» 2008 » October

• Random Advice

  

  Written by Zeromage 2 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 14, 2008

  This bit of advice came from a friend of mine while he was out on a date with this chick, her friend, and her friend’s male friend.  The setting is in a crappy bar. My buddy went to the bathroom. While he was standing at the urinal he saw a fly up near the urinal handle. Its not the time of year for flies, so he decided to piss on the fly. Yes, this isn’t the most common way to kill a fly, but it will work. So, while attempting to piss on the fly he came to the conclusion that he didn’t have enough upwards force to hit the fly. So he decided to jump up in hopes that the added elevation would help him nail that fly. The fly was a really fat gross one, so you can see why anyone would want to piss on it so bad. While jumping up and down, the girl’s male friend walked into the bathroom. Aside from a bit of awkwardness, the guy seemed sort of cool with the whole jumping thing. My friend hastily left the bathroom and decided to tell the girls the truth behind the jumping around rather than have the other guy tell them about it later on. Jumping at a urinal could be easily misconstrued by anyone not seeing the fly. Well the girls were pretty much disgusted and the one has no interest in him anymore. So the whole point of the story is this. Next time you find yourself in a bathroom jumping up and down trying to piss on a fly, make sure you lock the door.

• 10 Tips For Using Public Restrooms

  

  Written by Zeromage 65 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 13, 2008

  Chances are that if you have a job, or if you ever have had occasion to leave your house, you’ve had to use a public restroom at one time or another. Yes, the sad truth is we all wish that we had the superhuman ability to hold it in until we got back to the comfort and safety of our own home, but sometimes its just plain unavoidable. Of course some restrooms are worse than others, and depending on the size of your bladder you might have experienced some really bad restrooms (Heck, I’ve even had to go at Taco Bell once). That’s why we decided to write this list. To give you, the faithful Old-Wizard.com reader, the benefit of our many years of experience in dealing with public bathrooms. This list only applies to men’s rooms, because although we’ve heard rumors, whispers of legends, and childhood stories, none of us has ever dared venture into a women’s room and therefore cannot comment on what they look like

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• Top 5 Racing Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 27 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 13, 2008

  Racing games have been the thrill of the video game universe ever since the early days of the arcade. In every arcade you went into you would find racing games that tried to emulate the real thing. These games though, are not included in this list. In this list, we’ll cover the best racing games for the console generation. As always, our retro instincts made us think of choices that weren’t the “high fi” racing games of the day that can be tedious and same-y to use anyways. We are confident that this list will bring back memories of all the great racing games of the past. If not, then you truly haven’t played the best racing games of all time.

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• The Top 10 Arcade Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 27 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 12, 2008

  There was a time when mastering arcade games was more important than going to your brother’s wedding. Nowadays the majority of people play video games on their console or PC, but a long time ago the passionate game player was overjoyed when he knew that he would be spending the rest of his day in a large cavern filled with arcade games. At any moment he could choose between playing a one on one fighting game, a virtual simulated racing game, a traditional game like Pac-Man, or a co-op multiplayer like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where players would be popping in quarters until the last bit of Shredder was shredded.

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• Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Vote

  

  Written by destructomaximo 11 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 11, 2008

  A couple of days ago Zeromage released the Top 5 Reasons Not to Vote. In this post, DestructoMaximo responds to that article with the Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Vote.

  It’s the prime of the political season and everyone is going ape-shit over who their going to vote for and why. What causes this exaggerated mania? There are many reasons. Everywhere you look in modern mediums of communication, you hear about the presidential election like we are approaching the apocalypse. You are being force fed canards about how important it is to vote and how your vote “counts”. In this brief list, we will go through the reasons why not to vote, and how this over-exaggeration for having to vote is not the God given privilege of being “civically responsible”, but the animal herd trying to express it’s identity in it’s banality.

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• Top 13 Scariest Video Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 36 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 10, 2008

  It’s October. The leaves are falling, pumpkins are being smashed and video game nerds are breaking out all their scary video games from the past. Which are the scariest though? In this list we will go through what video games frightened the gamer to the core of his being while trying to find their way through the game. Some games just plain nailed the spooky quality needed to make a game scary by accentuating the moody soundtrack and making the enemies horrifying to look at. Some of the choices on this list may not be obvious, but on second look the reader will understand what could make a simple game like Pac-Man for so scary, which we will start off with first.

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• The Beer Guide For Nerds Part 2: Porter

  

  Written by destructomaximo 9 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 10, 2008

  History:

  Strong, heavy, and stout. These were three words associated with porters who worked the streets, docks and rivers of England and Ireland in the 18th and 19th centuries. Men who were the strongest and lifted the heaviest also craved the strongest and the heaviest when it came to their beer. They brewed with only the darkest roasted of the malts, which created the menacingly dark color of the mysterious brew. (more…)

• Top 5 Reasons Not to Vote

  

  Written by Zeromage 15 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 10, 2008

  It’s the prime of the political season and everyone is going ape-shit over who they’re going to vote for and why. What causes this exaggerated mania? There are many reasons. Everywhere you look in modern mediums of communication, you hear about the presidential election like we are approaching the apocalypse. You are being force fed canards about how important it is to vote and how your vote “counts”. In this brief list, we will go through the reasons why not to vote, and how this over-exaggeration for having to vote is not the God given privilege of being “civically responsible”, but the animal herd trying to express it’s identity in it’s banality.

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• Comic Book Review: Hulk #5

  

  Written by Zeromage 3 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 8, 2008

  Let me get right down to it, if Old-Wizard ever does a “Top 10 Worst Comic Books of All Time List” this issue will be the number one pick. Not since World War Hulk #5 has a comic book made me this angry (and no, I won’t make any bad “Don’t make me angry” jokes). But in all seriousness, Hulk #5 is a bad, bad comic.  The Red Hulk series has already treated the She-Hulk, Iron Man and even the Watcher like rag dolls who crumple under the awesome might of the Red Hulk. Now it’s Thor’s turn. This should have been a match-up for the ages. You have the Hulk, one version of him anyway, a beast with nearly limitless power doing battle with the nigh-invulnerable Norse god of thunder. Instead of making things interesting, or finally providing Red Hulk with a suitable opponent, Jeph Loeb allows his creation to trounce Thor for half the issue. Personally I hate villains whose only defining trait is the fact that they’re stronger than every other hero in the universe. You may think that I should stop whining that my precious Thor got his ass kicked, but this series is undermining the character’s place in the current Marvel Universe.  J. Michael Straczynski has spent a lot of time carefully reestablishing Thor as a complex, powerful figure. This new comic book throws all of Straczynski’ subtlety out the window and then kicks sand in his face for good measure.

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• Top 10 Signs You Play Too Many Video Games

  

  Written by Zeromage 62 Comments
  Last Updated:: October 5, 2008

  There are many ways to know that you’ve played too many video games in your day. Some reasons are more obvious than others. Ever get that pain in your hands from holding a controller too long? Ever need to get up and go to the bathroom to see if your eyes still work? Ever refer to yourself in public as the “blue bomber”? The signs are numerous for this phenomena, and in this list we’ll go through the top ten ways to know that you’ve played too many video games. This was a difficult list to make as there were so many signs that you were knee deep in the video game world…and never coming back. Are you, like us, one of these people who are never coming back to “reality”? Here’s how you can tell.

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