» 2008 » May

• How about I slash you with a knife!!!

  

  Written by Zeromage 1 Comment
  Last Updated:: May 12, 2008

  Yesterday I am at the old supermarket in Berlin right after work. I was picking up some frozen pizzas for a little din din…if you know what I mean. Let me back track…its my fookin’ blog….really I can do anything I want! So at 2pm on the same day I visited the grocery store, I drank a mountain dew live wire. It’s simply a mountain dew that tastes like orange. But it was a 20oz. bottle and that stuff went straight to my crankcase(head)!!

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• Top 10 Bands of The 90’s

  

  Written by Zeromage 41 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 9, 2008

  When one reads or watches a “traditional” best bands of all time list, the assumptions get unquestioned. What happens is that people who profess to be “music listeners” accept these lists without ever asking themselves “Why the fuck should I listen to anything VH1 says”. When one list “argues” for its content, others will follow suit without ever questioning the quality of the bands on the list. This being utterly lost and absorbed in the publicness of the “they” solidifies the image of bands and best bands for decades and maybe even centuries to come. For example, you will get a “traditional” barrage of answers on what the best bands from the 90’s are from people who don’t realize they are simply restating what they saw or read on the most public of public media.

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• Top 30 Seinfeld Characters

  

  Written by Zeromage 16 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 8, 2008

  The staff members here at Old-Wizard are in unanimous agreement that Seinfeld is the best TV show ever created. While not ostensibly having anything to do with the prevalent “nerd” theme of the site, we can leap beyond the formal bounds of logic and make the connections regardless. George? C’mon, This guy has got to be the coolest uptight 4-eyed nerd we have ever seen on TV. Kramer? Who else in modern sitcoms has been described as a “Hipster Doofus”? Elaine? Only the nerdiest of nerds dances as poorly as Elaine does. The list goes on and on as nerds can be seen everywhere in the show from Newman to Babu. So while at first it seems like a “Top 30 characters of Seinfeld” list seems out of reach for the basic theme of the website, at closer inspection, it seems somewhat appropriate. Like all our lists, we thought long and hard about who would be included. For this “Top Characters of Seinfeld” list specifically, we had to increase the list to 30 after all the noticeable omissions we were making in the original top 20 list. Theoretically, we could have even made a top 40 list that would have included most of the minor characters in the Seinfeld series, but some of the roles were so small, it would be difficult to write anything on them, beyond their desiderate one liners. Being satisfied at 30, we present you with the definitive “greatest characters in Seinfeld” list.

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• Top 10 Philosophers of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 63 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 7, 2008

  When making the list for the top 10 philosophers of all time, much dismay came over us when we realized how many great philosophers were not being included. (more…)

• The Top 5 Web Browsers

  

  Written by bug 11 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 6, 2008

  The text your eyes are currently reading is being displayed to you via a digital medium commonly known as a Web Browser. Quite simply, a web browser is a piece of software that interfaces with an active internet connection to allow the user to display websites, transfer files and display media. Over the years web browsers have been upgraded, retooled and fancified to display websites faster, more securely, and with style. Here at Old-Wizard.com we’re obviously heavy users of the internet, often hogging bandwidth at our homes, friend’s houses and free wireless hot spots along the way. We have used several different types of web browsers and in the spirit of Old-Wizard, we decided it was time to post our top five web browsers list.

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• Top 5 Worst Video Game Related Websites of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 134 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 4, 2008

  Video game websites, like most theme focused sites (e.g. music websites), are a dime a dozen. Everywhere you go, you can find an opinion on video games with an equal amount of bitterness and approval. Some of these websites though, are clearly in the opinion market for other reasons. Some have seen the success of other websites and blatantly copied these originals. Some have even designed multiple websites with contradicting opinions in order to start fake console wars. Some of the most shameful acts from video game related websites have come from those sites who have cowered to public opinion and advertising money by only giving positive reviews to certain video games. One can see with their own eyes how a review went from a 5.0 to a 9.0 after one week, and how after that week, there was an advertisement for the game right next to the new rating. While we certainly don’t want to sound sanctimonious with our video game website ethics, we do realize that there are limits. For one, once a video game has been rated and reviewed, its over and done, even if we disagree with it later. That’s the beauty of writing in the present; we can look back and see how much we agreed or disagreed with our opinions from the past. This hope for a more pure writing and reviewing style has been guided by all these next websites who copy, change, and cower to other outside forces. The lack of any substantial writing from these websites is a signifier to their other motivations.

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• The whistles go…. whoo whoo!

  

  Written by Zeromage 2 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 3, 2008

• Ask Old-Wizard: May 3rd, 2008

  

  Written by Zeromage 2 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 3, 2008

  This week featured some pretty bizarre questions, especially the last one. But once again I’ve managed to answer them in typical Old-Wizard fashion. Keep sending in your inquiries and I’ll try to answer them as soon as possible. Remember send to send all of your questions to Oldwizard.com@gmail.com with the subject line “Ask Old-Wizard”.
  

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• Top 5 Worst Star Wars Characters

  

  Written by Zeromage 39 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 2, 2008

  The Star Wars series was full of some of our favorite movie characters of all time. In the near future, we will be releasing our favorite characters of all time from the series, but for now our focus will be on the worst ones. During the original trilogy it was rare for George Lucas to ever make a mistake in production, storyline, and character development. But since then he certainly HAS made his mistakes, mostly in the newly released episodes 1-3 which had more things wrong with them than great about them. To start with, there were characters in these episodes who were not only forgettable, but stultifyingly annoying. That Lucas ever thought these next characters could pass for the greatness of Star Wars lore makes no sense for the diehard fan of the series. That episodes 1-3 would become forgotten because of Lucas’s interpolations in these movies was a fate that would become certain after one watched episode 3. The superfluous nature of these next characters will be recognizable signifiers of a movie series gone wrong. The diehard Star Wars fan though will always have the crass demeanor of Han Solo to bring back memories of all the characters from the old series that they had come to love. Just look at all the action figures collected from the original series compared to those collected from the new series to understand the different degrees of affectation that the characters in each had. With this in mind, the difference between the character development in both was obvious and will be addressed in this list.

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• Top 20 Worst Video Games of All Time

  

  Written by Zeromage 102 Comments
  Last Updated:: May 1, 2008

  What makes a worst video game of all time? Poor story lines, insane difficulty, controlling issues to the point of broken screens… all these contribute towards video games that you threw out your window in disgust of wasting 3 dollars in renting them. On this list we prudently considered what games made us break the most things, and made us ask ourselves “how the fuck was this game ever made?” There were some obvious immediate choices like “Shaq Fu” and “ET”, and there were also some more personal choices like “Fatal Fury” and “Elevator Action”. Old-Wizard brings you these top 20 worst games of all time in hopes that you never have to experience the inexorably abominable game play that we’ve had to experience in playing a game like “Three Stooges”, where what you thought would be 2 days of rented video game euphoria turned out to be hours of personal disgust, wondering how it was possible you could have rented a game so bad. However, if you are one of those people who like to play bad video games because they make you feel better about yourself and ebullient about your own small accomplishments in life, then these are the games to play. As an elementary programmer, you probably have a decent chance at creating a game better than “Muscle”, and this doesn’t feel too bad.
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