» 2009 » May

• Star Wars Gripe

  

  Written by Zeromage No Comments
  Last Updated:: May 19, 2009

  R2-D2 is in fact an android whore. Let’s look at the facts, in ROTJ, Bib Fortuna strokes R2’s dome. Now, I don’t speak droid, but he seemed to be pretty excited from all that touching.  I think Bib Fortuna got off on the whole interlude too. There was a lot of rubbing and sweet talking going on in that scene and they “forgot” to translate what R2 was beeping about. C-3P0 also puts his hand on R2’s dome quite a bit. 3P0 isn’t the most masculine of robots either. That leads me to wonder, is R2 gay or is he really a she? No one knows that answer either.

  The questions are is R2 a male, female, both, or neither? Does R2 feel pleasure? Does R2’s prong stick out when Luke says nice things to him? Is R2 a submissive, always obeying when someone tells him to stick his data stick into a foreign terminal?

• Top 10 Ways to Tell If You’re Good at Video Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 113 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 18, 2009

  We here at OW get a lot of flack for our beliefs. Further research, however, has shown that we are in fact right. Everything we say is actually the gospel truth! I know, we were just as shocked as you are. That being said, we are taking applications for worshipers. Unlike most religions we don’t want everyone, just your rich, cool, and popular people.  There is a minimum yearly salary requirement and a rather extensive interview process. Also we have put together a list that allows a person to decide if they are good at gaming. These days games are stupid and easy and everyone thinks they are good at games for no particular reason. Here is a way to tell if you’re actually good at video games. And if you remember from the beginning of this list everything we say is the truth. So we win again. Also at a recent staff meeting we have all decided we are willing to sell out completely. If any TV executives, advertising agents, or magazine editor are reading this and want to offer us money we’re in.

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• Ask Old-Wizard: Star Trek Edition

  

  Written by Zeromage 17 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 8, 2009

  With the new Star Trek movie coming out today we decided to gather up all the Star Trek related questions that we’ve received for the past year that we’ve been running “Ask Old-Wizard” and answer them all at once. What we realized as we were answering them was just how nerdy our fan base really is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hope you enjoy!

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