 2009

  If hasn’t be objectively and empirically proved already by Old-Wizard, then we will just categorically state right now that Oasis is the greatest band of all time. Any argument against this claim has been refuted by the Old-Wizard staff and our recent neophytes. Our position is also held by the post-Oasis bands that have made landmark albums after them. Oasis’s influence on these bands is undoubted if not outright expressed in interviews. In this list we will go through these bands and list them as the most important bands since Oasis. If Oasis was the most important band of all time, then certainly the most important bands after them would logically have to be influenced by them. This list will define the most important ones though in a very definite order of importance.

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• Top 10 Country Songs For People Who Don’t Like Country

  

  Written by Zeromage 39 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 16, 2009

  This isn’t your grandfather’s best of country list, this isn’t even your father’s best of country list, unless your father was cool. This list is Old-Wizard’s best of country list, which means it’s a list of opinions masquerading as objective fact. You probably haven’t heard of most of these songs, but they are the best country songs of all time regardless. The focus of this list was more on a genre that was innovative with country music rather than traditional country music that was satisfied in it’s traditional and literal meanings that spoke to only the most obvious listeners. The term for this genre (we are focusing on) is often cited as “(alt)ernative-country”, but that tag is inaccurate for many of the songs on this list. Hopefully there will be more of an appreciation of the country genre after people take a listen to these songs and realize that country need not be limited to Garth Brooks and that other Australian waffle with the dyed blonde hair.

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• Top 10 Ways To Tell if You’re Reading an Old-Wizard List

  

  Written by Sage 34 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 9, 2009

  OW sucks. Let’s be honest. Their articles are dull and uninspired. They write about the same things over and over again. They harp on the same ideas over and over again and they think they are so cool. In fact their articles are so boring that they have recently been popping up all over the internet, including on other people’s websites. It seems that OW has struck a chord with a few people and they feel we deserve to be quoted. But how can you tell if it’s an OW article or not? Well we have compiled some of the most common ways, according to some of our bigger fans. These are the folks who come back every week to leave us a comment, send us an email, or post about us in some random forum or another. According to the statistics, our fact checking kittens, and the chimp we just hired these are the best ways to know you are reading an OW list.

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• Top 10 Worst Video Games of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 133 Comments
  Last Updated:: July 1, 2009

  Most video games are stupid, especially games made by Sega for some reason. If you’re wondering, yes we are still barking up that same old tree. Anyway I digress. Before I get back to the intro to this our latest and greatest list there are a number of things that need to be addressed. First we never received any Venn diagrams of our Top 10 Worst Fanboys list as requested so hurry up, the t-shirts are still available. Second nobody has offered us vast sums of money so we can sell out, so break out those check books and get on it. Third and lastly, we have yet to receive any suitable applications of our new religion which we have just named OldWizardology. We very specifically said no losers and no poor people. Do not send us your tired huddle masses yearning to breath free, we want well rested small groups who yearn to give us money. That being said our lastest offering is an inspired list about the worst video games ever. These games were so terrible that we would be shocked to find out they actually covered their production costs. Was Shaq ever really that popular, does he really need a video game that isn’t based on basketball? And who would ever be inspired by the career of a paper boy so much that they create a whole game about it? Maybe someone should make a game about sweeping or perhaps sleeping. That might be as entertaining. On the other hand some games are just to terribly conceived that even we don’t know what to make of them or who would ever enjoy them. Here is what we here at OW think are the absolute worst games of all time. And yes there are some Nintendo games on there, you jerks.

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