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• Top 5 Reasons the Olive Garden is Better Than Any Restaurant in Italy

  

  Written by Zeromage 23 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 14, 2008

  In this article we will go through the reasons why The Olive Garden dominates restaurants in Italy. The Old-Wizard crew have been voyagers for the past five years and we have visited places as far off as New Zealand and Amsterdam. Of course, Rome and Milan are on our map of places that we have visited. Something peculiar happened to us when we visited the famous restaurants in the great cities of Italy though. We realized how much better the American Italian Olive Garden experience was over all these restaurants. How could this be? We heard from every Italian under the sun how the food in Italy is so much better than any of the bad excuses for Italian food in America. In this list, we unfortunately have to smash those dreams by seeing how Olive Garden dominated these restaurants.

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• Top 11 Reasons Not to Go to Your High School Reunion

  

  Written by Zeromage 23 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 11, 2008

  We at Old-Wizard have never been to a class reunion in our life times, so we must have numerous reasons why the thought of even attending these things grosses us out. In this list, we will go through the eleven reasons why we don’t attend our class reunions. We have mapped out what in our nerdish brains keeps us from these events. We think that many of you will understand our reasons because the thought grosses you out also. Here we are then with our 11 reasons.

  11. Your friends liked the Sega Genesis

  You had close friends in highschool, unfortunately, they were Sega Genesis fans. You on other hand knew how much more powerful of a system the SNES was. You know how many great games were for the SNES system (just check out our top 100 video games of all time list so you can remember). But your nerdy friends talked about Sega for some reason everytime you were by the locker. It was Shining Force this, or Sonic that. Why couldnt they understand thaty with just one hour with a game like Soul Blazer, they would be converted to the SNES medium for eternity? Having to go to a class reunion and hear the reminissing about a bad video game system has to be the first reason not to attend this event.

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• Top 5 Reasons Why You Watch Everybody Loves Raymond

  

  Written by Zeromage 9 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 8, 2008

  “Everybody Love Raymond” has secured for itself a seemingly never ending rotation on modern TV. This show usually runs around 7 o’ clock on multiple channels at once. There must be a reason for this show’s popularity, right? We at Old-Wizard though find this show to be one of the most noticeable signifiers of western civilization at its lowest point. In this article, we’ll go through why anyone would watch this show with any sense of enjoyment. Hopefully we won’t offend the “Everybody Loves Raymond” bandwagon too much with this article, but as always with Old-Wizard, we aren’t out to coddle that which is shit.
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• Old-Wizard Officially Endorses Gene Amondson for President in 2008!

  

  Written by Zeromage 10 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 7, 2008

  As many of our fans know, we here at OW are ardent prohibition activists. Why you ask? Mainly because Old-wizard.com is founded on old rum running and bootlegging money. And to be honest we miss the good ‘ole days of speak easyies, tommy guns, and fake pet stores. We have our bath tubs ready, and our distillers sanitized, we just need a man that’s insane enough to run on a prohibition platform.

  Enter Gene Amondson. This man is nuts, and by nuts we mean completely insane. If its one thing the U.S. needs its another expensive drug war, you know, because the other ones are going so well. I mean its impossible to buy illegal substances in this country…. right? Besides that we all know how well the government does when it stands up to big business. I mean destroying a multi-billion dollar industry that provides millions of jobs all over the country won’t negatively effect our economy at all and since the economy is doing so well right now, now is definitely the time to remove more jobs from the hard working American public. Besides all of these well thought out reasons, let’s face it, after you turned 21, drinking just wasn’t as much fun. You know you miss the high school house parties, bon fires in the middle of the woods, and sneaking around your parents. With Gene at the wheel these times will never end.

  For these reasons we think that Gene Amondson would be the best pick for the next president. He’s a chainsaw wielding, death costume wearing, wine not drinking, priest from the back woods of Washington state. The breeding ground of great leaders. It’s time to bring back bootlegging! It’s time to bring back rum running! Its time for Prohibition! Its time for Gene Amondson!

  P.S. We would have endorsed Obama but the stupid NY times beat us too it. Bastards!

• Top 10 Famous People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous

  

  Written by Zeromage 48 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 4, 2008

  Ever wonder why certain people are famous? Looking back at the history of the world, we see fame given to some notable figures like Shakespeare, Newton, and Einstein, which we will soon cover in our top 50 most influential people of all time. These people changed history through their tireless forays into the arts and sciences. Pop culture in the 20th century though has made it easy for any smiling face who wears skimpy clothes and gives us some animal level of entertainment to be famous. In this list, we will cover who we think are the 10 most famous people who shouldn’t be famous. These people have it easy. They get paid for basically doing nothing, and have no talent or anything worth contributing creatively to the world.

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• Arthur (Ghosts N’ Goblins) vs. The Paperboy

  

  Written by Zeromage 4 Comments
  Last Updated:: September 1, 2008

  Paperboy and Ghosts n Goblins consistently gets bashed here on Old-Wizard (just check out our top 20 worst video games of all time). We not only dislike the games, but we dislike the heroes of those games for making the games even more painful to play. When thinking of weak heroes, the Paperboy from “Paperboy” and Arthur from “Ghosts n Goblins” come to mind. Who would win in fight between these two “heroes” though? This was a fun topic of conversation for us at Old-Wizard. These two characters would lose to all other characters except each other. But for us, we had to pick the paperboy as being the stronger of the two. This probably seems ironic seeing that Arthur is supposed to be a medieval hero. How can he not beat out a kid paperboy?

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